Over and Layed to Rest

Old Habits

The room is silent as she just sits on the floor with her knees to her chest. She can't really explain what shes feelings but she remembers moments like this always led to one thing. There was a time when she stopped for a while and finally gave in, her legs seemed to be covered more with fabric than ever before. She stopped caring for that simple moment and life seemed ten times better. Its was her way of escaping her emotions without letting them out. She remembered when it almost went to far and she sat in her own pile of blood. Her head was light and her eyes were blurry. She was calm and she wasn't no longer feeling anything.

She liked it.

Then something told her to get up.  Blood outlined her thighs where she sat on the white tile floor. She knew what she had done and didnt care. And now it seems she was back at that moment.

Her legs felt strong but a lump formed in her throat as she made way for the bathroom. The rain hit the window hard which settled her rapid beating heart.

She reached for the hot water to allow her body to be enveloped in steam. The tub began to fill with hot clear water. Goosebumps rose on skin as she just sat on the toilet lid waiting for the anticipation to easy over. Taking a deep breath, she turned the water off and stepped into the bath.

It was hot at first but then it became more relaxing the further her body sunk into the water. A familiar friend sat on the edge of the tub waiting to be picked up. Life began to replay in her mind. The happy moments where she would not have thought to do this but then dark cloud formed that made this situation seem too easy.

She picked up the metal and rubbing her thumb against the sharp edge. It would be the last time that she would see this tool. It would be the last time that she would hear the rain drops or even feel them on her skin. This would be the last moment she will witness.

With one last breath, she touched the sharp metal to her soft skin of her left wrist first. And then without hesitation, applying just enough pressure...skin broke. At first the blood just beaded the  the further she went up, the more blood began to ooze out. The pain was absolutely excruciating but she continued.

Her heart beat was in her throat. She knew she had to continue so with shaky hands, her bloody hand moved to the right wrist. Once she was done, all she could was stare at the ceiling. A blissful smile came over her face when she realized how much pain was finally over.

Her eye lids became heavy and her vision blurry. Then her past breath came... she starred at the silhouette of a tall man with a plaid shirt and dark jeans.

Oh how I've miss you is all she could whisper than she ran to him with open arms.