1 sided love『 jikook 』

five

have you ever had so much to tell someone but kept yourself from saying a word because you knew it wouldn't matter anyway? that they didn't care at all and saying it won't change a thing? 

jeongguk felt that. 

he wanted so badly to let jimin know how much he was hurting. and he's tried several times to get through to jimin, but what can you do when the person you love won't even look at you? 

it's like jimin forgot the last fifteen years he lived with jeongguk ever existed. 

jeongguk would spend most of his days, skipping school, crying in his room or numbing his pain by binge-watching netflix shows. he'd even miss out on dance auditions he practiced months for. he might as well have taken a gap year instead and focused on working since he's basically put his life on hold either way. he didn't let jimin know about any of this though, because he knew jimin wouldn't care.

just like he didn't care whenever he broke his promises to jeongguk. just like he didn't care when he would make jeongguk lose sleep, waiting for him to call. just like he didn't care when jeongguk sent him those long paragraphs about how much he started to hate the way he was living, showing signs of how he somehow wanted to end his life. jimin missed all of those signs, or maybe he saw them but merely chose to ignore them. 

jeongguk didn't know anymore. scary how the closest person to you could so easily become a complete stranger in just a span of two months. jeongguk wanted to fight for them but how could he fight for something that didn't even exist anymore?

and so for the last time, he tested jimin. he told him he would leave social media for a while to get some peace on his own, uninfluenced by the toxicity of the internet. jimin merely said it was okay. he didn't even ask why jeongguk all of a sudden found the internet unbearable. he didn't even try to stop jeongguk. he didn't even tell him he'd be sad and miss jeongguk. nothing else was said but okay.

that's when jeongguk gave up on jimin, finally. 

all he ever wanted was to make jimin happy and he obviously wasn't able to do that, but somehow these new people in jimin's life were able to. so he had to let go.

he wrote an entire paragraph about how he wished jimin well and that they probably shouldn't force to stay together anymore if they were ever even together in the first place. he told jimin the things he wished jimin had done to save them. he told jimin he was happy for him even though it hurt to watch his oldest friend turn into a complete stranger. he told him he loved him still. he sent it and he waited.

he waited for days on end for jimin to answer...

...but he never did. 

fin