Finding My Way

1

"Trayton! Get up. You have to go to the doctors!" I hear my mom yelling from down stairs. I groan and pull the blanket over my head and roll over. I can hear her coming up the stairs. I groan as she opens the curtains and sunlight floods over my bed. She pulls the blanket off my head.

"Tray. You need to come eat breakfast. You have a doctor's appointment today, you need to get your new glasses. You can't keep putting these things off, Trayton."

I just glare at her. She hands me my glasses, and I slip them on. Not because I want her to now that she won, but because looking around with the bright light and no glasses is giving me a headache.
                        •••
I pull a shirt over my head and grab my vest. I go downstairs and sit on the couch. I strap the vest to my chest and wait for Mom to finish cleaning up from breakfast.

She comes in and helps me with the vest. She brings me a small trashcan. As the vest starts to vibrate, I cough all the loose mucus out and spit it into the can. My CF isn't as bad as some people. So I consider myself lucky. But it will still probably kill me. Somebody knocks on the door just as I'm finishing up my treatment. My mom looks confused, but still looks out the window then opens the front door. I'm not supposed to move with my vest on, so I just wait. I can't hear anything but footsteps across the hardwood floors. Somebody sits next to me on the couch. I know it's not mom, they sat to hard. I turn my head and nearly jump up. Mathew just smiles and leans over giving me a big hug.

"Hey, buddy." I smile and hug him back.

I look up at him, "What are you doing here? Your supposed to be at school."

He chuckles, "Well, I heard that a certain little brother of mine needed a ride to his doctors appointment."

I look over at mom, "Really? Mat's taking me!" She just nods and helps me pull off my vest, and puts my breathing tube back in my nose. I can't stop smiling.

Mat pats my knee, and says, "You might need shoes if we are going to leave the house. And maybe a jacket."

I jump up and run up the stairs, ignoring mom yelling at me. I grab my tennis shoes and socks and my hoodie. I almost forgot to grab my phone off my nightstand. I can hear Mom and Mat talking, she was telling him to make sure I take it easy. Considering I was in the hospital two weeks ago, because I over exerted myself while playing with my dogs. I don't want to interrupt them, so I waited at the top of the stairs until I heard Mat say he was going to come up and find me. We met in the middle of the stairwell, then both went down. I gave Mom a hug and went outside to Mat's car. I was positioning my air tank on the floor when he came out of the house.

"Ready Trayton?" Mathew asks as he starts the car.

"Yep." I try to hide a cough. He just smiles. I may not have mentioned, but Mat is my best friend, and secretly, my favorite sibling. It probably because he is the most supportive of me, and he seems to care the most. I know that all of my family cares, but Mat just seems to always be there when I need him.

After my doctor hands me my new glasses and we get back in the car Mat turns to me and says, "Hey, those look pretty neat. So, you ready to go home?"

I look at him, my eyes still getting used to the new glasses, "But I don't want to go home, because that means that you will have to leave. Can we just not go home?" I asked, secretly hinting to him. And as if on cue, my stomach growled.

He smiles and ruffles my hair. "Sure, we can go get some lunch, and maybe go somewhere else. How does that sound?"

I smile and try not to jump out of my seat, "Yes! Please, can we do that!"

"I'll just have to make sure Mom is okay with it." He pulls out his phone and punches in Mom's number. He makes funny faces at me as we wait for Mom to pick up. I can't help but smile and laugh at him.

"Hello?" I can hear Mom's muffled voice.

"Hey, we were just wondering. Can we stay out for a few hours? We were gonna get some lunch, then hangout somewhere."

I could practically hear Mom's smile through the phone, "Well, I don't know. I don't want Tray to wear himself out-"

Mat cut her off, " Mom. We are going to get lunch. Okay? Is that fine?"

I don't know if Mom can hear me or not but I am begging her, "Please! Please! Please!" I can hear her laugh, I guess she can hear me.

"Well, does Trayton feel up to it?" We both smile and hear the playfulness in Mom's voice. Mat hands me the phone.

"YES! I am completely up to it. If I feel tired then I will tell Mathew and we will stop what we are doing. Please Mom, can we please go?" I know I'm begging like a little kid, but it always works on her.

"Well, make sure you keep your tank on you, and make sure to stop if you need to, okay buddy?"

I smile, "Okay." I hand the phone back to my brother at my mother's request. I can hear them quietly talk as we drive out of the parking lot of the oncologist. I know that Mom is telling Mat that she has been begging me to get out of the house for a long time. She is happy that I am out of the house.

                       •••
"My eyes are still adjusting, it hurts. I can barely see!" I hold on to my big brothers arm to keep my balance. Mat leans over and slips the straps of my air tank  onto his back. I am forced to lean over with him. He just laughed. We walk into the restaurant for lunch. I can smell so many great smells. I don't remember the last time  I ate outside of my house. I look around at the faces of people that I may or may not know. We go and stand in line and I look at the giant menu to find something to eat.

When we get our food and sit down, I bite into my cheeseburger. It tastes so good. I guess I was making faces, because Mat just laughed at me. I take a sip of my Dr. Pepper and I hear people laughing and joking as they come in the door.

"Trayton? Trayton Daniels? Is that you?" I turn around and see Brandon McCaffrey, one of the kids that was on my baseball team.

"Oh, hey Brandon." I give a sad, half-hearted wave. I notice that the group of boys that Brandon came with was my old team.

Brandon came and sat on the bench next to me, "Hey, how long has it been since, you know, you left the team?" Brandon shakes his shaggy brown hair out of his face.

"Um, I technically never left the team. But I stopped playing about four years ago." I take another drink out of my cup.

I hear some boy call for Brandon, "Well, hopefully you can come back to practice. We actually have a game tomorrow. Maybe you can come."

I smile, "Yeah, I might come."

"Good. Well, I'm gonna go get some lunch. See you tomorrow I guess." He waved as he joined the rest of the boys in line.

I look up at Mat. "I wasn't expecting to see anybody that I knew. That's one reason I don't leave the house." He just nodded. I take another bite as I look over at Brandon and my other old friends, they seem completely content and happy. They are unaware of the reason why I can't play with them anymore. I haven't talked to anyone from before until today. I also haven't left my house, except for medical reasons, since I got sick.

I sat in silence, watching the big, rowdy group of baseball players. "Hey Tray," Mat poked my shoulder, "Trayton. You should probably eat." I look down at my food and push it away then look up at him. "Hey, what's the matter? We were having a great time, what changed that?"

I sigh, "It's nothing."

"You can't lie to me. You know that. What's wrong?"

I look back at the kids joking around, completely carefree. "I was just thinking about how my life would have turned out if I hadn't gotten sick." I fight back the red-hot tears in my eyes. "I wish I had never gotten sick. I wish I was normal." I get up and walk to the bathroom to he alone. As soon as I lock the door, the tears stream down my face. I can't breathe. Crying isn't good. I check my tank, it's fine. My throat is closing up. I start to feel light headed. After a few minutes, I realize that something is wrong. I shove my hand in my hoodie pocket, searching for my phone. It's not there, my mind flashes back to see it sitting on the table with Mat. My vision is starting to blur. I can't scream, I can't see well enough to unlock the door. I bang on the door. Please let someone hear me. Why isn't Mat coming to get me? Why isn't anyone coming for me? My vision starts to darken. I let out a single, strangled scream and pound the door as hard as I can. One last time. Everything goes dark as I hit the hard floor.