Clear Eyes

Chapter 4

I spent the next two hours after school debating between going to the session or not. I ended up in front of the same bland brick building, sitting in my car.

The digital clock on my dashboard struck 5:00pm and I was officially late. My conscious told me to just get in there, but my heart couldn't take the strain. Not this week, not when the anniversary was just two weeks away.

By the time I made the decision to drive away, it was already half past five. The sun was still up, stupid sun. It's not that I had anything against the sun, but sometimes the happiness it represented, really made me wished for the snow.

Why does the sun represent happiness? The sun is physically a big ball of gas, that if we ever got to close, we'd die. Now how could we use this death trap to showcase happiness.

I wound up at the road that lead to the meadow. My training gear was in the trunk of my car, so with the sun just beginning to set, it gave me at least 30 minutes of sunlight to practice.

I no longer compete competitively in archery. I was good, like state champion good, but all that changed when she left. With her dancing and my archery, we were total champions. Not having a care in the world.

All I cared about were movie nights, archery practice, and performing with the band. All that seems so futile now.

"She always was the better athlete" startled by the voice, I aimed my arrow up, releasing it straight into a tree.

I slowly turned around to be greeted with Alex. "Shit, you scared me, Alex" I said, dramatically holding a hand to my heart. She offered me an apologetic smile, before going back to fiddingling with her hoodie. "What are you doing all the way out here?"

"Thinking" she took a seat under the willow, staring out into nothing. "Sometimes solitude is the best place to be. Alone with nothing, but your thoughts."

Sounds like therapy. "Depends on the thoughts" I mused.

Her eyes snapped to meet mine, shocked by my contribution. "Sometimes you need to get engulfed by the thoughts."

"What thoughts are swallowing you whole?" I laid back against the tree stump.

She sighs sadly. "Sometimes life doesn't go your way." She turns to look at me, "But you know all about that" Understatement of the century.

We stayed silent for a little while, watching the sunset across the pond.

The stars were beginning to become visible, when Alex finally broke the silence. "What happened to her?" Her voice quivered. Tears pooled up in her eyes.

"Matt didn't tell you?" I asked rather annoyed, but her eyes held so much, I immediately felt guilty for snapping at her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you"

"It's okay. Matt told me she died, but refused to elaborate. I asked ma and papa, but they said it would be better not to know." Her voice was full of pain, the same pain I had while she died. "Please, she was my best friend."

I'm surprised no one told her while she was in Italy. She could have flown in for the funeral.

"About a year ago, Jennifer and I were going to have a movie night, as we so often did on Friday nights. We headed over to Als' convenience store, over on 25th street. As we were paying two gun men in masks entered the store, taking us hostage. One held me, while the other held Jennifer at gunpoint.

"I ripped my way free from the masked man's hold. If only we weren't the only customers , than maybe Jennifer wouldn't be held gunpoint right then.

"Her sobs racked through the small convenient store. It physically killed me seeing my twin in so much pain."

Tears pooled in my eyes, they always did when it came to this part of the story. "If it wasn't for the cop sirens, maybe the gunman wouldn't have panicked and shot her right in front of me." Her sharp intake of breath, told me she had absolutely no idea the gruesome story behind my twin sisters' death. "They fled, and I held her as she bleed out in my arms.

"Her last words to me were 'I love you. No one could have asked for a better twin.' My tears fell freely onto her, repeatedly telling her how much she meant to me. She died in route to the hospital."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks, as she tried to contain her sobs. "I-i'm so so-o-rry" she choked out in between sobs.

I pulled her into my lap, stroking her hair with my fingers. "There's nothing to apologize for."

After composing herself, she pulls herself back up into a sitting position, wiping away the stray tear that escaped her eyes. "Jennifer was always so proud of you. I remember your first archery competition, she sat in the stands cheering as loud as she could. Kind of like when she started dance competitions, you were always cheering her on."

"We always did have a good relationship. We used to tell each other everything. Or at least she did before high school. About every guy she liked, 'bout every new friend she made." One lone tear spilled out my eye, rolling down my cheek.

"Do you miss her?" Her voice still quivered slightly, but not as much.

"Every damn day" Not a minute doesn't go by that I'm not thinking of her. Jennifer was my other half, and without her I have this gaping hole in my heart, where only she can fill.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and it had been for the past while. I just choose to ignore it. I had three missed calls from Matt, ten from Mom, and one from Dr.Garcia. Typical, my father didn't call. It was way past 7:30pm. "We should get gong. We have school tomorrow"

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow Jason." She walked back to her car, leaving me to pack up my abandoned archery gear.

For some reason I felt lighter. I haven't told anyone the story besides, the police and even then it was mostly already on the security video, so I just filled in the gaps. Mom and dad tried to get me to tell them what happened, but they already lost there daughter, no need to know the extent of the trama I've seen. My therapist stopped trying to ask about that night, the moment I had a full mental breakdown, almost 10 months ago.

He knows the fact that I sometimes relieve the shooting in my dreams. Sometimes she dies, sometimes I die, and sometimes I wake up before the ambulance even shows up.

They never did catch the two who killed her, and that constant feeling that there still out there, always had me on edge.

But the fact now is, someone knows what I saw. I'm no longer holding that memory captive for only me to see.

Maybe now, I can get past the roadblocks blocking my life. Visiting her room, going through her stuff, and finally openly talking about her without throwing hands. Maybe even visiting her final resting place.

Maybe, just maybe.