Things that happened, and I feel I need to write them down

20/2/2019

So you know I only update my diary if I encounter some sort of predicament, right? Maybe not, but you do, now.

I feel like an entirely new person now. Writing "Happy Box" has really changed my perspective of things. But I think the greatest turning point of all was meeting depression.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or anything. I've started interacting with a big cloud of depression. I guess he decided to show his depressed side when he trusted me. I haven't truly felt happiness ever since.

My mood depends way too much on him. I should really start forming my own emotions.

But I'm not here to talk about this. I'm here to talk about Ham.

Yes, you read it. Ham.

Just yesterday, I told Cupy that Ham is relatively sensitive. But then again, Kaori says I'm heartless so maybe calling Ham sensitive is an overstatement. Cupy was worried he hurt her, I reassured him that all was well.

I still recall the last time I hurt Ham.

I can hurt people without realising.

Okay, I do realise, but I make no move to fix it.

I guess it's because I don't really know how to deal with these "negative emotions", I just ignore them. And maybe that's why I strongly believe I'm not depressed.

I cannot comfort people. My mother has seen many patients with depression, and she knows it isn't her job to comfort them. It is her job to heal the sick. The authority used when speaking to depressed patients is what I'm used to hearing.

I sound harsh when I do that, but I know no other way.

You can scream at me, you can rant, you can hit me. But I don't feel sorry, and never will. I will not give in. Not this time.