Boondocks One Shots

What Are Big Brother's For?

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Huey Freeman sat on the couch with an essay on his lap. He would've worked in his room, but he still shared it with Riley's loud ass. The sixteen year old wrote with the speed of electricity, never pausing. He would've kept up his pace if it weren't for the sudden interruption from above his head.

"FUCK!"

Huey's hand paused and he glanced towards the stairs. After a moment of silence, he continued.

"OW OW OW SHIII--"

"Riley, shut up!" He yelled, stopping his writing again. In response, all he heard were more cries of pain. With an irritated sigh, he placed the essay and pen next to him and got off the couch.

Huey followed Riley's grunts to their bedroom door where he grabbed the door handle and twisted - only to find out that it was locked.

"Fuck off, Mchater!"

"Why did you lock the door?"

"Can't a nigga get some privacy?! Damn!"

Huey's scowl deepened. "Riley. Open the door."

"You gay, Huey!"

Huey stepped back, rolled his neck, and rammed his shoulder into the door. One push caused it to burst open.

"AH!"

"What the..."

Riley was sat at their desk with his eyes wide. Huey raised a judgemental eyebrow when he saw the laptop in front of him, with its back turned to him. Riley's legs were open and stiff.

"You've got to be kidding me," Huey started, "Are you watching porn?"

"Get out!" Riley yelled back and then winced when his legs shifted.

They stared at eachother, hard.

"You were masturbating, and hurt yourself, huh?"

"What the fuck?! Nigga get yo ass out! It ain't none of yo business!" Riley grimaced. "You nasty!"

Huey rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He turned to leave.

"Huey, wait!"

Huey sighed and turned around, crossing his arms. "What?"

"...I think I broke it."

.
..
...

"BWAAA HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Granddad hunched over in laughter, hugging himself as tears flowed down his eyes. Huey was leaned on the wall with his arms folded, wanting to leave, and Riley, of course, was still sat in place with a scowl on his face. "You fo got to use the lube, huh, boy?"

"Woo...that's a good one," Granddad stood up straight and wiped his tears. "Y'know what boy, ah think it's time fo the talk."

Huey grimaced and Riley gagged. "Euhhh, Granddad Ion need no talk! I need ta go to the hospital!"

"Nigga hush. You see, boy," Granddad made a straight face. "Women, they got an outlet, aiight? And men gotta plug. When the two meet, sparks fly--"

"Granddad," Huey interrupted, making Riley sigh in relief. "I think Riley knows how it works."

Granddad's eyes grew wide. He yanked off his belt. "You've done it?! In my house?!?!"

"NO GRANDDAD!" Riley held his hands up. "Sex Ed!"

"Mmhm. Better been. I ain't want ta raise no grand kids." Granddad put his belt back on. "Aiight then. If you don't want mah advice, then I guess I'm off. Huey, when y'all done, go get me some orange juice. We out."

"But--"

Granddad left and Huey facepalmed. He grabbed his jacket and also began to leave when Riley called him again.

"Where you goin'?!"

"To buy orange juice," Huey muttered, annoyed.

"But, Mchater...Huey!"

Huey stopped at the door and turned around, shrugging on his coat. "What now?"

"Uhm..." Riley glanced down at his groin again.

"It's skin chafing," Huey explained with half lidded eyes. "Just clean it with water and rub it thoroughly. Then when you're done, add some petroleum jelly. Give it some time and walk it off later."

"Petro-- what?"

Huey looked up for a moment. "I don't think we have any...I'll get you some from the store. Cool?"

"Yea...yea, cool..." Riley bit his lip for a moment as Huey waited for him to continue. "And, uh...thanks." Riley nodded cooly and cleared his throat, awkwardly.

"What're big brother's for?" Huey asked rhetorically and walked out.

When he was sure Huey was gone, his lips turned up into a smirk. He grabbed his phone and opened his chats.

Escobar: Ay. How u avoid skin chafung?

Caesar: You mean skin chafing? Damn. Someone was beating their meat 😂😂😂😂

Escobar: Boy 😤

Caesar: Aight chill😂 I got one. Don't touch it.☺

Escobar: HA!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Thank U, nxt

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