Inextricably Twisted

These emotions are all-consuming

I feel them as they're looming

I thought I had it solved and now I'm viciously undoing

Everything that I thought I had conquered on my own

Guess now I know I can rip away the seeds that I've sown

From the ground I let the dirt crumble between my fingers

While the bleeding feeling lingers

I sit as I malinger

Then I stop in my tracks

I'm becoming everything that I want to detract

And while my will power lacks

I fall into a dream where the only things I see aren't quite what they seem

And I'm bursting at the seams

I can't fall into line

And even though it all feels fine

It's just another hiatus that places us beneath the things I trust

Which isn't much to speak for so I fall flat feeling unjust

And when I pick myself back up again

I can't say who I am

Can't say what I make of this, can't say I understand

But that never was the plan, was it?

I toss a few rocks and turn to split

And you know the venom I spit is just a mask for what I can't fix

Never mix optimism with deep thoughts

And never think more than you aught

To, before you knew, everything was clearer

But now you face a mirror

That puts things into a new perspective

This memory I have is selective

But I elected what I've protected and now I'm stuck in this cycle once more

Tear down everything I adored

Open another door to find myself lost

And hopelessly I drift back to these thoughts

Don't try to follow the words that I wallow in

I'm hollow inside, can't you see I've swallowed the pride

About a dozen times

And I'm hungry for another try

I'm starting to think that it's time

To accept this fate as it was meant to be

I can be my enemy and although I can't manage to amend

I can see it through to the end

Without a hand to lend I'll drag myself down the path

The one that leads us to the aftermath

The black pit of boiling wrath

The ugly darkness that lives inside of me

Lives inside of we

Grows with every sight we see

Every word we read and every word we write

We fight and we fight but know that it all ends in plight

There's no flight

Just those whispers in the night telling you it's alright

But it never is and it never was

You never believed it then and never will again

But this time at least you know that you have a friend

At least now you know you have someone to depend

On, but don't get comfortable

This road leads to more of what you've deemed irreversible

And as dependable and sufferable as you may seem

You might as well learn to accept the current of the stream.