Like a dream

CHAPTER- 7 THEN

My legs carry me away as fast as they could on their own accord. Hoping the special person behind the locket is no one to be worried about, I realize how hard I've fallen for him. My eyes are looking forward, yet they cannot see anything in the front. They gaze distant into the void, where my mind is in constant denial with my heart. My mind forsakes these feelings in my heart, arguing how can a person fall in love in such a limited time. My heart has no answer, but it has only the hazel green tainted memories of warmth from the times we spent together. My mind refuses to take that for an answer. It seems like a total infatuation issue but the invading hollowness in my chest proves otherwise.
It is nearly 10 when I reach my apartment. I throw all my belongings on the sofa and head straight to my room and plop onto my bed.
My door creaks open and Dian appears squealing ‘ Lei, I'm back home.’
‘ When did you come?’ I ask relieved that I didn't have to keep staring at the walls anymore.
‘I came by 9 and you weren't there. Where were you?’
‘I was at Nick's house.’
‘You what?’ her voice full of suspicion and mouth in a teasing smile.
‘We did nothing. Just stargazing and..’ I trail off as scenes of Nick saying about the Lyra constellation and the special person comes to my mind.
'And…’ she asks stretching that ‘and’ cheesily.
‘Coming to a discovery that he already has a person he likes and something painful happened between them.’ I say ending with a fake laugh.
'What’s happening?’ Dian sits beside me on my bed, looking down at me.
‘Nothing has happened other than that.’ I say bringing my arm up to close my eyes.
‘I mean you like him? I didn't know that.' She catches my arms and looks into my eyes with surprise.
‘Nor did I.’ I shut my eyes tightly.
‘What do you mean? You didn't say to him.’
‘How can I say to him? It's too early and he already has a woman he loves.’ My lips start trembling.
‘Honey, it's ok. Nothing began so it's gonna be okay in a few days.’ She caresses my head.
‘So who is she?’
'I dunno. I didn't have the guts to ask. All I know is he wears her locket and he looks so pained whenever he talks about her.’
‘What?’ her eyes widen. ‘So you're crying here assuming that he has a girl in his life.’
‘I’m not assuming. It's very well evident.’ I protest.
‘Shut up Leila. Did he ever say that he has a girlfriend?’
‘No.’
She gives me a "are you stupid" kind of look. He didn't say but I'm afraid to find out whether he really had a girl in his life and it's so painful to see him still loving her.
‘Love can make people dumb but not this dumb. Don't decide anything without knowing how he feels about you, Leila’ her voice being stern.
'I can't ask him because ….I just don't want to mess up whatever relationship we have. I'm fine with just being friends.’ I say turning to my side, away from her, more likely away from the reality.
'Don't you think that you're being a coward at this point.’
I remain silent.
‘Leila... I can see very well that your feelings for him are quite strong. I don't think that being friends will work out. Don't be so hard on yourself, Lei.’ I bite my lower lip. Yeah, it may be hard on me but it's better than knowing about the woman and how I can never ever reach her place.
She continues ‘If you don't let him know how you feel, you'll really regret it your whole life. I mean it, Leila.’
‘I'll think about it. I just need some time.’
‘Take your time. Just don't forget what I said’ she says as she walks out of the room.
I just don't want to think about it right now. My brain has gone totally numb from all this mess.
I search for my phone as I remember I forgot to check my mail for the whole evening. My eyes widen with shock when I see the home screen. Five missed calls and many messages from Nick an hour ago. I read the messages feeling anxious about the contents.
‘Did you reach home?’
‘I'm sorry if I did anything to offend you. I really didn't mean it.’
‘Hope I will get a word from you later Leila. Good night.’
Does he think he has offended me? Great job Leila for making him worry. I text an apology for my abrupt departure but I can't come up with any reason. I can't say him I ran away because of my insecurities. I reply
‘Sorry for making you worry. I was not feeling well.’
‘I reached home safe. Thank you.’
'Have a good night.’
