Part 1

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I could barely stand to look at her. She has her mother's eyes. Her mother, my wife. My poor wife. I let the tears continue to spill from my eyes and land in my hands caressing my face. I ran my fingers through my hand a few times and wiped my face dry. Slowly, I stood up and made my way over to the crib. She was fast asleep, little Lucia Rose. She had bright red hair, like her mothers. Barely a week old, sleeping with no care in the world. I cringed and turned away, knowing as soon as she opened her eyes they would have the same bright shade of blue as her mothers. Her mother. My wife. Jordan. I cursed at myself inwardly. This wasn't Lucia or Jordan's fault. It wasn't mine or the doctor's either. It was out of all our hands. No one could have predicted complications in the delivery room. No one knew Jordan wouldn't make it. It was just bad luck, I guess. 

I heard the door click shut and I looked up to see Caroline standing in front of me with baby bag in hand. "How you holding up, Liam?" she asked lightly, probably scared of breaking me even more.

I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face in frustration. "I don't know what to do, Care. I'm lost without Jo."

She smiled down at me and took a seat leaning against the wall opposite me. "None of us know what to do. I can only imagine what you're going through, with the band breaking up, losing Jordan, and now a new baby," she trailed off and turned her attention towards Lucia sleeping. "But we'll get through it. I'm here to help. You know that, right Liam?" 

I looked up at her and put on a fake smile. "Thanks Care. I don't think I can do this alone."

"No problem," she said with a smile, just as Lucia woke up and started fussing. "That's what your sister-in-law is for right?"

I watched her make her way over to Lucia and pick her up and started rocking her. She motioned for me to come over. I got up and hesitantly took my daughter from Care's hands. "She won't bite," she teased. 

I looked down at Lucia. She was tiny and the spitting image of her mother. I missed Jordan so much, but nothing I could do now would bring her back. What's done is done. Looking down at Lucia I know this won't be easy. I was hesitant about being a father to start with. Knowing having Jo by my side was the deciding factor. She made me feel like I could do anything. Now that she's gone, I feel lost again. Lucia is a miracle though. She was dead for two minutes before the doctors revived her. She is the only remaining thing I have left of Jo. She is a symbol of our love. We created this beautiful baby girl, Jo and I. She may be gone, but she will always live inside of Lucia. 

I pulled Lucia close to my chest and hummed lightly to calm her down. Sometime during my thinking Caroline slipped out of the nursery. I was so thankful I had a friend like her to help me get through this. I wasn't the only one dealing with a lost loved one. Jordan was the only family Caroline had left. They were closer than any other pair of sisters I have ever met. It made them even more special. I looked down at Lucia again, she was slowly nodding off into her little dream land. Once she was fully asleep, I didn't dare let her go. She's my little piece of Jordan. I wasn't going to let anything bad happen to her. She is my first daughter and only child I will ever have. I will never let anything bad happen to my little girl. 

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