The forest
Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY; JAQUES behind
Touchstone. Come apace, good Audrey; I will fetch up your goats,
Audrey. And how, Audrey, am I the man yet? Doth my simple feature
content you?
Audrey. Your features! Lord warrant us! What features?
Touchstone. I am here with thee and thy goats, as the most 1510
capricious poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths.
Jaques (lord). [Aside] O knowledge ill-inhabited, worse than Jove in a
thatch'd house!
Touchstone. When a man's verses cannot be understood, nor a man's
good wit seconded with the forward child understanding, it 1515
strikes a man more dead than a great reckoning in a little room.
Truly, I would the gods had made thee poetical.
Audrey. I do not know what 'poetical' is. Is it honest in deed and
word? Is it a true thing?
Touchstone. No, truly; for the truest poetry is the most feigning, 1520
and lovers are given to poetry; and what they swear in poetry may
be said as lovers they do feign.
Audrey. Do you wish, then, that the gods had made me poetical?
Touchstone. I do, truly, for thou swear'st to me thou art honest;
now, if thou wert a poet, I might have some hope thou didst 1525
feign.
Audrey. Would you not have me honest?
Touchstone. No, truly, unless thou wert hard-favour'd; for honesty
coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar.
Jaques (lord). [Aside] A material fool! 1530
Audrey. Well, I am not fair; and therefore I pray the gods make me
honest.
Touchstone. Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul slut were
to put good meat into an unclean dish.
Audrey. I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am foul. 1535
Touchstone. Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness;
sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may be, I will
marry thee; and to that end I have been with Sir Oliver Martext,
the vicar of the next village, who hath promis'd to meet me in
this place of the forest, and to couple us. 1540
Jaques (lord). [Aside] I would fain see this meeting.
Audrey. Well, the gods give us joy!
Touchstone. Amen. A man may, if he were of a fearful heart, stagger
in this attempt; for here we have no temple but the wood, no
assembly but horn-beasts. But what though? Courage! As horns are 1545
odious, they are necessary. It is said: 'Many a man knows no end
of his goods.' Right! Many a man has good horns and knows no end
of them. Well, that is the dowry of his wife; 'tis none of his
own getting. Horns? Even so. Poor men alone? No, no; the noblest
deer hath them as huge as the rascal. Is the single man therefore 1550
blessed? No; as a wall'd town is more worthier than a village, so
is the forehead of a married man more honourable than the bare
brow of a bachelor; and by how much defence is better than no
skill, by so much is horn more precious than to want. Here comes
Sir Oliver. 1555
[Enter SIR OLIVER MARTEXT]
Sir Oliver Martext, you are well met. Will you dispatch us here
under this tree, or shall we go with you to your chapel?
Sir Oliver Martext. Is there none here to give the woman?
Touchstone. I will not take her on gift of any man. 1560
Sir Oliver Martext. Truly, she must be given, or the marriage is not lawful.
Jaques (lord). [Discovering himself] Proceed, proceed; I'll give her.
Touchstone. Good even, good Master What-ye-call't; how do you, sir?
You are very well met. Goddild you for your last company. I am
very glad to see you. Even a toy in hand here, sir. Nay; pray be 1565
cover'd.
Jaques (lord). Will you be married, motley?
Touchstone. As the ox hath his bow, sir, the horse his curb, and
the falcon her bells, so man hath his desires; and as pigeons
bill, so wedlock would be nibbling. 1570
Jaques (lord). And will you, being a man of your breeding, be married
under a bush, like a beggar? Get you to church and have a good
priest that can tell you what marriage is; this fellow will but
join you together as they join wainscot; then one of you will
prove a shrunk panel, and like green timber warp, warp. 1575
Touchstone. [Aside] I am not in the mind but I were better to be
married of him than of another; for he is not like to marry me
well; and not being well married, it will be a good excuse for me
hereafter to leave my wife.
Jaques (lord). Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee. 1580
Touchstone. Come, sweet Audrey;
We must be married or we must live in bawdry.
Farewell, good Master Oliver. Not-
O sweet Oliver,
O brave Oliver, 1585
Leave me not behind thee.
But-
Wind away,
Begone, I say,
I will not to wedding with thee. 1590
Exeunt JAQUES, TOUCHSTONE, and AUDREY
Sir Oliver Martext. 'Tis no matter; ne'er a fantastical knave of them all
shall flout me out of my calling. Exit
YOU ARE READING
As You Like It
General FictionAs You Like It is a pastoral comedy by William Shakespeare believed to have been written in 1599 and first published in the First Folio in 1623. The play's first performance is uncertain, though a performance at Wilton House in 1603 has been suggest...