I typed cautiously not to sound too friendly. As I lay my mobile on the Chestnut table aside my bed, a sudden Ping from my mobile startles me. What? A message from Nick. Woah, that's quick. Wondering what his reply would be I read the message.
‘Are you free tomorrow?’
That's unexpected. My curious fingers ask
‘No, every day is a busy day in the Briana McQuillan. Why?’ I try to sound cheerful.
‘I just wanted to take you somewhere.’ I freeze. For a moment, I feel happy that he wants to spend some time with me. But the next moment, the locket comes to my mind. I ask
‘Where?’
‘Are you free in the evening?’ He asks trying to dodge my question.
‘Yeah…’ I type.
'Where and when shall I meet you?’
‘In front of my house at 6.’
‘Okay. See you then .’
‘See you.’
I leave a big sigh. His behaviour totally confuses me. Now Dian's words make sense. I can't be just friends with him. Rather than carrying this heavy heart, I would say him my feelings and get rejected properly so that I can move on.
Since I am so tired, I drift immediately into my slumber only to be wakened up by my obnoxious alarm. I rub the sleep off my eyes and get ready for the day.
Only when you're out of the spirit to live the day, the day will go agonizingly slow. Today is such a day. So beaten as I am after work, I retreat to my apartment by four.
After a quick power nap, I get ready to go somewhere with Nick. I pair my black jeans with a white turtleneck and boots. I apply minimal makeup and let my hair down. This is the best I can come up with for now. It's 5.45. Nick will be here by 6. I make myself a coffee as I'm feeling down. When I finish my coffee, I hear the doorbell. It must be Nick. I fetch my belongings and rush to the front door.
Nick stands there wearing a white tee with a black leather jacket and black jeans. He has let his hair free.
He is looking at me with his head cocking to the side and some soft strands of hair sliding gracefully off his shoulder ‘We are twinning.’
‘Yeah.’ I try acting normal, faking a smile. I'm being self-conscious.
‘So you're ready? Shall we get going?’
‘Sure.’
We leave my apartment and get into a taxi after Nick mumbling the address into the driver's ear.
‘So where are we going?’ I ask him again.
‘You know very well I'm not gonna say’ he says with a smirk.
‘Whatever..’ I mumble and look out of the taxi’s window.
‘How are you feeling?’
‘What?’ I ask not sure about what feeling he's talking about.
'You said that you were not feeling well, yesterday.’
'Oh… Yeah yeah, I'm okay now but still, feel a bit sleepy.’ I stammer.
I pinch the root of my nose, thinking how can this day get any worse. I see the taxi entering a rich neighbourhood with stunning mansions. I really don't have any idea where he's taking me. We halt before a white gate with intricate floral designs.
‘Where are we?’
'This is where I grew up'  he says slipping his hands into his jean pocket.
I look at him unbelievingly. His gaze is fixed on the mansion. His hazel green orbs gaze at the mansion nervously.
He places his hand on the small of my back and says ‘Let's go inside. Come, Leila.’
My adrenaline is soaring crazy and my eyes are like an owl's. I don't believe anything that's happening. Why has he taken me to his house of all places? As the security guard takes a look at Nick, he becomes dumbfound. He opens the gate immediately saying ‘Welcome master Nick' and runs back to the security room. We walk nearly a yard in the circular driveway with lush green meadow in the centre. The mansion is modern Victorian architecture and completely in white. As we approach a huge flight of stairs, the main door opens and an old man dressed in a suit comes out. His demeanour suggests me that he is a Butler.
'Mr. Mason’ Nick goes and hugs him.
Mr Mason replies ‘Good to see you master Nick after such a long time. You have a brought a beautiful visitor and it's such a shame that we were not priorly notified.’ Mr Mason says giving me a smile and a slight bow.
‘This is Leila.’
‘Nice to meet you' I say as we shake our hands.
‘Pleasure’s all mine, Ms Leila.’
My eyes catch the sight of a large sign near the main door saying ‘Khanna mansion’ maybe his dad's name.
