5SOS BSM preferences & imagines

I wanna thank you guys so please read this<3<3<3<3<3

Hi, this might be a weird worthless update but if you read this I’d appreciate it. 

Well it started in September/November 2013. I started to get really down and it felt worthless doing anything. I didn’t know what it was so I think I googled “Sad quotes” and it came up something like “Being sad all the time is depression” i don’t know exactly what it said but it was something like that. So I googled it and it came up a quiz thing like “Are you depressed?”. I did that quiz and I had 37 of 40 answers to show I was depressed. I just thought it was some stupid quiz like those “How’s your perfect match” and everything. In august 2013 I found 5sos and I fell in love with them and I watched their videos 24/7 and I know I came into the fandom a bit late but every since I found them I’ve been supporting, voting, staying up all nights just for them. In August 2010 I found a british boy band, One direction and I love them with all my heart. Even back in 2009 I found an Australian singer named Cody Simpson, I was just 8 at the time and all english I could was like how to introduce yourself but I still watched all his videos even thou I didn’t understand what he said. I’ve been in love with him ever since then. So that’s basically all about how I found my idols. But they turned out more then idols…… 

I got more and more depressed and I didn’t want to admit I was so I said to people like “I did a stupid quiz and it said I was depressed” and then those people had been like “Lol you’re not”. I started to feel like the only reasons to stay alive was because of 5sos, one direction and Cody. Someday in march my mom and I had a fight (We had that almost twice a day or something) and she took ALL my 1d stuff and that was the first time I cut. It felt good cos it took the pain away from inside and replaced it with my wrist instead. I didn’t have my 1d stuff on like 2 months. Also my 13rd birthday I walked around and as like “This is gonna be my last birthday ever” and 3 days later 5sos gave away tickets to ‘5 countries 5 days’ and I thought this is my time to hear I’m worth staying alive. I didn’t get any tickets. I cut on my ankle that time and I still have scares there (It’s the only place I have scars from that left). That night I didn’t wanna eat cos I thought I wasn’t worth that. My dad got mad an yelled at me. I got out and ate a bit and while I ate my dad got into my room (I don’t remember what he was doing in there) he came out with the razor I had used just some minutes before and asked what I had done. Both my mom, dad and two little brothers were at the table so I lied and ignored it. After the dinner my mom and I fought again. She walked away and leaved me and my dad alone and he asked. “Did you use the razor to do that on your foot?”. I started cry and I repeated over and over “Everybody’s gonna get mad at me” “I’m sorry” and “Don’t be mad at me”. My dad didn’t get mad he just hugged me. I felt like shit, It felt even worse to tell them. I got my 1d stuff back that night. I still cut a few more times after that. The last time I cut was 7th of May this year cos my family would be on a road-trip while Cody would be in Sweden (Where I’m from). I was so mad and I got into a wood close to where I lived. I had only a pair of shorts and a tank top. When I got home that night I cut my wrist, for the last time. The day after I realized it was about a month till I’d go to WWA-tour, where 5sos would open for 1d. I decided to be clean to the concert cos if I had the luck to meet any of the boys I didn’t want them to think I was some depressed cutter. Of course I didn’t meet the boys. 

Since like March this year I started writing a fan fiction, pretty much taking inspirations from my life except a few things like my family. (It’s called Life Of Secrets and It’s a 1d/5sos fanfiction). It was a way to get away from the real world. I wrote about how I wanted my life to be and how I wanted to look and things like that. That was my journey to get back to normal. When I wrote the first 15 chapters I was still cutting. But somewhere along the way I found my way back. I got A LOT of inspiration from Ash through this time as he had gone through kind of the same thing. The whole summer I thought “If Ashton could get through it, why wouldn’t I be able to do it?” I asked my self that a lot this summer. And now I’ve been clean for a few months and I’ve been feeling like I wanna cut but then I think about how proud 5sos, one direction and Cody must be of me that I made it through this. 

Now I’ve changed school and I have like four friends in that class of 24. On my last school I was friend with everyone except like 3, cos they were botches. But I’ve realized that a change might be what I needed. I might not need a lot of friends, I’m okay. Then somewhere along this road trip I started writing preferences to this book. When I cam home I uploaded them and now I’ve over 130 K readers. It’s amazing and I love you so much cos you guys have been a way to disconnect from the real world and make me feel like the way I want to be. I love you guys so much and I can’t ever thank you enough for what you do to me. 

And if any of you goes through the same thing as I did or just wanna talk or something. Feel free to write to me on kik @ Alma_Simpson or add me on snapchat @ alma_simpson I have my snapchat open for everyone to send things to me so just add me and send something and I’ll add you back and answer as fast as I can. I really wanna know my readers so please add me and we can be friends and everything and if I don't answer right away it might be school or I’m sleeping cos my time zone is like 9 hours ahead of Los Angeles and 8 hours behind Sydney (Exactly actually). But I’ll try to answer as many of you<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3