The Angel, The Hunter and The Nephilim (Destiel x Daughter)

22. Putting Life Back Together

Dean returned half an hour after Cas stormed out, sad and in despair that he had just lost Leah's dad and the love of his life. He had begged Cas on his knees to stay again and again, but he still walked away like the last ten years hadn't even mattered in the least to him.
Dean called Sam back to the hospital and they together helped convincing Leah that the best choice for her was to stay in the hospital in the psychiatric ward for a little while. They set the date for three days later on a doctor's insistence that she spent at least a day. Dean spent almost every moment of his waking time by her side, they put down a cot in her room so her father could be there to make her feel safe and secure. At night he lay awake, thinking how he's going to do it from now, without Cas by his side.
How is he going to take care of his daughter alone? How is he going to raise her without Cas' calm, warm presence?

Dean takes Leah out of the hospital and back home three days later, just like he promised her that he'd do. She's weak and sad and hardly speaks, and just barely looks around when she enters the new house they bought while she was off trying to hurt herself. Apathetically she follows the overly enthusiastic Dean up the stairs and she picks out her new bedroom, trying to force herself to smile to him.
The psych ward was terrible for her, Dean thinks, and he regrets every choice he's made all through this entire terrible year as he sighs and he pulls her into his arms and holds her tightly.
"Leah," he whispers into her hair, and she pulls her arms up to hug him back, but her embrace is so weak. Dean's eyes fill with tears.
Why did all of this happen to my daughter, he thinks. Please come back, Cas...

Just before noon three days later, while Dean and Leah are sitting by the breakfast table and he's trying to get his malnourished daughter to eat, the phone rings. Dean's heart stops in his chest for a split second and he starts praying quietly with all he's got that it's Cas that is calling. But it's a number he doesn't recognize when he looks at his phone. He gets up and squeezes Leah's shoulder before he walks out into the hallway to pick up so he can keep an eye on his daughter while he's talking.
"Hello? Cas?"
"Dean? Is this Dean Winchester?"
"Yeah, who is this?" Dean's heart sinks in his chest. Not Cas.
The voice on the other line presents itself as a woman he knew years back; Lisa Braeden. He thinks back several years; they spent an amazing weekend together once when they were barely in their twenties, holed up in her parents' cabin in the woods. A smile plays on his lips at the sweet memory for a brief moment, before he asks her why she's calling out of the blue after all these years.
"I need your help with something," Lisa explains. "I need you to come to Detroit."
"Michigan? I live in South Dakota now, Lisa," Dean says and takes a few steps backwards, throwing a glance into the kitchen. Leah is staring into the air, aimlessly stirring the tea he tried to get her to drink. It must have turned cold by now.
He lowers his voice as he turns his back away from the doorway again, throwing a glance into the mostly unfurnished living room filled with boxes, reminding him how they haven't really moved in yet.
"I quit the hunting life years ago," he whispers.
"This is not that. I just need your help to find a family member who got lost. Please, Dean, you're the only one who can help!"
Dean doesn't wanna tell her why he doesn't feel like traveling 800 miles across states, leaving his daughter behind at home. He wants to go, but he can't leave her here. She needs him now that he's alone to take care of her.
"Alright," he says after giving it a thought, thinking that he's gonna work it out some way. "Alright, Lisa, I'll come to Detroit."
"Thank you, Dean, thank you so much, I didn't know of anyone else to ask," the relieved woman replies.
"No worries, Lisa. Give me a day, I'll be there."
He hangs up on her after she's given him the address and he's jotted it down on his phone. Now he'll have to think strategically. He can't leave Leah here in Sioux Falls, and it will be hard for both of them if he takes her with him. The girl needs constant supervision to make sure that she eats, sleeps and doesn't hurt herself.
"Dad," Leah calls weakly, the first word she's uttered since he got her home from the hospital days ago. He rushes into the kitchen as fast as he can without startling her, and he sits down in his chair again.
"Yeah, kiddo, what is it?"
"Who w- was that?" she asks, stuttering, like she's having a hard time uttering the words.
He hasn't heard her voice in days; her eyesight came back within 12 hours after she got back to a normal body temperature, but she has barely spoken until now. He figured all the late traumas she's had to gone through lately are the culprits. The severe hypothermia, sure, but having Cas walking out on them? It's no wonder she hasn't said a word in days.
"That was an old friend of mine, her name is Lisa."
Leah nods. Dean is surprised; this is the first thing she's had even the slightest interest in for days. She has been either completely apathetic or absolutely broken these past two weeks since they came to Sioux Falls, and her being curious enough to ask about a random phone call, maybe hoping it's Cas, makes Dean feel a little better.
"Leah, it's alright if you don't feel strong enough for this yet, but would you maybe like to come with me to Detroit for a couple of days?"
"Michigan?" Leah breathes and keeps stirring her tea mindlessly. She looks at him and back to her cup a couple of times as he patiently waits.
"Yeah," she whispers, much to his surprise.
"You want to come?" he asks, like he wasn't sure she meant it.
"Yeah," she repeats quietly. Dean smiles softly. The corners of Leah's lips tuck themselves in a bit and he feels his heart lighten up instantly by the sight of her smile, however small it is.
"When?" she asks.
"We're going tomorrow morning. What do you say? We'll have some fast food and listen to awesome music. Just the two of us, and maybe uncle Sam."
"What... are we..." she struggles, and Dean relieves her.
"You're wondering what we're gonna do in Detroit?"
Leah smiles to him ever so slightly, and nods.
"I have to help a friend. She has a problem and would like me to be there."
His daughter nods and looks down into her tea, which she has been stirring this whole time.
"I think... it's cold," she says shortly and Dean smiles a bit.
"Would you like me to make you a new cup?"
His daughter shakes her head and finally drops the spoon. She pushes the teacup away, almost spilling it over.
"Leah," Dean says and sighs, reaching for the teacup. "Please eat something."
She looks down and shakes her head.
"I can't," she whispers again. "Not hungry."
Dean's daughter now is demoted to the small character who came to him ten years ago; she was shy, barely talking, she didn't wanna. She was so nervous, but she was on a quest to find her parent. The clock has turned back ten years, except Cas isn't around anymore, and Leah needs constant help.
He tears up ever so slightly.
"Chocolate? We have chocolate. You love chocolate, remember?"
She shakes her head. Dean does too.
"What do you wanna do, then?"
She suddenly shifts uncomfortably on her chair and then her entire posture changes, he could tell that she's sad even through the kitchen window.
"I want... dad," she says. Dean reaches for her hand over the table.
"Cas isn't coming back, Leah," he says softly.
She starts breathing rapidly, and looks up at him with glassy eyes. It's like she doesn't remember, like he has to remind her every time she asks for Cas, that he's not there anymore.
"Cas walked away when we were at the hospital, remember?"
"No," she mumbles and wants to get up, but it's like she's frozen in her chair. "Dad," she whispers.
"Leah, I'm here, I'm still here," Dean says. "Cas left but I won't, okay? I promise I won't leave."
She takes the hand he hasn't caught under his and she puts it over his hand.
"He'll come back," she whispers.
"Let's wish for that," Dean whispers back to her, and they sit there a couple of minutes in silence. There's been much of that lately.

