It's complicated : Real, Intimate thoughts of a 22 year old girl

Black Hole

There is no place I can hide ,
no place I can run ,
my demons always find me and remind me who I am.
Who am I ?
You are your family and my family's fucked up . My family's like a black hole that sucks the life out of you .
On the outside ,
from a distance it looks beautiful, calm , majestic, controlled
but once you get a little closer you feel it's energy
sucking you in, pulling you further and further into its darkness ,
pitch black ,
chaos.
The thing about my family ,my black hole , is that I'm never alone yet I'm always alone , floating through space being seen but never really seen ,
being heard but never really heard
An outcast
A black sheep.
A fugitive running from my own blood, the very blood that created me and runs through my veins.
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning ,
being suffocated by arguments,
choked by my own tears .
My family, my black hole is stealing everything from me ,
all my strength and hope !
I fight and fight and I fight but the darkness entices me
the further I sink the more I want to let go , give in,
be completely absorb into the darkness,
let it wash over me like a Wave
carrying me into nothingness until it's so dark it's bright ,
blank ,
what is worse than darkness ?
Emptiness ,
I'm almost empty ,
please someone help me
Don't let me sink into the emptiness, don't let me go numb
Please someone hear me , someone see me , black hole I'm begging you ,
save me .