Howl's Twisted Castle

41: The heart of the matter part 2

In the silence that followed Alex's departure, I found myself unable to speak. It all happened so quickly; one minute, I had thought for sure that Calcifer was going to kill me but in the next, like a knight in shining armour, Howl appeared out of nowhere, saving me from my fate. And therein lay the question.

How did he know where to find me?

These invading thoughts swirled around my head, begging me to speak but my lips refused to cooperate. We were so close to each other and yet so far apart, and it was that invisible barrier that stopped me from telling him all the things that weighed heavy on my heart.

I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for everything that happened; that it broke my heart to hurt him the way that I did; that the Witch was still out there, somewhere, using my heart for her own selfish purposes, and that there was nothing I could do to stop her.

Solana. Even thinking of her name made my skin crawl. I glanced over my shoulder reflexively, as if the thought of her could conjure the vile woman out of thin air. I cleared my throat and smoothed the creases in my dress, hoping the gesture would coax Howl to speak first, but the stifling silence it made it impossible to say anything at all. I knew that somehow, I had to fix this before it was too late so, as I wrapped Alex's jacket around my middle, I joined Howl on the balcony for what I felt would be an awkward exchange.

The courtyard below was quiet. With all the patrons packed into the hall for the party, it was only us and the vast darkness of the night as our company. Our shadows cast long figures on the stone floor, illustrating just how far apart we truly were. I tried not to read too much into it, in fact, the separation afforded me the opportunity to observe him quietly so that I might contemplate my next move. 

The cut on his brow had stopped bleeding, and although he had cleaned most of the mess, his cheek was still smeared with red. His mouth was set in a thin line but his expression softened as I came closer. Using the pocket square in Alex's jacket, I twisted it around my fingers and wiped the fresh trickle of blood, following the trail up to the small angry mark above his brow. Closing his eyes, he leaned in so that I could examine the cut with what little light the moon provided me. Covering the wound with the satin square, I held it firmly with my thumb, ignoring his flinch. With my other hand, I held his chin and turned his face so that I could get a better look at the damage. It seemed that most of the bleeding had come from the lone cut, but there was another spot that drew my attention. 

"Leave it be--," he winced, pushing away my outstretched hand before I could assess his arm. It was more than obvious that he had reopened the old wound for the fresh blood had seeped through his white shirt, staining it red. I didn't need to look to know that he had ripped the stitches I had so carefully made.

A knot formed between my eyes.

"Why not? Do you not trust me anymore?"

Silence. 

Howl clutched his wounded arm and looked out over the balcony with a frown. "How can I, after everything that happened between us?"

"But just now you saved my life! You could have let Calcifer kill me if you wanted to, but you didn't!"

Howls laugh was as dead as his smile. He found his discarded jacket on the floor and dusted it off. 

"You think that I'm the kind of man that would stand idly by and let that kind of violence happen? You must think very little of me," he deadpanned.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I think very highly of you, I just--,"

Shrugging on his jacket, Howl shot me a dark look. "Just what? Just decided it was a good idea to antagonize Calcifer for the hell of it? Because that was by far the most reckless stunt I have ever seen someone pull, and that includes your earlier escapade into old Port Haven. That was you, wasn't it? Standing on the windowsill like a thief inside my family's estate?"