Red Purple Hope 💖💜💖💜 - Completed

10

"Sho chan..." Whispered J, half silent, as he entered the room where his brother was being taken care. He was no longer wearing this oxygen mask, and all these equipment to control and monitor his heartbeat wasn't as complicated as before.

It had been a long time since the last time J called his brother's name in a more informal way. Somehow his feeling had returned. He realized Sho wasn't only a member of ARASHI but also a person who really meant a lot to him. J thought Kimiko san was right. Perhaps there was an invincible connection between Sho and him. Nobody knows, but until now, J still considered Sho as a very admirable person.

That night, after the meeting and the costume fitting done, J already planned to see Sho kun again. The last appearance he saw always lingered in J's head. He kept thinking about how Sho appearance moved his lips like he was about to say something. He was even thinking hard last night about the words probably Sho said. He wondered, why it had to be like in a dumb movie, why he couldn't hear his voice.

Sho's room was really quite. J moved a little bit closer. Carefully he took a chair next to the bed and slowly lifted it so it would not make any sound. He folded his lips as he lifted the chair, his eyes kept glaring at Sho's shut eyes. He was still sleeping, silently. There was a silently pure expression drew from his peaceful sleep. After a week of being unconscious, his cheeks looked a bit chubbier and his skin was paler than the first time J saw him there. Nevertheless, that night J could see the cheeks were a bit rosier, and he looked much more alive than before.

There was a sudden force inside him to move closer and closer, one step at a time. J's heart was beating faster as moved closer to the side of Sho's bed. His hands are a bit shaking as he hesitantly trying to reach Sho's hand at the side of his sleeping body. J sighed, he convinced himself it was his brother's hand he was going to take. Then he sighed one more time. J's heart thudded as his skin touched Sho's skin. Like thousands of butterflies swarmed inside his chest he suddenly felt his own face was getting warmer, like the warmth he felt from Sho's hand.

 "Aahh ~~~ " he was trembling as the word came out automatically from his lips.  Even his chin started to tremble as he tried hard to control his emotion. Then J sighed, and inhaled deeply.

"Sho chan, can you hear me?" Asked J in a whisper. J grabbed Sho's tighter than before, then he carefully placed his left hand on the top of the back of Sho's hand.

"Sho chan... Look, there's a month left... for us to have the concert. All the preparations have almost done. We are all waiting for you..." J paused. Then he inhaled and continued.

"Sho chan... I, ..." He then paused. ike choking on throat, it was really difficult to give up on hiw own pride and ego.

Nevertheless, a person whom J talked to didn't even give any respond. It was so hard for J to be honest and tell about his true feelings to anyone. Including to a guy who now fast asleep. It's not J. It wasn't his style to do that. J kept glaring at his brother's face. He used to give one of his uniform's button when the graduation day arrived. It was clear in J's mind how he was so happy and proud that he himself sewed the button to his own uniform. He was very proud of Sho. He's really proud to have an ichiban like him.

Both J's hands are still holding Sho's. He shut his eyes and inhaled deeply as he continued his words.

"Look, I'm sucks at this, I don't really know what I'm supposed to tell you..." uttered J nervously.

"I just want you to wake up and recover, and be around us again... So our ideas can meet..." J's voice was a bit husky and trembled as he wiped his nose with a fingertip.

Indeed, there was something missing from this year's concert preparations. It was always a routine schedule for J to consult everything related to it to this brother. He needed second opinion J said. The idea came out from Sho's head was always the one he listened the most. He was the one whom he felt the most comfortable to talk about serious things related to projects, concerts, and some techniques related to them.

This time J felt he was all alone (well, he often feels lonely, but this time he's way much more lonelier than before), there was indeed Aiba, Ohno and Kazu, nevertheless It was Sho's idea he was always waiting for. Even though J admit it that he was too awkward to express his fondness and proud to his big brother. Now, he couldn't deny, he was indeed very lonely, without Sho kun's around, there was something missing each and every day.

J quietly regretted his behaviour toward Sho. Before the accident happened, he was kinda cold and unfriendly to him, He didn't mean that rude. He was just upset and he didn't know how to express his feelings, it was his own pride that had made him acting that way. Sho kun had been quite busy that it was a little bit difficult for J to get his opinion whilst it was Sho kun's opinion he was waiting the most. Every time J asked, the answers were always the same. 

"chotto matta ne, let me finish this first." - Then he forgot

Or,

"Ah that's nice, daijobu,"

Or,

"Aaahhh, gome! I completely forgot, I promise, tomorrow, I'll give my feedback! I only got fifteen minutes today for an appointment with Arioshi San..." As he waved and walked away in a hurry to an elevator in front of them.

Dakara, That was what he felt lately, 'being left alone and neglected'. Sho's busy schedule had made him seemed forgot about his promises to J. That's what was on J's mind. And that was also the reason for J turned awkward, it automatically happened - just like that - when he was disappointed, he turned to be cold and awkward J. He didn't mean it, he never meant to act that way - ever. However, what's come out was all the result of his disappointment.

Back to the room - J was still holding his brother's hand. He rubbed his own palm to the back of Sho's hand.

"You know, I got confused when you're not around...." J continued, he began to be more open. Then he inhaled deeply and sigh. It was a bit trembling.

"I don't feel confident... This is our twentieth Anniversary concert... The five of us... I..." J looked down... He couldn't continue his own words. His chest was getting heavier and heavier, it hurt. He could feel the warmness began to spread all over his face...

"You... can... do it..." J suddenly hear a quite familiar voice. The husky voice he knew, although it was a bit huskier and weak.

The hand J was holding began to move, another hand landed on J's! He was shocked.

"Sho chan..." Whispered J in a trembling voice.

"Macchan... you can do it..." That voice...

J 's eyes widened in surprise, he couldn't believe what he heard and saw, with a feeling of emotion wrapped in delight. Unconsciously the tears came out from his eyes. The man he visited had awakened and opened his eyes...

Sho was smiling, he stared at J who was still in awe. Although Sho's eyes was still dimmed like he just woke up from sleep, but the sparkle showed like he was just having a splendid dream.

"How long have you hold my hand like this?" Asked Sho kun in a hoarse voice, it was still weak as he gave his distinctive smile.

Sho kun's question finally surprised J. Slowly he pulled his hand that had been holding his brother's palm.

"You are already awake ..." Said J with a wide smile on his lips wrapped in glittering eyes behind his glasses. Yes, J can no longer held on his emotion.

"How long have you heard me?"

Sho did not answer, he just smiled.