It's All In Your Mind

6

Scott McCall didn't believe him. A friend, his best-friend didn't believe him. Well, not that much of a best-friend, really. More like someone who really believed, he could have killed someone in cold blood.

He had got a text from Scott, so he rode towards their Vet station to meet him there. While he was riding it started to rain and when he got out, the water fell down in such thick ropes, it almost felt as if he was standing in a shower. And he had forgotten his umbrella at home. Yippee.

And of course the fox bastard had to laugh at him for that.

He was ready to go straight into the building, but he found Scott standing before it and looking more sombre than Stiles had ever seen him. Nogitsune commented on the fact, that he looked like he got a stick in his ass, while Stiles carefully got out of his Jeep.

He started to blabber about having no idea where either Lydia or Malia were – which was true, he couldn't find his friend or girlfriend anywhere – when Scott cut him off with one swift move. Stiles' eyes widened when he saw a rather familiar looking wrench in his friend's hands.

Nogitsune whistled. Stiles felt himself blanching. That was... that was his wrench. His wrench which he had hit Donovan with. Why was Scott holding it with such a terrible expression?

"Scott?" He felt his mouth go dry. Whatever the Alpha was going to say wouldn't be pretty.

But Scott didn't respond. He just stood there and stared at him. As if Stiles had any idea, what any of this was supposed to mean. So he tried again.

"Where did you get that?"

Scott finally spoke and extended the hand holding it towards him. "Is that yours?"

The boy felt his eyebrows go a little up, as he took the wrench and felt it in his hands. It had to be about Donovan. This... this whole thing had to be about it. What else would make Scott look at him with such disappointment?

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Stiles looked away. "I was going to..."

"You weren't," Nogitsune pointed out.

But Scott shook his head. "No, why didn't you tell me, when it happened?"

The image of Donovan being injected on a scaffolding flashed before his eyes and he felt the tremendous feeling of guilt spike in the pit of his stomach. "I couldn't."

Nogitsune gave him a look. "Oh, so you couldn't. You couldn't. I have been there with you when it happened, Stiles. We both know it was nothing but a stupid self-defense. You didn't tell him because you can't trust him, and the sooner you realize it, the easier it will become for you."

He wanted to turn to him and shut him up. He wanted to shake his head and deny it. But Scott would probably think the jury was out, so he didn't.

But it wasn't true. Every time he had tried to say it, Scott either had something terribly more important to do, and when he hadn't, Stiles realized he wasn't able to even move his lips. He just couldn't. Because the guilt and fear gripped his throat and made him stutter. Scott would surely hate him if he knew. So maybe it was true that he didn't trust the Alpha to not abandon him, after he heard that Stiles took someone's life. But that was it. Yes, it was a self-defense and he strongly believed it, but of course he trusted Scott... kind of...

"You killed him?" Scott's voice pierced the air and made Stiles' heart miss a beat, "Did you kill Donovan?"

Yes, he had. He had killed Donovan. But he had already gone over the situation about million times in his head. In nightmares, bouts of second-guessings and self-hate. He could still feel the speed his heart had been beating, the absolute, inexplainable fear that cursed through him and the frantic panic as he ran and climbed and moved faster than he ever did, so he wouldn't die. He also remembered the fact, that his only thoughts at the moment, he pulled the plug out, were about survival. His body had gone on automatic and he done everything he could, to came out of it alive.