fear not [muke]

six

'mikey, what am i gonna do?' michael sighed at the boy as he brushed a few knots out of his hair with his fingers. the pair had been sitting on michael's bedroom floor for over an hour, talking about everything. about how luke was going to need to tell his family, about what they were (technically they were together now), and about how they were going to deal with everything after they tell luke's parents. 

'i'm not sure, but whatever happens, just know that me and my family are here for you, okay?' luke nodded, grabbing michael's hand and intertwining their fingers. he was scared. he hadn't exactly planned on dealing with this,  he figured that he would always just live in the shadows but this felt, nice. really nice. it was good to know that he was finally being himself, even if his family was going to hate him.

-

nothing could prepare luke for the way he felt as he walked into his house. he was afraid that this could possibly be the last time he walked in, getting hit with whatever fresh-smelling candle his mother was burning that day, hearing his brothers arguing about something stupid and asking him for his opinion on it. this was it.

'mum?' luke's voice was quiet. he was scared. his mother heard him and called from the living room. this is it, he thought, shuffling into the living room. 

'luke, can you make sure that you take the trash out? i had to listen to your- were you crying, son?' his mother always hated it when he would cry. she said it made him look like a child. 

you aren't a child anymore, luke, you're ten.. eleven.. twelve...

luke nodded, trying to wipe away whatever tears were still left. he didn't want to cry anymore over this. he wanted to get this over with.

'well, man up. you aren't a baby anymore, luke.' she turned her attention back to the television, patting the couch next to her and muttering 'come watch with me.' luke coughed a bit, trying to ignore the growing lump in his throat. 

'i am a baby, mum. and i'm sorry.' his mother didn't even turn around, instead just turned the television off. it was as if she knew exactly what was going on. without reacting heavily to what was said, she turned to ask a question. 

'were you reclassified?' luke muttered out a response confirming her statement. his heart was racing and he felt like he might explode with how nervous he was. right now, he just wanted to be in michael's embrace, a blanket over the both of them while they watched cartoons. 

'pack a bag, sweet. we don't have littles in the hemmings lineage, you know that.' she stated plainly, turning the television back on and continuing to watch her show. luke let out a quiet sob, unsure why she was being so nonchalant about it. he wanted her to at least care. 

he ran up to his room, grabbing a few things he knew he needed. clothes, the few bucks he had managed to save since last christmas, phone charger, and his blanket. he looked under his bed, where his childhood stuffed animal had been. he never actually cuddled with it, but the security of knowing it was there was enough. a sob escaped his lips when all he saw was stuffing on the floor from a rip that was in the back of the bear. he figured his mother must have taken it back upon finding it.

luke quickly zipped his bag, knowing that his school bag was at michael's and any other clothes he needed he could borrow from michael. he ran downstairs and out the front door, seeing his brother watch him curiously from the front window. they'd find out sooner or later.

michael had told him to call him after he had told his mother, but luke really didn't feel like talking right at that moment. he really just wanted to sit and cry and stop existing. he walked in the general direction of michael's house, knowing he could get on foot in under twenty minutes. it was the only thing keeping him from sitting on the sidewalk and crying. 

he was on the verge of tears the entire time, wiping away any that escaped his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. by the time he made it, he was ready to break. the second michael opened the door to see luke standing there, the little broke down. he collapsed into michael's arms, sobbing loud enough to rid himself of the awful words his mother had spoken about littles over the years. he didn't want to hear them anymore. he just wanted silence.

it wasn't fair. he didn't choose to be this way. it was natural and it was okay. in the end, everything was going to be okay. michael was rubbing his back and ushering him into the warm house and everything felt better already. 

'lu, shh, i'm here.' he could hear michael whispering softly to him, but he couldn't do anything but cry loudly into the caregiver's chest, gripping his shirt in his hands as he felt the overwhelmingly-familiar fuzzy feeling overtaking him. he sobbed as he listened to the older boy's steady heartbeat.

'deep breaths, my love. shh.' luke nuzzled himself further into michael's chest, finally feeling a bit calmer than before. he gave into the fuzzy feeling, not worrying about anything but feeling better. not worrying about what his mother would think (she had already expressed herself on the situation), not worrying about what the people in his life would think. he was only concerned on michael and the fact that he really wanted a paci to suck on. 

michael grabbed the little's bag from him before lifting the boy and bringing him to his bedroom. he figured the little might be more comfortable in a quieter space, as michael's parents were both watching the television. 

'mummy kicked me out. no home.' luke whimpered as soon as they got into the room, his eyes watery. he felt so small and helpless. michael sighed and held him tightly, whispering things to him as he calmed him down. luke was just getting himself more worked up by thinking about everything. 

'baby, this is your home now. you know that my family and i have no issue with you staying. especially where, as of now, i am your caregiver. you're safe.' luke sobbed happily and held onto michael, the only thing in his life right now. he had michael and it was definitely enough for right now.