Color my life

Chapter 7

There were dozens of missed messages on Emma's phone, causing it to blink in different annoying patterns and colors. She hadn't dared to look at it in an entire month. It seemed that lately, all she wanted to do was sit in her studio with a bottle of scotch and paint.
She picked up her brush and tied her smock around her waist, but nothing would come. She couldn't focus on anything and hadn't been able to focus for the past month.

The blonde couldn't understand why she was taking all of this so hard. She knew that Killian was the type to cheat. He had admitted to doing it in the past, but being the one he was cheating on was a different feeling. She took a long swig of all the amber liquid that was left in the bottle and her thoughts began to blur together. Then her mind drifted to Regina.
She thought about the taste of her lips, the feeling of her skin, the look of disgust in her eyes... Emma squeezed her eyes tightly shut, trying desperately to make the thought go away but it wouldn't. Regina probably hated her now. How could she be anything but disgusted by someone who wasn't wanted by anyone. Not Killian, not her birth parents, no one. She reached for the bottle again, but only found it empty. Slightly drunk and entirely frustrated, the blonde threw the bottle against the wall, causing it to shatter. She knew that the bitter old lady next-door was going to complain about it soon, but she didn't care.
Her head was pounding. She needed to get away from the smell of acrylics and get some aspirin.
When she looked at herself in her bathroom mirror, she almost didn't recognize the person looking back at her. Her bright green eyes were now bloodshot from crying. Her blonde hair was now a mess.
"What has happened to you, Swan?"
She asked herself as she threw the pills into her mouth and downed a glass of water.
To make herself look a little more presentable, she threw her messy hair up into a ponytail.
Just as she walked back into her living room, there was a knock at the door. She groaned. It was probably that lady next-door.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, Mrs. Nelson. I will try and be more quiet."
She said, hoping to get her to go away without actually opening the door.
The knock came again.
She rolled her eyes and opened the door.
"I said I was-."
She stood with her mouth slightly agape.

"What the hell are you doing here?"
She asked. It was Killian She couldn't believe that he had the balls to show his face here again.

"Please Emma. We need to talk. What happened with Felicity wasn't what you thought."

Emma couldn't do anything but roll her eyes. Was he really trying to make excuses? Emma could spot lies from a mile away and Killian was practically vomiting them.

Emma shook her head as she tried to come up with a response to his stupidity.

"Don't even bother. I get it. I was too busy with school and my art to give your dick what it wanted, so you went looking for satisfaction elsewhere. At this point, I don't even really care anymore. You don't want me, so just accept that it's over between us and leave me the hell alone."

Before he could even respond, she had already closed the door in his face. She stood by the door for a few seconds, waiting for him to persist. When he didn't, she let out a sigh of relief. Finally she could go back to being alone.

I wish Regina were here...
She caught herself thinking, but quickly shook the thoughts from her mind.

She doesn't want you, Swan. No one does...

As she sat on her couch in complete silence, her thoughts of Regina and  her self hatred quickly became deafening. She needed to do something to drown everything out, but she was fresh out of booze... She was fresh out of everything now that she thought about it. Maybe it was time to get up off the couch and go to the store. Yeah... It would be good for her to actually get out and interact with the outside world again.
She lugged herself over to the shower and for the first time in a week (yeah I know...gross) she washed off not only the filth of her body, but the filth of her mind. It felt good to let the hot water roll down her skin. It was therapeutic to have her hands massaging the soap into her scalp again. She was feeling better already and she was still in her apartment. It's hard to appreciate the little things until they are the only things keeping you going. Finally she could begin to be herself again.

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Once she pulled her car into the parking spot, she took a deep breath and prepared herself for the absolute mess that was humanity.

Get in. Get out. Get in. Get out...

She said this mantra to herself over and over again as she pulled out the list of things she 'needed'. Truthfully the only thing she really needed on the list was toilet paper. Everything else was booze and comfort food.

It didn't take the blonde long to make a B-line for the alcohol section and fill her cart with almost everything in stock.

Just as she was reaching for the last bottle of Jack Daniels, another hand grabbed for it.
She let out a defeated sigh. Why couldn't things just be easy? Maybe this was the universe telling her that she had enough alcohol to drown herself in and she didn't need that Jack Daniels or maybe the universe just liked to see her suffer. Either way the situation sucked.

As she was just about to give up and let the stranger have the bottle, she noticed something familiar about the competing hand. There was a small gold ring on the persons finger. A ring much like the one Regina wore constantly...

Oh shit...
Emma thought to herself in frustration. Could she not catch a break today?

It took every ounce of strength she had not to look at the face of the person. She hoped the ring was merely a coincidence... Eventually curiosity killed the Swan and Emma's eyes met a familiar pair of ruby red lips.

Fuck...

Not wanting to seem weird, Emma quickly pulled her hand away.

"Sorry... you uh... you can have that..."

Feeling like an idiot, Emma quickly turned and walked away.

"Emma wait. Please."

Regina looked at the blonde with a desperation she had never felt before. This was the most contact she had had with the blonde in over a month and she was determined to not let this time go to waste.

"Wait. Why... why don't we split this bottle back at your apartment and we can maybe...talk?"

Emma stopped dead in her tracks. She wanted to keep walking. To just go to the checkout line and just get the hell out of here, but she couldn't move. Something about the sound of Regina's voice made her stay put.
Emma thought about the brunette's words. Wanting with every fiber of her being to say yes, but no sound would come out of her mouth.

"I... I'm sorry about everything... I miss you. Please Emma."

The words 'I miss you' played over and over as she turned back to face Regina. She looked deep into the chocolate brown eyes that she had only dreamed about for the past month and found it impossible to say no.

"Uh... sure ... I guess... Can we maybe wait like an hour? My place is kind of a wreak."

Regina's eyebrows raised in surprise. She hadn't expected Emma to actually say yes.

"Yeah, take however much time you need."

Emma nodded and the pair gave each other awkward smiles as they parted ways.

Both women knew that they had nothing to be afraid of, yet both of them felt an immense amount of anxiety as the hourglass began to run out of sand? What would they say? Would they go back to the way things were after apologies had been exchanged and the kiss had been talked out? Neither of them could be sure but both women missed the other deeply, they just didn't know it.

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A/N:

Hey guys. I know this chapter is not only really late, but full of depressed Emma. I hope you guys enjoy though! I'm not going to make anymore promises about me trying to make another part as frequently as possible because we all know that I won't keep up with it. However, I will guarantee that this book will be finished eventually, I just don't know when. Thank you all for bearing with me and thanks for reading.

                                                                                      ~ Liz