Flicker (H.S)

05.

05.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself, Mr. Malik?”

“No. I’d kill em’ all again if I could.”

[silence].

“So you admit to murdering those innocent people.”

“They weren’t fucking innocent, officer. They took her from me. Hell is empty. The demons are among us.”

-Police recording, the interrogation of Zayn Malik. [August 11, 2016].

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Crushes never go away.

They fade, sure. But they never completely go away.

So that’s why, when Everly sees green eyes, he thinks of the little boy with straight brown hair and long eyelashes that spoke slowly and precisely, while the other kids in his year stumbled over their vowels to get their ideas from their heads. He sat in the corner most days, chatting to a little girl with blonde pigtails and eyes that looked golden while eating gummy bears. She always picked out the yellow ones for the boy, while she ate the rest of the colours. Everly  figured he just didn’t like any of the other colours.

But then, as the days wore on, he stopped eating gummy bears altogether. He just sat and talked, slow and precisely, to the little girl with blonde pigtails and golden eyes. Everly never heard her say much. She just smiled sometimes and once Everly even saw her kiss him on the cheek.

Then year one passed, and so did year two, and three. Primary school flew by, and before she knew it, Everly was in secondary school. And the boy with straight hair and well-thought-out words disappeared. And so did the girl with blonde pigtails and liking of all coloured gummy bears.

“Tonight on Channel Eight News, we regret to report a local suicide. Sixteen-year-old Jessica Richardson was found in her home last night, hanging from a rope in her bedroom. Some say Jessica was depressed long before her heart stopped beating, but parents Cindy and Mark say that she seemed happy and in good spirits the day before. She had a boyfriend, Harry Styles and a good handful of friends that kept her grounded. Styles cannot be reached for comment.”

And Everly realized why she had disappeared.

And that day, one year later, in the lunch room, she saw a boy with curly hair and a faint outline of a hand on his cheek picking out yellow gummy bears from the cup of candy he stole from a boy with an Irish accent. And it all just, clicked.

And then Everly felt like crying because she slapped a boy whose girlfriend killed herself and it all just clinked right then and there in the middle of the lunch room as he was picking out yellow gummy bears from the cup he stole.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” She announces, trying to even out her shaky voice. And there was a growing knot in her throat because it just, like, clicked and now she’s crying because his girlfriend is never coming back and she slapped him. And her friends were all staring at her with confused expressions and food in their mouths. They can still eat. Harry’s never-coming-back girlfriend can’t. And she slapped him.

Her name was Jessica. She hung herself. She was blonde and chatted to Harry back when he had straight hair in the corner of the classroom. She liked all different colours of gummy bears. He probably loved her, and he probably hates Everly. He probably lies in his bed at night, fighting against sleep, fighting to see her behind his eyelids. That’s what Everly does, anyway. But they never come back, never. No matter how many times you see them, their image isn’t tattooed to the inside of your eyelids. And then you forget.