Nameless (Slow Updates)

1.Enough is enough

"Good!" I try to prevent it, but my voice cracks as I scream out the word, and the door slamming in my face starts two waterfalls on my face that refuse to stop running no matter how tight I squeeze my eyes shut. I shuffle my way down the drive, the bag on my back seeming heavier than just moments ago. I take it off and try to fit it in my boot, but it won't close. The boxes are too big and the entire row of back seats are also covered with stacks of things and all of the foot wells are full of awkward smaller things like books and films and cd's. I finally manage to balance the bag on the front passenger seat, strapping it in with the broken seatbelt and hoping for the best. I untie fluffles from the lamppost, carrying her to the car and sliding into the drivers seat. She gets herself comfortable in an empty box in the front passenger foot well, looking sleepy. I wait three seconds before I shut the door, still hoping. I turn the key in the ignition slowly, my hope slowly deflating. I run my hand through my hair, untangling it and pushing it back out of my face. I then tie it up in a high ponytail and tuck my baby hairs behind my ears. My hope shatters and I step on the exhaust, shooting forward as the front door opens. My radio switches on as I reach the corner, 365 by Katy Perry coming on. I turn the dial up and roll down the windows, laughing as fluffles yaps along to the back-beat. I sing along loudly, not caring about the disapproving stares I get from pedestrians. I don't care what time it is or what I'm interrupting. The song ends and another one starts, no tears left to cry by Ariana Grande. I turn it down a little but still sing, keeping a watchful eye on fluffles.

Four and a half hours later, I have 27 text messages and 49 missed calls. Shiki's senpai is just finishing and I switch the radio off, scanning the road for a B&B to stay in for the night. I spot a reasonably sized hotel, a few of it's lights still on downstairs. It's carpark has a few cars parked on it, mainly in the staff area. I flip on my indicator, checking my mirrors multiple times before turning gracefully into the grounds. The driveway is lined with thick barricades of brambles and trees, but it looks pretty. They're all in bloom, and it's just a long flash of colour. There are pinks and oranges and blues and even some purples all in a flash, then I'm in the carpark. I don't park right at the front even though there are a few spaces, I park slightly towards the left in the middle. I draw all of the blinds in the windows, putting the shield on the windscreen too. You can't see into the vecle at all, and I double check it's locked before leaving it to go into the building. As I guessed, you can see the car from inside through the window but it's slightly blurred and you can't really tell what make it is or even what colour from here. You can see directly into the cars on the front two rows, and I notice that all of them look new and not very used, if at all. They're all parked with a parking space between them and there are twelve cars on each row. It looks very organised for a three star hotel, and I suspect it's not coincidence. Even though it's twenty past three in the morning on a Wednesday, there are two members of staff behind the counter and more people in uniform milling around like they're bored.

"can we help you ma'am?" One of the younger workers asks me. They smile as they talk, and their teeth are pearly white. Their breath smells of acid, and I cringe away slightly. "Hello! Do you allow dogs?" I try to smile back without showing my teeth, mine are more yellow than white and not the straightest. "Yes we do. Did you leave it in the car? That's very irresponsible!" She laughs, but it doesn't sound like she found anything funny about the conversation. "One second I'll go get her" I come back with fluffles asleep in my arms, and the same girl addresses me again. "Can we help you ma'am?" The other workers don't seem to be paying any attention to me and are talking quietly amongst themselves. "Do you have any rooms available?" I stroke fluffles gently with my thumb as I talk, smiling still and tilting my head curiously. "Room three. Pay when you're done with it!" She passes me a key out of her pocket and I take it, following her finger pointing down the hallway. The doors are marked quite clearly by large white numbers painted in the middle near the top and I walk straight to number three. The door isn't locked when I get there and I open it and slip in, placing fluffles on the bed and switching on the lights before closing the door. I lock it from the inside, pulling down both of the latches. That's just how it is around here, I guess. Rough neighbourhood. Fluffles is already back asleep on the foot of the bed, her tummy on show to everyone and her ears flopping up so you can see down them. I glance around the room, taking it in.

The walls are painted a colour called sea foam, it's a really pale blue so pale it looks white but isn't quite. It's the colour we were going to have for the baby's room. The curtains are cream, the blinds beige and the bedsheets a honey brown. The bathroom is silver tiled walls with a darker grey tiled floor and a speckled grey bath and shower. The sink and toilet are black with silver specks. I notice nothing in the rooms are white, the ceilings in both rooms are pale pink. I check my phone and all of the messages are from him, all of the calls but one are from the house phone. The one call that's not from him is from my sister, and she's left a message. Shaking slightly, I press speakerphone in my answer machine and place my phone screen up on the bed. "Welcome to your EE voicemail. You have one new message. To hear your first new message, press one. To exit your Voicemail, press two. To get assistance from a member of staff, press three." I lean change my top as she talks, leaning over and pressing one as soon as she's finished speaking. "First new message received today at 1:47 AM from the contact saved as 'sarah sis' +44 3069 990154: "Help me!"" My sister sounds panicked, and I stop trying to shimmy out of my jeans and listen. "Please answer the phone I need you! He won't let me go, you were right and he won't let me go-" the message ends abruptly and my blood runs cold. I wait a minute. Two. Five. Goosebumps rise on my legs and I slowly slide a pair of leggings on, still taking in my sisters scared words. I slip on an oversized hoodie and change my hoop earrings for a pair of plain silver studs, taking my hair down from a high ponytail and braid it how my sister taught me too when we were little, only putting half of it up and straightening the rest. I then pick fluffles back up, unlocking the room and hurrying down the corridor to the entrance. I can't see any members of staff anywhere, so I leave 500 pounds on the front desk and a quick sprawled note on the book in sheet­- had to leave, family emergency x

I put fluffles in her box but she's not tired anymore so she climbs straight back out again, sniffing around in the foot well and yapping at a small book made with handmade paper. It was a gift from mother so I kept it, but It's empty. She said something about writing my own thing in there someday. I can't remember, it's been over two decades since the conversation. It brings a small smile to my face as I realise part of the reason I can't remember is because I'm not really trying to, I don't even really want to. The key slides into the ignition easily and I drive away, down the drive and back onto the highway. I'm tired but not enough to make driving dangerous. I've been a week without sleep before I'm sure I can handle a few nights as I head north. I'm coming Sarah.