Mr.Mason leads us inside and Nick explains to me that he is the head butler and he is here since his sister Kayla was born. A large crystal chandelier descending from the soaring ceiling greets me as I enter the grand foyer.
‘I'll take her, Mr Mason’ Nick says and Mr Mason leaves us alone with a nod.
Unable to meet his eyes due to nervousness, I divert my gaze to the floor. The polished marble floor reflects our image clearly just like a still water body would do. I see Nick's attention divert to me in the reflection.
‘Why are we here?’ I ask as the suspense kills me still looking at the reflection.
‘I want you to meet somebody.’
‘I want you to be specific Nick. No more mysteries’ I demand.
Silence prevails in the foyer for a moment.
‘I want you to meet my mother.’
I can't seem to get the head or tail of what’s happening. He didn't have to keep this meeting secretive from me. Plus why is he nervous? Maybe his mother is super strict and Nick's afraid of his mommy. Nah, that's ridiculous. The main question here is why in the world am I meeting his mother? I can't ask him why. It would be disrespectful.
‘You could have told me before Nick. I would have gladly come’ I say meeting his eyes.
He replies me with a smile and says, ‘Follow me.’
I follow him into the parlour with the huge french windows occupying a whole wall and the opposite wall boasts a magnificent fireplace. The adjacent wall has many photo frames but I cannot focus on any photos. The next is the dining room with a huge dining table with the walls decorated with expensive cutleries.
Our path finally comes to an end in the bewitching courtyard which overlooks the dining room. This one has more plants than all the plants in Nick's place put together. Pretty flowers hang gracefully from all the direction.
Nick goes and stands in the corner and calls out, 'Leila, meet my mother.’ I follow his gaze with a smile to meet his mother.
There's only a photo there. Realization dawns upon me slowly that his mother is no more. I look at Nick in the corner of my eyes. The same pained expression paints his face. His sadness scrunches my heart and I reach out to his arm.
‘I'm sorry. I was so insensitive.’
‘Don't be sorry. I didn't say anything to you, so how would you know.’
His other hand covers my hand and squeezes it. Nick's mother looks beautiful and seems no more than 40. I can see the same hazel green colour in her eyes.
‘How did she pass away?’ I ask him as it is obvious that he wants me to know of his mother's death.
He looks down and I notice the rage in those hazel green eyes.
‘It's my dad' he says, makes a pause and then continues. 'He suspected my innocent mother of having an affair and a few days after it she died in a car accident.’
It sounds like suicide. I don't know how to console him.
‘She left me when I was only 19.’ His grip on my hand tightens and his shoulders go slump. He seems like a small child still missing his dear loving mother badly. Even after 7 years, he still hasn't moved on, not even a millimetre, from his mother's death.
I release my hands from his grip and move away from his side. I stand before him and hug him. It really bothers me seeing Nick in such a wrecked state and even though this act will not fill his empty heart it's the best I can do from my part to relieve his pain and even my pain. But at the same time, somewhere in my heart, I feel happy as he wanted to share his pain and suffering with me.
I feel his hands envelop me.
A few seconds later we break our embrace and he says ‘Thanks. I feel a lot better.’
‘Me too.’ The words escape my mouth before I realize. I look away embarrassed. Oh shit. That wasn't meant to be said aloud.
‘Leila’ he calls. I force myself to look in his direction.
He points to the locket on his wrist.
‘It's my mother's’ he says with a smile.
‘So she's the special person?’ I ask him unconvinced. I can't believe how dumb I was.
'Yeah..’
'Oh.’ I reply dumbly.
‘Well, I wanted you to know that it belonged to my mother and not to anybody else.’
I have no idea what to reply to this and I stand there blinking like an idiot. Mr Manson comes to my rescue.
‘Sorry to interrupt you, but an evening snack has been prepared.’
I leave the courtyard on that excuse and I didn't look back at Nick. I know exactly what his reaction will be.
After the snack, I depart from the mansion. Nick stays back and I don't want him to accompany me anyway as I'm a total mess right now, smiling stupidly all the way back home.