Random Incorrect Quotes

Markiplier & Alter Egos

Bim: I'm so sorry.
Dark: For what?
Bim: Oh, you didn't see the kitchen yet?

Wilford: Like, how weird would it be if people had food names and food had people names.
Dr. Iplier: Hey, Spaghetti? What's for dinner?
Wilford: Oh, we're having Sandra!
Bim, at the grill: :)
[bIM NO-]

Bing: *trying to climb onto the roof to do a backflip onto a trampoline*
Bim: *trying to stop him*
Google: *cheering him on*
Ed Edgar: *making bets with Wilford over if Bing will break his back or neck first*
Dark, stressed out and confused: Can Mark give us smart, sensible egos for once-

Google: Could you stop talking about your sexuality for five minutes?
Bim: .......
Bim, turning back to Wilford: Anygay-
[me]

Bing: ...Um, why is there a green owl standing threateningly outside?
Yan, typing furiously on their phone: I didn't finish today's Japanese lesson-
[this took me 10 full seconds to get this-]

Wilford: If you're reading this, I'm beautiful.

Kid Yan, crying: The kids at school were making fun of me cause I wear a skirt...
Wilford: I'll shoot them!
Dark: No, Wilford.
Wilford: ...You'll shoot them?
Dark: No, Wilford-
[best dads ever lol]

Dark: WHY IS YOUR REPORT CARD ON THE CEILING?
Yan: You said bring my grades up.
Dark: .............I did say that, lemme see-

Yan, texting: UWAAAAH! ໒( •́ ∧ •̀ )७ SUPPR D00PER GOMEN WATASHI WUZ L8 2 TEH MEETING DARKI-ONIICHAN!! _:('□'」 ∠):_ i thot i saw SENPAI-SAN on te steet & followed him around! lol 💖💖💖💖 but then it turned out it wasnt him! (ﾉಥДಥ)ﾉ︵┻━┻･/ so i KILLED THE IMPOSTER ↑_(ΦwΦ;)Ψ (dun worry! i remember how u taught me how to get rid of the evidence with no traces! ur such a smart onii! （*'∀'人）♥)and then watashi wuz rly sad 💔˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚💔 BUT THEN WATASHI!! SAW!!1! THE MOST!!!! KA!WA!II! NEKO SLEEPIN IN THE SHADE 👍👍👍👍👍Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥ଲ( ⓛ ω ⓛ *)ଲ It waz soooo kawaii! Ill send u a pic! lol ~(=^･ω･^)ﾉ◎～ But rly! watashi is sooooo gomen!!! It wont happen again watashi PROMISES('；Д；｀) plz 4giv ur otouto! 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
Dark, texting: Can you do me a favor, and never text me again?
[nani-]

Dark: Ed, do you like money?
Ed Edgar: ¥£$

Dark: Wilford, you're blocking the view.
Wilford: I am the view.

Dark: So, Wilford's a sleep-talker.
Bim: Yeah?
Dark: "Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. 2 A.M.

Someone: What gender are you?
Yan: I'm a human.
Someone: No, like are you a boy or a girl?
Yan: A person.
Someone: No, like... what's under your skirt?
Yan: Weapons to fight for Senpai's love.

Bing: THIS IS THE ANIME POLICE, PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND GET ON YOUR NICO NICO KNEES!
Yan: ｡ﾟ(ﾟ'Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡
[THIS IS AMAZING-]

Bim, not having sleep for 4 days, pitching a new game show idea: Ok, so you know how most toasters are cowards?

Yan, delirious from studying for their finals: I feel like I wanna murder someone, and also I want soft pretzels.
[big mood]

Yan, in school: Can we just role play anime through Roblox?
[I said this in science class btw]

Bim, reading a recipe: "Beat 3 eggs"
Bim:
Bim:
Bim: At what

Wilford: I got some new clothes, how do I look?
Dark: With your eyes.
Wilford:
Dark: That shade of pink looks absolutely lovely on you, you look so handsome-
[Wilford just slowly pulls out a gun-]

Dark: *sneezes*
Host: Bless you.
Wilford: EXCELLENT DAB, DARK!

Wilford, drunk: Google, do the thing again.
Google: No, Wilford, I'm not going to-
Wilford: Do it.
Google: *sighs*
Google: *Microsoft startup sound*

Bim: Matthias, look how thicc I am!
Matthias: I've seen thiccer.
Bim:
Bim: *tries to start crying*
[a conversation me and my sister just had 5 minutes ago]

Dr. Iplier: How come your eye is so red and bloodshot?
Dark: *thinks back to how he accidentally stabbed himself in the eye with a ballpoint pen because he was out of eyeliner*
Dark: I have an eye infection.

Host: My aesthetic is the kid on the playground who told all the other kids Ring Around the Rosie was about the black plague.
[Me-]

Bim, dressed up for a date with Matthias: How do I look?
Host: .....I have no idea...

The Jims: We bet that you can't make a sentence without the letter 'a.'
Host, scoffing: You thought you just did something, didn't you? Well, sorry to brust your bubble, but numerous sentences could be constructed without using the first letter of the English lexicon.
The Jims: Host, what-

Bim: Hostie, you're a great radio show host, a caring friend, and know just what to say when I'm down. Is there anything you can't do?
Host:
Host:
Host: See

[Yoga class with The Ipliers]
Host: [laying face down on the floor, not moving]
Bim: Hostie, you can't just do the "corpse" pose for an hour.
Host: Watch me.

Dark, really mad: I AM LOST FOR WORDS.
Host, narrating: Despite being lost for words, Darkiplier yelled at me for the next twenty-five minutes.

Kinkiplier: Wow, you and Dark broke the bed? Must have gotten pretty wild last night.
Wilford: Haha, yeah...
[Last night]
Dark: I bet you can't jump high enough to touch the ceiling.