Where Is Home? ✦ T. Holland

chapter thirty-four: guilt

I hopped out of bed, a killer headache. Tom hadn't texted he got home safely, so I decided I would. After I took some very-much-needed advil.

bella!!
hey baby! get home safe?

my favorjte
Yep

bella!!
everything okay? you seem off

my favorite
Nope everything's splendid❤️❤️

He was acting off, but then again so was I with a massive hangover. I headed downstairs after remembering Zendaya and Laura has crashed here. I feel bad, I really need to get my own apartment.

But Tom and I were leaving for London tomorrow, so I would have to pack today.

"Morning." Laura smiles as she left one of the downstairs bathrooms.

"Sleep well?" I smiled at her.

"Yeah, hangover?" She smirked.

I nodded and rolled my eyes before jumping next to Zendaya, who woke up immediately and looked worried.

Laura and I laughed while Daya shoved me, clearly annoyed.

"Get up ya lazy ass." I teased her while standing up.

"Fine, but there better be breakfast or I'm gonna sue someone." I giggled at her remark and headed back to my room.

Just then my phone buzzed, and I saw it was a text from Tom.

my favorite
Hey! I need to see u today, when r u free?

bella!!
in an hour at phil's coffee shop?

my favorite
Sounds good, see u then

bella!!
cool, love you!

my favorite
❤️

I'm not usually an obsessed girlfriend, and this was no special occasion. But he was definitely acting weird. He was always the one who said he loved me. He was always the one to follow up with a nice response.

Maybe I can't go to London with him anymore and he feels bad, but I will be okay. London wasn't even my plan to begin with, so I knew it'd be lucky if it were to work out.

"Hey, Tom and I are meeting somewhere in an hour so you guys can stay here if you want, since it won't be too long. Or you can leave if you want." I spoke as I walked into the kitchen where they were eating.

"I'll stay if you stay." Zendaya turned to Laura.

Laura nodded and agreed, "We'll stay."

They agreed so I ate some food, took a shower, dried my hair, and got dressed. I just threw in one of Tom's sweatshirts and some leggings. I put my hair into a loose side braid and tied my tennis shoes tightly.

I grabbed my phone and car keys and drove off to the coffee shop, where I saw Tom's car parked.

I walked in and smelled the delicious coffee smell, smiling and taking a deep breath. I looked around and saw Tom at a booth, a coffee in his hands while across from him was my favorite.

He was staring off into space like he was last night, so I slid in across from him and took the iced latte into my hands.

"Hey good lookin." I smiled.

He looked up and smiled, leaning in to kiss my cheek. I blushed and my heart filled with warmth.

God I'm so in love, but who cares.

"So what's up? Why were you acting weird over texts?" I spoke after silence, sipping my drink.

"Well, it's just, something I need to tell you." His voice sounded empty and lifeless.

"What's wrong?" My hand reached out and covered his.

"Last night I drank a lot." He said.

"Yeah, I had a bad hangover too." I tried to be funny but neither of us smiled or flinched.

"And..after everyone left...this girl started talking to me." He spoke reluctantly.

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. This isn't what I think it is. Tom is better than that, even when he's shitfaced drunk.

"What about it?" I looked up at him, but his eyes were set on the table in front of him. His eyes filled with guilt.

"I slept with her." He uttered like I was a piece of glass, about to break. His eyes filled with sorrow and sympathy as he looked up.

"What?" I asked in disbelief.

"Is this a prank?" I asked and he nodded his head no.

"Oh my God Tom please. This is some prank, where are the cameras?" I hit his hand and smiled.

He nodded no multiple times, very quickly, while tears filled his eyes.

"Tom." My face went serious as I pulled my hand from his.

"I'm sorry love, it was a mistake." He whispered.

"Are you serious?" I croaked, my eyes watering at an alarming rate.

"I was drunk and my gut told me not to, and I didn't want to. I really didn't want to. But whenever I'm drunk I always do stuff on impulse and something washed over me." He rambled while reaching for my hands. He blinked away tears as he tried to keep himself together.

"Don't." I snapped, tears streaming down my cheeks as I ripped my hands away from him.

"I can't believe you. I can't fucking believe you." My voice was harsh and filled of emotion and vulnerability.

"Please love, I promise I can make it up to you. I-I'll prove to you it was a mistake. I don't love her, I love you!" He tried to smile at me while tears ran down his cheeks.

"Bullshit. If you really loved me you wouldn't of fucking cheated." I said as I crossed my arms with anger.

"I told you baby, I was drunk and I didn't mean to." He pleaded.

"No, no, no, no, no," I denied him. "We're done. You hear me? Done. I don't want to see you ever again, hear from you ever again, or think of you ever again. Okay? And-and, and you forget about that stupid trip to London. I fucking hate you." I spit harshly, anger taking over my heart.

I stood up and slid my drink to him, "The thing that really gets me is you knew what you were doing and you knew it would hurt me. And even that didn't stop you from doing it."

And with that, I left.