Simon
Ever since what happened last Christmas break, I've been having nightmares. Some are worse than others but they haven't been getting better at all. My therapist says after awhile I'll get use to it and they'll go away, I don't think that's the case, I watched the one person who saw potential in me die because he couldn't stop hurting me.
Of course, I have to use modern terms for my therapist so she really doesn't know what happened, she just thinks she does.
"Simon, they'll get better, it's because you're still in shock. Watching your dad die right in front of you from a break in is traumatic"
"I know, but it was my fault"
"Nothing could of stopped it"
"I could've"
"No Simon, you couldn't of"
But I really could've.
I live with penny in a flat, she's a cool roommate, we watch movies every Friday night when she's not busy with schoolwork or working. I barely leave the house because she's never around to magic up my wings to stay hidden, it leaves me alone too much, I often find myself wondering how Agatha is in California. I heard that's where she went after the watford incident. As much as I want myself to hate her for running from ebb, instead of trying to save her, I can't. I usually can't find a way to hate most people who have impacted my life.
I'm not always alone, just some day, at first when we moved in I wanted a dog to keep me company, turns out I just got a vampire instead. Baz comes over a lot. He's such a good boyfriend? I mean, he is, we've just never really used that word before. I don't know how someone like him could ever like me, it's probably because I cling myself to him so much he just got used to me, either way, I care about him a lot. He's like my whole world, the glue that keeps all the broken parts of me together.
Penny marches through the front door, "I know you missed me" she sets her back down on the stool against the island table. I nod and turn back to my show, I waste time by watching random shows on Netflix. Right now I'm on atypical, it's good so far.
Penny walks up behind me and ruffles my hair.
"No Baz today?"
"No, his class goes until six"
"But it's three?"
"Long lecture today" I shrug and shove another cheese puff into my mouth.
"Okay, well, I'm going to study at the library when he gets here"
I look up at her. She's so caring, she knows I hate being alone a lot, I smile
"Okay, thank you penny"
She nods and grabs a blanket from the basket in the corner. She sits down on the other end of the L couch we have in the living room, I can see her watching me. "So" she toys with the end of the blanket
"How was the session today"
"Fine"
"Are they getting better?"
"No"
"Do you want to talk about it?" I bite my lip, talking about it is the last thing I want, I know penny will push though.
I shake my head and pick at my nails, she sighs,
"Simon, I know it's hard, though keeping it in will help nothing"
"I tell my therapist about it, that's enough, I really appreciate you caring for me but I'm okay"
She nods in defeat and we watch the office until six fifteen, she has a more comedic taste in her shows, by then Baz arrives. He has a key to our place, in case of emergencies.
I turn and face him, I smile lightly, his hair is everywhere which means I get to mess with it and he won't be mad. "Hey Snow" he kisses my forehead lightly. His lips are chapped from the winter but anything he does makes me happy and giddy. I lean back against the board of the couch as Baz goes around it to sit down next to me. Personally, I would just jump over the board and land in his lap but that's not at all ideal to him, he likes it when I do it though.
"Alright, I'm out, I'll be back around eleven" penny grabs her bag and shuffles out the door. Baz grabs my hand, I lean my head on his shoulder. "How was your day?"
he just puffs.
"What does that mean?"
He looks at me, his bags under his eyes are prominent, his hair is messier than usual (like I said). "You're that tired?" I frown. He looks at me and looks down to my chest, he leans towards me and pushed me down on the couch fully, his head on my chest. I smile and ruffle his hair. "Are you planning on staying here tonight?"
"Yes"
"Alright"
We stare mindlessly at the tv, it's hard to sleep and it's hard to stay focused lately. Things just aren't the way they used to be, I've excepted that, just no one knows how much pain I've been through. I watched my 'dad' die , I watched ebb bleed out because she was protecting Agatha, I watched and felt my magic leave my body, I even watched myself die before me. Things are hard, and they won't get easier. That's why I need Baz and penny and Agatha, just like old times. Sometimes I visit nico too, just pop by to say hello and hear stories of ebb from childhood, she was really a trouble maker.
Baz grabs my chin, I look down at him, he smiles and pulls towards me to kiss my lips. I kiss him back and wrap my arms around him. Usually it's the other way around, when he's extremely tired is this the only time we switch like this. We pull away from each other "Go to bed Baz" I pat his head. He groans, "I'm sorry I'm dulling the mood"
I shake my head, "there's nothing to be sorry for, now go to sleep"
He nods and grabs his wand, "turn off the lights, turn them off" he puts his wand on the table, that must be a new spell, I don't remember it. "Sorry Snow, I'm just too tired to get up." I nod and watch the tv. We try not to use magic anymore, especially since what had happened and how I'm dealing with it still, sometimes I still mutter for the spell of mages swords but realize it isn't there and even if it were I wouldn't feel it or control it.
In seconds, he's asleep and drooling. I play with his hair as I watch the tv, he really needs to start drinking coffee or something. He's always tired after long lectures, I know some nights he has trouble sleeping like me. I know he has nightmares too.
The door creaks open, the light from the flats hallway fills the room, I quickly close my eyes and pretend to be asleep, she said she'd be back around eleven but not it's about one in the morning. Penny closes it quickly and tiptoes to her bedroom. Why was she out so late, she's usually back before eleven. Did she go out partying? I hope so, she doesn't have a lot of class friends but still, a quick ring would've been nice.
I grab the remote by Baz's head and turn the tv off, it's about time I try to sleep.
