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"Jen, wake up. Jennie!" I open my eyes slowly to see Jisoo's worried face in front of me. I see Lisa and Chae as well. I look around confused why I'm laying on the carpet until I remember what happened.
"So it wasn't a dream?" I whisper and tears start to gather in my eyes.
"Unnie, please don't cry again. Talk to us." Chae's eyes also teared up. She is the most sensitive between the four of us.
"Do you want to lay on the bed, Unnie?" I shake my head at Lisa's question. The bed will only makes me cry more because of Tae's smell. "Then sofa?" I nod this time. Jisoo and Lisa help me up since I'm feeling so weak. I sit between both of them and Chae sits on the carpet in front of me.
"How did you guys enter?" My voice is hoarse from crying. Chae stand up and walk to the kitchen. A few second later she's back with a bottle of water. I accept it then drink it down slowly, it eases my dry throat.
"We know your password, remember?" I close the bottle lid and stay silent. " Do you want to talk about it?" Jisoo asks softly.
"I don't know how to start it... I just want to talk to him, about everything that happened for a while. You guys must notice he feels different, right? Especially in treating me." Lisa and Chae looked at each other and slowly nod.
"We actually notice it, Unnie. We want to talk to you but we're afraid that makes you sad."
"I might look like I didn't notice it, but of course I'm the one who notice it first. How can I not notice it? I'm in love with him. I notice every single thing that changed in him. I keep pretending to not see it and push that thought out of my head because I don't want to face it if one day he'll leave me. And this come true." I whisper. "Before I went to restroom at the exhibition I saw him with Irene and how he acted around her like. I can clearly see that he likes her. I felt hurt, so I decided to go to the restroom to calm myself. When I went back to you guys, I met Tae and when I can finally ask the question that I tried so hard to bury it in my mind."
"What is it, Unnie?"
"I asked him, 'where did it go wrong, Tae?' but he avoided it. So I decide to stay silent until we went home. When we arrived I just cannot keep it anymore and decided to talk to him. But it only lead to something that I didn't even want to happen forever between me and Tae. I just..." Tears start to fall again. "I asked him if I did anything wrong so I can fix it. So I can fix our relationship. But he told me what if that nothing can be fixed unless I let him go." I start sobbing when I remembered what happened earlier. "Then... he told me that a thought passed his mind that he didn't actually love me. That his 'love' is actually because he felt bad for me. And he felt nauseous because I never got that angry if he did something wrong and I only forgive him and told him I love him. And... and... he dare to ask if what I feel is only a comfortable feeling since I knew him for a long time. Then he left and told me we need time apart to figure out our feeling. He really thought I cannot differentiate between love and comfortable? He really thought I need to figure out my feeling for him when I can clearly feel that I love him??" Disappointments lace my sentences and I let myself finally got angry.
"Jen..." Jisoo immediately pulls me to a hug when she saw my tears start to fall down again. Lisa and Chae also hug me. "Just cry... cry it out now. You can let it out now. You must've endure it for a long time." Jisoo's words struck me deep. I close my eyes and I start wailing. I let every hurts and every disappointments that had been in my heart free.
****
I sit by the window and look at the cars that was speeding on the highway. Slowly my mind go back to two days ago. My eyes pricks to warn me that tears will go down soon. But before it happens the door opens. I turn my head in case if it's Tae but my heart drops when I see Jisoo enters the apartment with Jin following her. His hands hold grocery bags.
"Hey, Unnie." I stand up slowly to greet them. "Jin-Oppa." I smiles to him.
"Hey, Jen." He pats my head after put the groceries on the kitchen bar.
"You haven't eaten anything yet, right? Look at this empty refrigerator. Although I'm not as good as you in cooking, I'll cook something for dinner." Jisoo busily moves the groceries to the refrigerator and shelves.
"You don't need to, Unnie. I'm not hungry." I tell her, but my stomach suddenly grumbles. Jin and Jisoo look at each other then at me. I grin sheepishly. "I guess..." they laugh together, I smile but feels a bit jealous at their chemistry.
"I'll cook something. Just watch TV with Oppa, I'll call you both when it finished."
"Come on, Jen." Jin pulls me to sit on the couch in the living room. He turns the tv on and browse before deciding to watch a movie channel that play Black Panther. "How are you?" he asks me after we stay silent for 5 minutes.
"Still feel the hurt. I still can't believe that happened." I look down to my fingers that was intertwining on my lap. "Are you in touch with him?"
"Yes. We still messaging in group chats."
"How... is he?" I ask slowly.
"He's fine." Jin's answer makes me hurt a bit since it means Tae's fine without me. "Jen, I'm sorry. I don't know how this happened. Even we, as his close friends never thought this will happen. We all see how you two together and both of you look so much in love. I just never thought Tae feels that way now."
"It's fine, Oppa. I don't even see this coming."
"I know you still hurting but I want to tell you this, since beside being his friend I also your friend, he's not supposed to say those things to you. And seeing how he acts normally after hurting you makes me a bit angry at him. It's hard to forget what he said but I hope you can pick yourself up and try to be happy again. Maybe he's just stressed over something and will come back to you soon." I keep fiddling my fingers, but I feel a small hope from Jin's words. I can feel my mood lifts up.
"Yeah, I hope so. Thank you for telling me this, Oppa." I smile at him. We watch movies until Jisoo calls us to eat. I really appreciate Jisoo and Jin who continuously talk and bickering which makes me smile. When they went home, I can feel myself feeling better. Finally after two days, I sleep on the bed which hold Tae's scent.
****
"Jen, we're closing soon. Sunmi's stylist just left." Minjung, co-owner of Distrax who's also my friend in university, pops her head to my office. I look at the time, 8 PM.
"Alright, you can leave first. I still need to finish the email for Versace shipment next week."
"Okay, good night!" Minjung closes the door. I continue typing the email for another 3 minutes before checking it and send it. I stretch my body and the bones cracking loudly. I unlock my phone to see any update on Tae's instagram. I see his insta story being updated an hour ago, I click it and see blue lights blinking before it shows the boys on the couch. Seems like they're partying. Hoseok and Jin are yelling loudly, Namjoon shakes his head, Jimin and Jungkook are laughing. I smile seeing this, I close the app to focus on one last email that I need to reply. After another 30 minutes I turn off my computer before leaving the office. I check the alarm to make sure it works and lock the door. Since I know I'll be working late I brought my own car. Khalid's voice fill the car as soon as I choose my playlist. Luckily road is not that crowded because workers already went home on 8 PM.
While waiting for the traffic light turns to green I open my insta, Jimin upload insta story via his private account (we all have one since we cannot upload that freely in our public account). I tap it and see they still partying. They all hyping up Jungkook to drink 5 shot of Tequila in row, when he did they cheer loudly. I chuckle but suddenly I saw something that makes my heart stop. Jimin aims his phone around to shoot the people that was there as well. I replay his story again to make sure I see it correctly. I see Tae laughs, with his arm rests on Irene's shoulder.
"What..." Before I can sink that in, the car in front of me move. I drive before stopping on the road shoulder. I open my insta again to see the story again. I repeat it for several times and turn my phone off. My heart feel empty, I can't even feel any emotion right now.
