Reach out for me. The same way you've always reached out for me in your dreams…
Reluctance & curiosity, fighting within your heart like two rabid wolves, one about to devour the other before it could take over. Needless to say it was curiosity as well as unbearable longing that'd emerge victorious at the end when, as though lifted by invisible strings, your arms eventually extended towards darkened horizons with slender digits spread, ready to meet his own ~
“ Come closer… please… ”
In less than the blink of an eye after those words had fallen from your lips your fingertips met something solid midair; cold as stone yet gentle in touch, grazing the smooth surface for a moment longer before realization struck you like lightning:
It was a hand, emerging from the shadows like a phantom, its fingers soon intertwining with yours as if to ensure you couldn't slip away again.
And only seconds later a taller figure followed its lead by stepping into the cone of light cast upon the frozen ground by the moon, nearly colliding with yours but coming to a halt mere inches before doing so. Nervousness & timidity subdued, your dead eyes finally parted from the pale hand that held yours & drifted heavenwards to meet those of your counterpart; eyes so mesmerizing despite the lack of life, it caused you to tremble even harder.
Embedded in a face so pale & fair, able to weaken your knees right where you stood, those eyes stared deeply into yours from the very first second the figure had taken your hand, his long blonde hair glistening in the moonlight like liquid gold.
His countenance, free of past's atrocities & doings; no blood stains, no bruises, no wounds. He looked as if he had suffered the most peaceful death imaginable & yet - you knew better…
If your heart hadn't already gone silent, it certainly would've done so in this very moment:
It truly /was/ Pelle.
Your lips parted for a response; a sigh of disbelief was all they managed to give away.
" You — "
You are afraid.
Sorrow rested within his voice that suddenly rang out much softer than before; more fragile, like already fractured glass.
Almost impatiently did he finish that sentence for you, his eyes wide open like two gaping portals as he didn't seem to blink once, magically pulling you in. For reasons you could neither fully grasp nor explain with the mere use of words alone you felt drawn to him, similar like a moth to a flame. Unintentionally your own grip on his hand became fiercer, harder; the simple thought of him drifting away once again was weighing you down & made it difficult to keep a calm & collected demeanour though such, you were aware, was more than required at this point…
“ … Afraid I sure am, but can you blame me? ”
You fell silent yet again, for a moment so short, shivering in response to the freezing winds unwanted embrace.
“ How many years have already passed since you died by your own hands & fell into the abyss…. All for /this/? ”
Refusing to release him after all, a quick glance to the side was all you were willing to give in order to accentuate your almost reproachful statement. Now that you were this close to him & had therefore been given the chance to analyze his expression you began to realize that, unlike you who was still trembling like a leaf, the mortifying cold did not seem to bother Pelle even in the slightest.
If you wouldn't so strongly believe that there was still some life left in him after all, you'd even go so far as to say that he had actually found ‘comfort’ in it.
Just what had this drab, desolate world done to him…
“ You can not convince me that this was worth it all… ”
It was.
( … until I pulled the trigger…)
That final part however never left his lips but instead remain locked away from your ears for all eternity due to him being aware that the truth, once unleashed, would haunt you until the end of time.
A wraith like me belongs into a withered world like this. I was roaming the earth for more than two decades, yet my soul had left the world of the living already much sooner…
I was a stranger in my own universe for far too long, but that is now in the past… & that is where it shall remain…
As though being taken away by slowly fading memories from the days of old the young man's eyes departed from your own at last to drift off into the distance, inside them the same melancholic & wistful glow you remembered from his terrestrial years still. Whether it was a mere illusion or just the immensely powerful light of the moon, you couldn't tell for sure, but for a few seconds his eyes seemed to be glistening with tears; tears that did neither flow nor fall but rested calm under his heavy eyelids, soon drying out under the freezing moon's judgemental gaze…
I belong in the dark woods & have always done so….
I'm /home/ at last.
And like a snake, subtly & almost without you noticing it, his hand grew loose in your grasp, ready to let go… But that strong, unshakable will of yours, it did not bend, neither did your heart surrender & accept what immane fate the flow of time had bestowed upon his young soul & with a single swift move you had soon wrapped your trembling fingers around his wrist once more, taking a step towards him in the process. The urge to embrace him was terrifyingly overwhelming, painful almost, setting your frail heart ablaze as to amerce; all the things you craved to tell him right here & now, neatly stored in the corners of your mind but already on the verge of eating their way through your brain like a cancer cell & going merry-round with your head. It was pure torture - no more, no less.
Dead eyes hiding mortal tears sought his & you almost snapped, that's how desperate you were at this stage, barely capable of keeping those tears locked away any longer but determined to do just that, aware that he'd hate to see you succumb to your own weaknesses.
“ Pelle… Look at me. ”
No one will ever miss me up there…
“ Pelle, look at me…
Please! Look… at me… ”
His eyes averted, dilated pupils vanished behind pale lids for a few seconds before your gazes met again & his young face, raped by grief & loneliness, turned in your direction.
His beauty was too much to bear, felt like a dagger to the heart…
“ If you only knew… how many people on earth carry you inside their hearts every single day…
It would make you feel /alive/… ”
…………………………………………
YOU ARE READING
Life Eternal
Fanfiction" If you change the past, you do not change the future... You erase it & create a wholly new one instead. " 🥀 [ featuring Per "Dead" Ohlin of the old Mayhem ] ! Trigger Warnings: suicide related themes, depression, mentioning of self-harm.
