Chapter eleven - Santa’s flesh
I DID IT. I ACTUALLY DID IT. HERE IT IS. SANTA’S FLESH AS A CHAPTER TITLE. It's completely unrelated to the actual chapter, but still.
Dedicated to my loyal skittle, @Rxclxss_abxdon, because SANTA’S FLESH. That’s just fantastic. Thanks, dude.
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WARNING: This chapter will contain super fluffy fluff - so fluffy you might die - and SHITLOADS of angst and pining. Pining is my speciality :)
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I thought that since Gerard was finally back to normal and since Ray was back full stop, I could go to school again. Mikey wouldn’t be alone anymore, plus I hadn’t been to school in days– I’d just kept skipping.
Bob looked very unimpressed when I appeared in the playground.
“Where the fuck have you been?”
“I’m so sorry, Bob. Gerard and Renée broke up.”
“Oh! So you’ve been fucking him. It all makes sense now.”
“I have not been fucking Gerard!”
“What happened then? I was alone here for a week. Wilson’s been kicking my head in every day and it’s no fun making up all these sarcastic remarks if there’s no one to laugh at them.”
“I’m sorry. Look. You know Mikey’s sick. And these guys who work for the council came and took Ray away, so Mikey was all alone.”
“Surely he can cope-”
“He’s fourteen, Bob! And- we didn’t tell you- he’s not just sick. He has leukaemia. I couldn’t just leave him on his own.”
“Oh,” Bob said quietly.
“Yeah. And really, Bob, I kind of just want to forget everything I’ve seen in the past few days. Can we just talk about normal stuff?”
“Uh, sure.”
“So… what’s up?”
“I called Wilson a scarecrow yesterday.”
I frowned. Bob said a lot of weird things, but this was one of the weirdest. “Why?”
“Ha, he asked the same thing. I told him because his head is filled with straw. And then I asked him if he wanted a little bit of my brain.”
I snorted. “Seriously?”
“Yeah,” Bob grinned. “Then he kicked me in the head… but it was worth it,” he laughed. Bob didn’t laugh very often, so I smiled with him and made a note to be around for more of Bob’s sarcastic jokes.
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The way Gerard’s face lit up when I arrived at his tent that night made my heart hurt.
“Frank!”
“Hey,” I said. “Someone’s happy.”
He laughed. “I missed you.”
I smiled. “I missed you too.”
He sat down on his bed and patted the space next to him. I sat down beside him, careful to leave a little distance between us. He was inches away, yet I could still feel his warmth bleeding into me.
“So,” he said softly. “How have you been?”
I turned to face him, my light eyes meeting his black ones. He licked his lips and smiled shyly.
“I’ve been… okay,” I replied. “Hanging out with Mikes.”
“Oh.” Gerard looked sad and happy at the same time. “He’s such a fighter.”
I nodded, watching him.
The tent was quiet, empty, save for me and Gerard, and small, frail Mikey curled up asleep in his bed.
Gerard was watching Mikey. The kid had been getting skinnier lately, and out of terror, Gerard had been giving half of all of his meals to his younger brother. He had already been giving bits and pieces of his food to his mother, but he was getting more and more scared for Mikey’s life.
Gerard blinked, tears sticking his dark lashes together. Sighing shakily, he leaned back against the rusted metal headboard of his bed and closed his eyes. He started to cry silently, tears streaking down his face, and my chest ached.
“Don’t cry,” I said.
“Why?” he mumbled.
“Because then I’ll have to hug you again. And then I’ll get covered in black and I’ll have to stay over while I wait for it to fade. And I don’t want to have to do that, because it’s cold tonight and it doesn’t look like you have any spare blankets.”
Gerard laughed quietly.
“There we go,” I said softly. I paused. “I love your smile.”
He glanced down at the floor, blushing, and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He looked so fragile, sitting there, damp eyes and pink cheeks, and I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and never let him go.
Wow. Cheesy. But true.
“Would you still be here if I had cancer?” Gerard asked, nearly a whisper, out of the blue.
“Of course,” I replied almost immediately.
“Why so sure?”