After the sad breakfast when Dean has cleared the table, he suggests they go to Sam and Madison's for a little visit later if Leah feels up for it. He spends the beginning of the day unpacking much of the furniture and the things they got sent from Lawrence while Leah sits in the kitchen, trying to read a book. He sings every time he swings by the kitchen, trying to engage her into conversation, but she's just mumbling incoherently to herself while trying to read the blue John Green book over again.
The mood in both of them is going up and down constantly as the day progresses, and he starts packing for the next day and calls the doctor to ask if it could be okay to take her on a three-day vacation out of state.
"Sure," the doctor says, "But you need to take some precautions. Make sure she takes her medications regularly. Like we said before we sent you home, they need to be taken with food. Don't let her wander off again."
"Oh, trust me, I won't," Dean says reassuringly. "She's been very apathetic, but today she properly spoke for the first time. And she found interest in a phone call I got this morning."
"That's great," the doctor says. "That's progress! I can schedule her for an appointment in a couple of days. Does a week from now work?"
"That sounds fine, yeah," Dean replies. "So it's a checkup, or...?" he looks warily around for his daughter.
"Yeah, mostly. It's just to see if she's progressed any since she came out of the hospital.
"Sounds great," Dean says. "I'll bring her in next week. What time?"
"I'm penciling you up for two o'clock," the doctor replies. Dean smiles and hangs up. At least he has an arrangement, a plan, help for his daughter. Though he's reluctant to send her there after seeing the condition she was in the last time, he knows this might be what makes the difference, maybe seeing her progress through someone else's eyes. It's too hard to see it when he's on his own and doesn't know how to work out things with his daughter alone.
He looks around again as he stuffs his phone back into his back pocket.
"Leah," he calls out. He wanders around the house while his heart is beating faster and faster. Not in the kitchen. Not in the living room. He panics.
"Leah," he shouts again and runs up the stairs, looks through every door until he reaches the room in the end of the hall; Leah's bedroom. She's sitting in the broad window sill on the other end of the room filled with boxes and a messy bed. He hasn't had the time to help her unpack yet, and she hasn't had the energy or the interest.
"Leah," he says and breathes out in relief. putting his hand over his heart. "Oh God, why didn't you answer me?" he asks.
She turns to him for a second and turns back to the window. He frowns.
"Leah, you okay?" He slowly walks over to the window and places a hand on her shoulder.
"I couldn't," she wheezes, and he furrows his brows more.
"You couldn't what?"
"Answer."
"Of course. Sorry, sweetheart, I'm just super stressed, and I want to have you in my sight at all times. You realize that, right?" he asks. She nods.
"Sorry," she replies quietly.
"No, it's okay. Just stay here when you're not downstairs, okay?"
"Okay."
Dean is about to turn around and start unpacking one of her boxes before he hears the most beautiful sound in the world to him; a sound he hasn't heard in what feels like years after all they've been through lately. Leah's chuckling.
"What is it?" Dean asks and can barely contain his excitement that his daughter is laughing again.
"That's from... the book," she says longingly and turns a bit serious. "It's sad... b-but symbolical."
"What book are you talking about?" he says, tilting his head.
"The one... you got m-me," she explains. "John Green."
"Wow, okay," he says and smiles, and he strokes her hair for a second.
"Did you finish it yet?"
"I read... it on the plane."
"Do you think you could try and read it to me while I help you unpack?"
"I can b-b-barely speak," she stutters, and Dean shakes his head.
"I'll listen to you either way. You need to get back into it, okay? Please read me at least the first chapter?"
"O-okay," she says and turns around and points to the blue book on the bed. Dean goes to pick it up and hands it to her, sending her an encouraging smile.
"You can do this, honey," he says. "You can beat this, like you've beat every challenge so far."
And then she finally smiles. For the first time in two weeks, she smiles with her teeth. A wide, white smile. Dean sighs happily and strokes her cheek.
"I'm so happy to see you smile again, kiddo, it feels like it's been years since last time. So, where do you want the desk?"
"By the... door," she says and he sees that she's frustrated with herself, how she can't speak properly, but he doesn't say anything. The doctor told him that she will be able to talk normally soon, when the trauma finally wears off...
If it ever does.