ƈσʅԃ ιɳ LA < dσɾႦყɳ

4

i shouldn't do this. i really, really shouldn't do this. sometimes, i don't really understand what goes through my head, making me think that this is in any way a good idea. i groan at myself, wiping my palm on my jeans before carefully lifting my fist and knocking on the door. i patiently wait a few seconds, before furrowing my eyebrows and lifting my hand, deciding to knock again. are they not home?

"coming!" a rough voice shouts from inside, and i feel my heart stop for a second, immediately recognising the voice. it's adam. i panic, looking around the garden for possible hiding places, before considering just running for it, but it's too late; the door swings opens harshly and i whip around, facing the large man with wide eyes. we stare at each other for a few seconds, neither of us speaking, before he rolls his eyes at me, taking a sip from the beer can resting in his hand.

"um, do you need anything?" he prompts, and i seem to snap out of my alarmed trance.

"o-oh, yeah, sorry, um, could i speak to corbyn for a second please?" i say, my voice sounding pathetically similar to that of a thirteen-year-old's. his eyes narrow for a minute suspiciously, and i almost hold my breath, but thankfully he doesn't question it any further, closing the door slightly as he turns back into his house.

"corbyn! someone's at the door for you." he screams, making me wince slightly. his voice is really loud. i hear footsteps approaching me, and a sudden sense of trepidation fills me, making me squirm slightly and breathe out nervously. it's highly likely that this will not end well. the door swings open once again, and i hold my breath anxiously as i see the blonde boy appear in the doorway, his face slightly flushed and his hair fluffy at the top of his head. he immediately frowns slightly in confusion at me, tilting his head slightly to the side like a puppy.

"daniel, what are you-" he begins, stepping outside so that he can close the door behind him, but i know this will only be harder if i hear his voice.

"don't say anything." i quickly cut him off, and he, being the obedient, amenable person he is, does exactly that, looking at me with wide, curious, confused eyes.

"just let me talk corbyn." i feel the tears already welling up in my eyes, becoming some sort of speech impediment as i try to strangle out my words.

"look, i know you don't see the same thing i do. i know what you think and i know i probably can't change your views, so i just need to tell you this now. i can't handle this anymore. i don't think you understand how excruciatingly agonising, almost harrowing, this is for me. it's like your trying to shatter my heart, every time you turn up at my door, broken and hurt, and then you proceed to run back to him, as thought he did nothing! do you think i enjoy seeing you like that?" i choke on a sob, the words cascading out of my mouth like a waterfall. corbyn doesn't move, his arms firmly pressed to his side and his eyes looking cautious, even more addled than he was before.

"dani-" his voice squeaks, trying to break through my rampage, but i quickly shut down his words with a loud scream of my own.

"no! don't talk now! i've had it corbyn! i'm through. what do i even mean to you? am i just the one you run to when your hurt? well, i'm sorry corbyn. i can't take it even more. you probably mean more to me than i'll ever mean to you, and i can't live with that. i'm so fucking in love with you, but you're so blinded by that monster to even be able to tell!" somehow my words get louder by the syllable, piercing through the air like spears, and then suddenly it's silent. i pant, looking at corbyn through my tears as they fall limply down my cheeks. corbyn looks at me, his body unmoving and his eyes not containing a trace of sadness or of tears, unlike mine. clearly, he doesn't care half as much as i do. clearly, i've made the right choice.

i say one final thing before i run off, like the coward i am.

"i'm through corbyn. i'm sorry, but... i can tell by the way you're looking at me you'll be fine."

how are you guys enjoying this book so far? :)