“I could get killed if anyone particularly prejudiced happens to see me coming here. And if that’s never stopped me...”
“But it would be d-different. You don’t really care if it’s your life on the line. You wouldn’t want to come and see me if I was half d-dead.”
“I would.”
“Why?” he asked carefully.
“Because even if you were half dead, you’d still be you,” I said.
“Oh.” There was silence for a few moments, then Gerard smiled. Not really much of a proper smile, just a sort of little lopsided one. But considering the circumstances, that was pretty awesome. “Good answer.”
“I’m full of ‘em,” I responded, with a click of the tongue and a wink.
Gerard snorted. “What else are you full of?”
“Honestly? Crap,” I admitted. “I don’t know why you hang out with me.”
“Cos you make me laugh,” Gerard said, playfully poking my nose.
“Shit! What was that for?” I asked, automatically wiping my nose like that would get rid of the black fingerprint.
“You’re a bad influence on me, you know. Making me wanna take risks all the time.”
“Why? What am I doing that makes you want to take risks?”
“You make it look so fun. And that squeak you made when I poked your nose was adorable.”
“Shut up,” I mumbled. “Sadist.”
Gerard laughed. “I’m sorry, baby,” he cooed teasingly. “Did I hurt your wittle nose?”
“Fuck off.”
“Little baby’s got an attitude!”
“You are so mean to me,” I complained.
“You know you love it,” he smirked.
I giggled. I kind of did– I knew he was just kidding. I couldn’t imagine Gerard actually being the slightest bit badass.
Except maybe with his ideas for the revolution. He was genuinely prepared to stab some fascists to death. With me by his side, of course.
I wondered what all the kids at school would think if they knew what I spent my evenings doing. If they knew how I felt about Gerard.
To them I was just that loner kid who skipped school all the time. Finding out what Gerard and I were planning together would give them the shock of their lives.
I knew they wouldn’t be surprised about how Gerard felt about me, though. Of course he wouldn’t love me too. I’m not really very loveable.
I glanced over at Gerard, checking this wasn’t like in a movie and I hadn’t said any of that out loud by mistake. It wasn’t like a movie. Gerard said nothing. He just sat, chewing on his lip. He always had dry, chapped lips from gnawing on them all the time. Still, I wondered what it would be like to kiss him. I bet once we started to get into it, it would be soft. I bet he’d want me to be gentle, but just a little bit dominating–
“Frankie,” he said, snapping me out of my fantasy.
The squeak I made was mortifying to say the least.
He smiled, amused. “It’s kind of late. You should probably go,” he said reluctantly.
“Oh,” I mumbled.
“C-come back tomorrow, okay?” he said.
I nodded. “Bye,” I said awkwardly as I slipped out of the tent and into the night. The sky was black, dotted with glowing silver stars. It was magical. I’d always had this fascination with stars, with the night in general. It cloaked everything we saw in daylight in darkness, but it gave us thousands of tiny glowing lanterns to light our way in return.
I’d always wanted to sit under the stars with someone for a whole night, just talking and cuddling up for warmth and waiting to see a shooting star and make a wish together.
Something rustled behind me, and I turned around, kind of hoping that it was Gerard.
It was a rat.
I sighed, and left the incastum, retreating home and back to my bedroom through the window. For once, I really wanted to go to sleep, just so that for a short space of time, everything I dreamed of could seem real.
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Guess what? I made a playlist for this fic! It’s just a few songs I think really fit the story :)
The Pretender – Foo Fighters
Violet hill – Coldplay
Cancer – My Chemical Romance (okay, this was obvious, but still)
Yellow – Coldplay
Bring me to life – Evanescence
Pretty handsome awkward – The Used
Grand theft autumn – Fall Out Boy
Yesterday's feelings – The Used
Cemetery drive – My Chemical Romance
I lied – Electric Century
You probably know a whole bunch of these songs already, but if you don’t, then give them a listen! I promise, I have an excellent music taste :P
xoxo
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Disgusting (Frerard)
Fanfiction"There's a reason we are white and pure, and they are black and dirty. There's a reason they stain our skin. That we are shamed if others see those stains. They're bad people, Frank. They're disgusting."
