Once Upon a Time

Anger comes in

Once upon a time I got into a fight with my mom. Except, it wasn't just once upon a time it was always. But once upon a time I got mad enough to punch the cement wall in the basement and injure my knuckle. Once upon a time late at night I would walk into the basement and yell, scream and try to release my anger ¨Healthily". It did not work so I punched the wall again and again. My knuckles bled but I was too angry to notice, my hands protested with every swing, my arms begin to feel like jelly but, I was still mad. I kept swinging until I could not make a fist. I walk upstairs to wrap my hands and try to rest for my anger was diminished for the time being.

Once Upon a time i woke up to injured knuckles and dried blood which clung to my skin the way a newborn monkey might cling to it's mother. Once upon a time my friends would beg me to stop punching things and to try to talk my problems away. It's hard talking about your problems when nobody cares enough to listen. I once saw my mother as a saving grace, a place to go when nothing felt right. Now her and I can go weeks without talking and it makes me wonder why? Why does she treat me like the scum on the bottom of her shoe, why do I get mad enough to punch things until i am unable to make a fist.

Once upon a year I had learned how to heal my knuckles so that I could keep punching the next day. Once upon a year, I lost everyone close to me. My father turned his back on me and my mother treats me like scum. My best friend allex turned on me and as did my sisters. Once upon a night which just so happened to be last night I broke my mothers wall and injured my hand. I punched it out of frustration for everything going on. I punched it out of anger for everyone who had left. Allex, Grace, Skylier, my mother, my birth mom. I punched it out of pure disgust. Disgust of the person I have become, disgust for the things I have done.

Once upon a day, I had nothing left to say. My body has began to shake with anger every time I get mad. I sleep like a rock after punching things, but when I go to sleep mad my dreams consume me and I'm trapped.

"I'm all choked up got a fucked up brain with fucked up thoughts. Thought I was okay but then I guess not hope you know that this is your fault. want you to feel bad for the things you did to me, hope your sad when you go to sleep. " These lyrics are every thing to me. It connects to me for everything that has happened and all the heart breaks I've had.