three.
( trigger warning )
-♡-
it is moments like these when i feel most disorientated.
it's almost like i am drunk.
almost as if i have poured the whole bottle down my throat ; the bitter sting kicking in , poisoning my liver as i search desperately for an escape route.
i am not here.
my body is here, yet my mind is elsewhere.
i can see but not reach, hear but not speak,. touch but not feel and that is the hardest to explain to my mother when i'm one shaky word away from breakdown.
because it's always going to be hard ; explaining to the woman who gave you life that you wish for it to be sucked from beneath you in an instant.
because it is hard to explain to your friends why you can't go out with them.
why you can't laugh and have fun without feeling sick to your stomach with a horrid sense of guilt that you're finally fucking enjoying yourself.
it is moments like these when i am certain that i am going mad but of course i am not.
