Addicted to you

Chapter Seventeen

I love you, with no beginning, no end. I love you as you have become an extra necessary organ in my body. I love you as only a girl could love a boy. Without fear. Without expectations. Wanting nothing in return, except that you allow me to keep you here in my heart, that I may always know your strength, your eyes, and your spirit that gave me freedom and let me fly.

~~ Coco J. Ginger ~~

September 2001

Mumbai

She lay on her bed, wide awake, staring at the ceiling. The wee hours of the night spent in studying after battling for hours and crying herself to sleep with futility, finally making her eyes heavy with tiredness, leaving her sleep deprived. She needed to let herself engulf into at least a couple of hours before she could begin the day without anyone questioning her for waking up early. Yet, she couldn't sleep. Not when she knew she lost it, completely, the chance to see him again. Khushi sighed as she turned to the side, taking in a deep breath as she shut her eyes. This had been her routine ever since her father had sent her away for the summer break. Though she was back and started her grade eleven at school, she felt the same cold floor beneath, the usual comfort of her own bed long lost as she thought about the pain the brown orbs would held while he was forced to leave the city without meeting her for one last time. The emails that he had promised to send a dozen times a day was the only solace in her otherwise dark life, even though she managed to reply twice a day without being caught by her parents as she sneaked into her brother's room to use his system.

School, Khushi sighed hopelessly, was same with students and teachers still staring at her at every given opportunity. Some of them were curious to know why she didn't consider changing into some other school where no one knew about the article. Lavanya had suggested the same, and so was her family. The only one who seemed to be as disinterest as always was Shyam who shrugged at the mere thought of it. She had, however, put forth her feet and decided to face whatever was in store for her. She was not a runner. And, as months passed by, people would be busy with their own lives to bother her. When she had informed him about the same, Arnav had laughed. She could hear his laughter as she went through the mail that said how proud he was of her and how he wished to see their faces when she answered back to all the student body to mind their own business. And reminded her of how good a friend Sheetal actually was once she let her guard down. Surprisingly, Khushi had to admit, Sheetal was the only one who stood by her when her own minions whispered at Khushi's audacity to come back for another academic year.

Her days were filled with cautious smiles and nights with hopeless loneliness. Her father had asked her to forget the past and move forward. Her mother had asked her to single mindedly focus on building her career which would be the only thing that could make her independent and successful, while her brother all but asked her to go on, to take life as it comes and not ruin it over one mistake. Khushi tried to clear the buzzing thoughts in her mind as she twisted again, staring into the space as she was lost in the memories of one boy who made her feel most alive despite her being in the deepest pits of a black hole. How could she ever forget that one incident that cleared her clouded mind? How could she let go and move on from the fact that she had loved and lost? And how could she, when Rohan and Lavanya took turns, to approach her with endless questions as what she felt and shared with Arnav? For some illogical, unknown reason, Khushi felt the need to keep every memory of him deep in her heart, hidden from the world to see, least it snatch the opportunity to insult their love. No, Khushi had decided, Arnav and her relationship was theirs to experience and its intimacy was such that she felt contaminating their love by voicing them to the people who might be dubious about it being infatuation. So she had said, after months of persuasion from her brother and bet friend, that she wouldn't want to talk about it. As days passed by, they dropped the topic, though she could still see her brother's cautious gaze following her everywhere.