junky || Ciaran McDonald

30

I was two days late and I completely missed my period last month. I was lying awake at 1 am, with Ciarán passed out next to me. I had an overwhelming feeling, especaially because I was never late. I starred up at the ceiling and listened quietly to his snores. The past few days I had been feeling nauseous and dizzy throughout the day. Dizzy to the point I fell off the prop I was using during a shoot. I slowly got out of bed trying not to wake him up. I stopped when he started to toss and turn. When he settled I removed myself and walked out of the room. 

I was walking to Matt's room to wake him up when I noticed the light under Romil's room on. I quietly knocked. I wasn't sure if he heard me and I raised my hand up again when the door swung open. He scrunched up his eyebrows and looked me up and down. "Cleo why are you up so late?"

"I can ask you the same thing."

"I'm working on some tracks for Ian's new album. Now what about you?" He crossed his arms and looked slightly annoyed that I had interrupted him. I felt my mouth going dry and I couldn't find myself to say it. I looked down at my feet and mustered up the courage to say what was on my mind.

"I think I'm pregnant." I sighed. "And I don't want to go and get a pregnancy test alone." I looked up at him and he had a look of sympathy on his face. He looked at my stomach and then back at my face. "Please come with me, I don't know who else to tell. You don't have to drive or come in or do anything. Just please." He quickly grabbed a pair of shoes and walked out of his room.

"What about Ciarán? Why not go with him?"

"I'm nervous, what if he's mad? If he doesn't want it, this could ruin our relationship."

"I guess. I doubt he would be mad though." I shrugged as we left the house. It was silent as we got into the car. I pulled out of the driveway, I turned down the radio for background noise and just headed out to the 24 hour cvs. Romil tried making small talk, but I quickly rejected it with nerves. My hands gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles were white. 

"Cleo, you are going to be okay." I just nodded as I pulled into the parking lot. As I said earlier I let him stay in the car as I walked into the harshly lit store. I went over to the aisle with the pregnancy tests and I had no clue where to start. I looked at the more expensive ones, because I guess more expensive means more accurate. I grabbed three of them and walked up to the register. The guy was definitely high, but I could care less. As quickly as I walked in I walked out and back to my jeep. 

I tossed the bag in-between Romil and the long piece of paper followed it. Romil picked up the receipt and gasped at the price for three pregnancy tests. "$60?" I simply nodded as I continued to leave the empty parking lot. As the car ride there was this one was quiet and as I pulled up to the house I finally started to talk.

"Please don't tell anyone about this, I'm serious." I said I was stressed and I had no clue what to do. He nodded as we entered the house together at 2 am. We both started to walk upstairs and I quickly downed a glass of water and walked to the bathroom. 

"Goodnight, and thank you." I said and he nodded as I went into the bathroom. I paced until I had to pee and then peed on all three sticks. I decided to hide them until the morning, I put them into the drawer with all my medicine and exited the bathroom. I opened the door to the bedroom and saw Ciarán sitting on the side of the bed with my phone and his phone in his hand.

"Where the hell did you go and why didn't you bring your phone?" He questioned sounding slightly angry. I walked towards him and crawled into the bed trying to come up with an answer. "Answer me Cleo!" He had put down the phones before turning towards me.

"I couldn't sleep." 

"So you decided to leave and not give a damn thought to tell me where you were going?"

"I'm sorry." I pulled him to lay down with me which he obliged to with no force. He got under the blankets and pulled me closer to him. "I didn't want to bother you." He gave me a kiss in the head before pulling me even closer to him.

"You could never bother me."

***

At 8 o'clock the next morning I walked straight into the bathroom. I pulled out the drawer with the tests and my pills. I couldn't bring myself to look at them as I put all thee out on the counter. Please be negative. Please, please, please. I felt a stinging in my eyes as I looked at the results. All three were positive. I felt a few tears escape as I threw them back into the drawer. I wiped my eyes as I exited the bathroom to find Romil. He took one look at me and gave me a hug.

"You're going to be okay, Cleo." I let a few more tears escape as Romil comforted me. I heard another door open and I pulled away. Merlyn had walked out of his room and just looked at me. He could tell something was wrong. He wasn't sure if he should do anything but asked anyway.

"Everything good, Eo?" I simply nodded as I went downstairs leaving the two boys in the hallway upstairs. I walked over to the tv and turned on Law and Order. Nothing Olivia Benson couldn't solve. As the theme song started I felt a dip in the couch next to me. My eyes focused on the show, but I slowly felt the gaze of my company burning into my soul. I turned to see Merlyn sitting to my left.

"What's wrong? Please tell me."

"Nothings wrong!" I said trying to convince him with a smile. He clearly doesn't believe what I said and pressed on. I ignored him, until he got up and left. Minuted later he came back with a Coffee in hands I eagerly took it in my hand, I was putting to my mouth when I felt someone take it from my hands.

"I love coffee!" I look up and to my anger, I saw Romil chug the black coffee without taking a break until he was done. With coffee running down his chin, he put the glass down and saw my anger and Merlyn's confusion. 

"What the fuck!" I yelled at him.

"That was the last coffee we had in the house. I'll go get you orange juice or something." Merlyn said eager to get out of the room before I exploded. As he left I was scolding Romil who was more interested in watching Merlyn walk out of the room.

"Are you even list-"

"You can't drink coffee."

"Why the fuck not." He quickly looked down at my stomach and back up at me as Merlyn came into the room. Merlyn quickly handed me my drink and Romil quickly left the house. I rolled my eyes and took a sip out of the glass. 

"Is it the trial?" I had honestly forgotten about the trial. I nodded trying to use this as my scapegoat. "I'll be here all the way through to see that good awful person go to prison and rot." I let out a quick chuckle before returning my glance to the TV. He got the hint and went quiet as I focused to the plot of the show.

***

It was now ten and everyone was up and I was making pancakes for everyone while I was playing my playlist. Everyone was scattered around the kitchen as I was singing my heart out and Ciarán was hugging me from behind as I finished the last of the pancakes. I picked up a pancake and walked over to Matt who had busied himself on his phone and threw it at him. He looked up before chucking it back at me before he state dot chase me. Suddenly the door slammed open and in walked Romil with a bag and tossed it to me. 

I looked into the bag to see prenatal pills. Ciarán tried to see what was in the bag but I quickly shut it. "What's in the bag?" He questioned. Romil answered for me.

"I refilled her prescriptions." Ciarán looked confused but took it as I handed out the pancakes to everyone. I quickly ran up to the bathroom to drop the pills into my drawer before returning downstairs. My dad wouldn't be back for a few days, and I had not yet found an explanation to tell him or anyone for that matter. I knew the boys would be busy getting ready for Flog gnaw so I was going to hide out at Emma's until they were back or I got the courage to tell Ciarán.