That night, Jessica slept better than she had since he left. The way that his body pressed against hers sent so many memories running through her head of what used to be. It was the way that her bare body fit perfectly into his and their breath was steady and slow, just like it was so many times before. His faint snoring was like music to her ears. It was then that it finally hit her, she got him back. Just as soon as the glory hit her, so did the feelings of condemn knowing that the problems were back, too. She couldn’t just sign on to being a 1D girlfriend again without having a strict understanding of what was to come next for them. She wasn’t going to give up on him that easily, but she wasn’t going to give in the same way either.
The sunlight streamed in through Jessica’s sheer paneled chiffon curtains. She knew the other side of the bed was empty when his arms slipped from underneath her body about twenty minutes earlier, but she knew he was still there by the angelic humming in the kitchen. She slipped on her oversized T by Alexander Wang v-neck along with her lace underwear. She ran her fingers through her hair and let out a sigh as a way to calm her nerves for what was to come for the rest of the day. She guided her body upright to her feet and stepped silently to the kitchen. She peaked her head around the corner to see Zayn singing Ed Sheeran ‘Small Bump’ with the occasional humming which of course meant that he forgot the words. He was never really any good at remembering lyrics. He heard her faint giggle which caused him to turn around with the biggest smile on his face. God, how he missed her laugh.
“What are you laughing at?”
“You. Nice boxers by the way.”
She picked up a grape from the bowl he set out on the counter. She plopped it in her mouth as she did so many mornings before when they lived together. It was only this time that they weren’t so sure what would happen next. Does he go home and we act like this never happened? Or do we talk? That word: talk. It scared the living shit out of her. She knew that somewhere deep inside that she would have to dig for him to actually tell her about what actually happened between them. It was so much more than him having to spend time in the studio every second. Her schedule was a little more compromising, but somehow Preston would swoop in and take away the mere seconds that they would have to spend together. All she wanted was for someone to actually fight for her. She wanted to feel important. She needed to feel that someone actually wanted her in their lives. It wasn’t even Zayn’s fault that she felt that way and she knew that. It just hurt her, because she thought that he understood.
Zayn on the other hand did know. He knew that she was hurting and he knew exactly why. When he looked into her eyes, he didn’t see the brightness that was once infused in her brown eyes. The color of her eyes was a dime a dozen, but it was the mirror like glaze that used to be there that differentiated them from everyone else’s. That however was lost and it was almost as if he was looking into the wrong person’s eyes when he was searching for the woman he loved in those eyes. It almost killed him to know that he did that. He never wanted to be the cause of her pain, he only wanted her happy. No matter how that was achieved.
“So…” she spoke, “Maybe we should finally talk.”
She didn’t dare look into those eyes. She looked down at her fingers as she spoke; it was her only defense really. Had she looked into those brown eyes, he would be forgiven within an instance. The plan last night went a little differently than she had initially planned. No complaints, but still. Zayn nodded. He knew there was no getting out of this one and that it really needed to happen if they were trying to have a fresh start in their relationship. Zayn Malik had one goal in mind and he vowed to himself that he wouldn’t leave without accomplishing it. She would be his by the end of the night. No exceptions.
