An Encounter to Remember - COMPLETED (Editing)

The one with the huge lie

Puneet POV :

We all have those days , I dont know if anyone agrees with me or not but we do, we feel like we do not deserve good things , we feel like we do not deserve to be happy, we feel like we do not deserve to be loved, that is exactly how I felt , why wouldn't I feel that way ? I hurt the most beautiful and sweet women who happened to love me in the past, I am not saying I was not in love with her , god !! she was beautiful , she was my good acquaintance, she was in love with me since we were kids, but I think I loved her too but now I doubt it, the love I felt for her was mere protectiveness and immense respect for her, she was insanely smart , always the topper,she skipped classes because she was that smart. 

She had some infinite medals in her name and she also was quick in getting her dream job as a scientist at a very young age of 23. Yeah now when I think about it I know I loved her but I can also say I was passionately not in love with her. She fit the bill of perfect wife and daughter in law, I liked her a decent amount so when her parents proposed to mine I immediately said yes because first thing , she loved me, she told me herself and second thing she understood me , she was beautiful and sweet. 

I felt like it could be a successful marriage. I was wrong the passion for my work overtook my responsibilities of a husband, I couldn't play the part of a romantic husband handing out flowers, saying sweet things and taking out on romantic outings. My indifference hurt her, I took her for granted, I could not understand why a girl like her who claimed she loved me did not understand how much I loved my job, though I wanted to be a good , attentive husband I failed miserably. I guess I was not ready for a huge responsibility. When I told her I could not do it anymore, when I cannot fight with her everyday because it is not a typical lovers spat but a fight with out any love, it was a fight filled with complaints and dissatisfaction of expectations. I loved her , she was my friend but I could not fall in love with her, it was not the kind of love she had expected from me. See I am an idiot and also a coward that  I could not say out sincerely that "sorry I do not love you in that way ". I still have the letter she wrote to me few days before she got married to the guy who loved her back, I opened it and read it again....

Dear Puneet,

Yeah I know this letter would be out of blue for you, I told you I never wanted to see you or talk to you. You know how hurt I was when I left ? I waited in the nights for you to come home and eat what I made for you , the food I made with love but you always made me wait for you for countless hours and then just said a quick sorry.  At first I was proud of you, you loved your work but then I got jealous, I always asked myself why did I love you so much ? I always asked myself why dint you love me as much as you loved your job? Why ?

My days and nights were filled with questions, when you were away there is this weird silence in the huge house we had but when you were there I felt like I was talking to the walls, why ? what was my fault in all these?

When I confronted you one fine day you just apologized, you did not meet my eyes , there I was standing in front of you in most ridiculous outfit to surprise you when you came home but what did you do ? say that you were tired , that was the day when you finally talked to me because I finally raised my voice, I confronted you, I cried uncontrollably to ask you the reason of your indifference then I came to know you were not ready to get married, you did not love me that way I loved. You said yes because it seemed like the best thing to do but you were not ready to accept me as your wife. I was now not ready to live this marriage either.

The next morning I left the house we bought together , that was the first time I felt free, my mom and dad hugged me that was the time I felt loved again. Now I wanted to tell you I moved on, I got my closure by writing this letter because even when I left or even when we got divorced I wondered why could I not make you fall in love with me?  Did I even try enough ? 

Then a year back I met Amar , being with him made me realize what exactly it is like to be loved irrevocably, I fell for him immediately after he proposed because guess what he made an effort to know my likes and dislikes, he looked at me as if I was Selena Gomez or Priyanka Chopra or some other beautiful women out there who guys love.

So I wanted to say thank you for not falling in love with me, thank you for not giving me your time because guess what I loved you enough to know that even if you would have tried about a 5 % to keep me happy I would never have left you or given up on you. Thank you for bursting my bubble I build around myself.

Truly not yours anymore,

Kashish.    

 I read that letter again , it bought tears in my eyes that I hurt a very sweet person who loved me. Did my parents differences hurt me so much that I failed to believe in love? Did my parents daily arguments annoy me so much that I could not fall in love with a sweet person like her. When her proposal came, and my parents forced I thought it is better to accept than to hurt a soul like you but I was wrong, I hurt her anyways. 

I tried loving her , to fall in love with her, though I did not believe in love because my parents apparently got married in love but fell out of love the minute they had differences, then they lived like two strangers for the sake of society. The truth was because she was my friend it would be easier to fall in love with her because we understand each other, we like each other , but from the moment we got married I felt like I was doing a sin, I felt weird even going near her , to touch her to spend time with her. The marriage broke in about six months not including the time I deliberately lied and stayed at a hotel to avoid our honeymoon and her frequent work related trips.

If I cannot fall in love with her , then I think I do not have it in me to love anyone. I might again like an idiot think I like a girl but that does not mean I could fall in love with a girl ever. My parents really made me a coward. 

When I met Amayra some time ago, I liked her as soon as I saw her. When we talked about my divorce she did not pity or sympathize, she said she knew how I felt , when I got to know how her parents were separated I saw myself in her, I hoped that if my parents separated before it got ugly between them then I would not have been screwed up. That was the difference between me and her. Her parents divorce made her strong, she seems happy that the ugly past is over, I wished then that I was happy too....

She tried to call me for some tissues I gave her a formal nod and handed her tissues I saw her eyebrows twitching in shock , I know she was hoping I could recognize her but I made every attempt to stop myself from talking to her.

I go to my seat in the front and sit down because there was a turbulence warning, I could see her from my seat , she looked upset , did I do that to her ? Was my indifference hurting her, I saw fidgeting with her fingers in her lap, then she started biting her nails, oh god she was stopping herself from crying , I am a douche , I meet people and I hurt them. I longed to go hug her and tell her how sorry I am but I stopped myself.  

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Hey Guys,

Sorry for the delay in the update , I was busy with my internals 

Hopefully you liked Puneet and his version of why he wants to be alone now , but point is can he stop himself ?

Happy reading,

Love you,

Indu