it's so lonely here

Relief

Emma's POV
We had gotten back to my house and postmated some food for dinner. It had been a few hours and we decided to just chill on my bed, scrolling through social media and talking about random shit. I had such a great day with E that it made it hard knowing I wouldn't be able to see him for a few days. "I gotta call Gray," Ethan said while getting off the bed. "Everything good?" I questioned. "Yes, 100%, just going to talk over some flight details and see how things are back home, I'll be right back." He walked down my stairs and to the patio outside of my front door. While he was gone I decided to do my nightly routine of responding to fans. The hate comments were rolling in hot tonight, as expected, because let's be real, when do they not? However, I kept getting tagged in pictures of me on the beach with Ethan. He had his arms wrapped around me as we were trying to get away from the creep by my car. The picture was cute and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. It brought me back to the feeling of his strong arms tightly around me, his chin resting in the crook of my neck. I smiled to myself, wishing that one day we could be something more. My happiness soon faded as I read the captions on the posts. I was so caught up in the cuteness of the photo that I didn't even realize that people were bashing on me. "Ethan come on, we know you can do better. Find a model or something, anything is an upgrade from this piece of trash," said one of them. With each tagged post the captions got worse and worse and soon I found myself on the floor of my bathroom, crying like a baby, again. "Emma you can't let Ethan see you like this. He'll think you're an emotional wreck," I thought to myself. I mean, I am an emotional wreck, I'm completely unstable when it comes to my feelings, but I wasn't about the ruin the night with my crying. My sadness turned to anger, I was so pissed at myself. Maybe they were right, I am disgusting, Ethan could certainly do better. I got off the ground and looked at myself in the mirror. "Look at yourself Emma, you're a fucking mess." My red, tear stained face looked back at me. I decided to take a shower and try to freshen up before Ethan came back in. I switched the water on and stepped into my steamy shower. I really thought the shower would help cool off my mind, but I was just so damn angry at myself. I got out of the shower and wiped the fog off the mirror. Every ounce of my blood boiled at the ugly girl staring back. I needed a release, but I didn't know how, and I certainly wasn't about to make E deal with my shit. I desperately thought of ways to make this feeling go away. With each minute that passed the feeling got worse and I couldn't contain it anymore. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of something shiny. I turned my head to focus on the object, it was Ethan's razor blades. Lately he's been into shaving with just the blade, don't ask me why because I have no fucking clue, but he left them here a while ago and uses them if he spends the night. I walk over to the box and pull one out. I looked at my reflection in the small object and without a second thought I set it on my wrist. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I was being over dramatic. I took a second glance in the mirror and the pain in my chest returned. I just needed a release. I took one swipe and watched and blood slowly rise from the cut. It felt good. Why did it feel so good? One after another I swiped up my arm, leaving five fresh and bloody cuts. I threw the razor in the trash and went over to the sink to wash the cuts. The last thing I needed was an infection. When I was done I took out two giant size bandaids and covered the scars. I threw on the clothes I brought in with me and looked back in the mirror. I felt relief. The pain in my chest was gone, my head was clear, and I could finally breathe again. "Fuck," I thought, "I guess I found a my new coping skill." I tossed my towel into the hamper and layed back on my bed.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: shorter chapter this time, let me know what you think!!

Word Count: 816