Regrets

You can tell me. (Chapter 16)

[A/N] This chapter may be triggering; like most of the book. Please read with caution- stay safe and talk to someone.

Hadrians POV

As the grip on my wrist tightened, I couldn't help but wince at it. The corridors were empty and gloomy; not as it was before. The candle fires that usually illuminated the school were empty, leaving the school in an almost lifeless state. The only thing I could see was the person in front of me, their eyes locked forward with their jaw clenched. I already guess what this was. It was probably an confrontation. Which, it was.

All to soon, we had come to an abrupt stop. Draco grabbed the doors handle, practically yanking it open, to reveal a small abandoned classroom. It looked like an old charms room, as it included all too many seats. I nervously bounced from foot to foot, anticipating the merciless questions that was going to be aimed my way. Draco turned to face me and grabbed my shoulders, before embracing me in a hug. I had to say; I was confused. He didn't even know what was wrong and yet, here he was. After a moment, he pulled away, making me feel slightly cold in the dimly lit classroom. All he said was a simple, "Why? What happened?" Before I lost it, breaking down in a flood of tears as the helplessness I've felt before become overwhelming. I had fallen to my knees when I felt the familiar warmth engulf me once again.

By this point, many moments had passed. I have no idea how long we stayed there, however I new that this peaceful bliss was not going to last. This was confirmed when Draco, who was still sitting on the floor, reached and grabbed my wrist. I jerked my hand away, causing him to frown. I felt guilty for being the cause of that, but it had to be done. He simply couldn't know.

"Hadrian." He said in a stern, yet calm voice. I knew he wasn't stupid, and I was being blatantly obviously that something was wrong, however I will deny whatever he said until I couldn't.

"Look at me," he said. I only looked away, finding a sudden interest in the interior of the classroom. He sighed in annoyance and grabbed my chin, gently moving it so I have no choice but to look at him. As I looked at him, the tears started flowing again. He looked at me with sympathetic eyes and hugged me tighter as I cried into his shoulder.

Finally, it seemed, that Draco couldn't hold back to questions he had any more. He put his hands on my shoulder and pushed us apart, only a little bit though.

"Hadrian," he spoke softly, "can I see?" He spoke, gesturing towards my wrists. I only widened my eyes in shock, then shook my head furiously, protesting quietly. I felt him hesitantly  cup my face, causing my to look at him. "I won't judge you, please just trust me." I took his hands in my own, carefully removing the from my face and reaching towards the end of my robes. I took a deep, shaky breath before lifting it up slowly.

He gasped quietly, before tears pricked his own eyes. The cuts across my arm were horrid, I knew that, and yet I still showed him. 'He hates me now. Once again, my life is turning back to how it was, a fucking mess.' I thought lowering my head in shame. Draco slowly traces the scars, old an new, and tears fall from his eyes and roll down his cheeks.
"Why?" He asks quietly.

"I don't deserve this." I say quietly. He looks up in surprise but says nothing, urging me to continue. "All of the things you have, you deserve. What have I done? Sat around, moping in my own pity. This is the only way I thought of punishing myself. It was a stress relief, a thing I can control. I don't deserve you, I don't deserve this.  I can't handle all of this, Draco! I'm not strong, I can't handle things well, when Ron and Ginny left, I-I couldn't handle it and reverted back to old ways! What was I meant to do?" By now I was in hysterics, crying a flow of tears that never seemed to stop. I stood up suddenly, turning towards the door. The walls looked as though they were closing in, and my breathing quickened.

"Hadrian, please." A small voice said. I turned around slowly, looking up at him, expecting to see disgust and hatred. What took me by surprise, however, was the arms that pulled me closer, and the voice of someone saying, "I'm so sorry." I hugged them tightly, causing their grip on me to tighten. My face was buried in their chest, and their face was buried in my hair. The familiar scent of burning logs and fresh apples (pfft) instantly calmed me, as the tears slowly began to disappear. I pulled away slightly, looking up at him as he looked down.

"It's okay, I promise. I'm here, you're going to be fine." He spoke soothingly. I felt my conscious soon begin to drift away as the days events caught up with me. And that was when I fell, landing in Draco's arms, as everything turned to black.