ƈσʅԃ ιɳ LA < dσɾႦყɳ

5

the house was painfully quiet. nothing could possibly drown out the sound of my pitiful sobs, clawing their way through the silence. my whole body trembled, pressed up against the living room wall, because i still can't believe i did that. i've possibly just lost corbyn, for good now. i've actually let him go, i let him just slip through my fingers after i pushed him away. it's all my fault.

and there's nothing i can do now.

my crying only intensifies, and i wrap my arms around my knees, desperate for comfort. never before have i felt so alone, so desperately cold inside. it's like my heart is actually frozen and broken inside my chest, but i can still feel it's rampaging thumping throughout my whole body.

this is really it.

***

it takes me half an hour, at least, to calm down my crying, and when i finally do, the doorbell rings. i just stare at the door in a confused state, almost as though i've forgotten its rung, until i slowly walk to it. i take a deep breath in before opening it, not expecting who i see on the other side. my eyes widen in shock as we stare at each other, and he looks mad. really mad.

"daniel james seavey!" corbyn's voice squeaks, pushing my shoulders back so that he can walk into the house. i stumble slightly, trying to regain my balance, as i continue staring at him, dumbfounded. "how, fucking, dare, you!" he screams through deep breaths, and when i look into his eyes, i finally notice something; i'm not the only one breaking. corbyn is in pain too. i can tell he's hurt, i've know him long enough to be able to tell. he lets out a broken sob, tugging on his hair angrily. i just stand back, my breathing shallow.

"you're-you're so fucking selfish!" corbyn stutters, his body shaking. he steps forwards, poking his finger into my chest, both of us merely centimetres apart.

"you can't..." he pauses to let out another sob, looking down at the floor before looking up again with tear filled eyes. "you can't say you love me and then just leave!" his scream is piercing, breaking my heart. i whimper, trying to move away but just pressing my back against the wall.

"what were you planning on saying back, huh? i was just making it easier for you!" i yell, my lower lip wobbling dangerously.

"easier for me? you dick! i-i have a boyfriend, who i don't even know if i love! but he loves me. and you just go and say that? how am i supposed to even feel?" corbyn shakes my shoulder, our faces almost bashing together.

"you're blind corbyn! you're blind if you think he loves you!" i scream, letting out sobs of my own. this isn't right. this tension between us as we breathe heavily isn't right. the way we're looking at each other isn't right.

everything has changed now. i never thought it would end up like this. i never thought that we would ever say the things we say.

i actually really like this book even tho it's my own oops