It's All In Your Mind

4

His nightmares sometimes brought him to the point, where he woke up screaming. Sometimes, he woke up feeling so numb he would stare at one spot for hours, wanting to die. Sometimes, he woke up sobbing. Sometimes, he woke with a sense of relief – it was just a dream, thank God – and sometimes, he had the luck to not remember his dream at all. Not like these dreams appeared often.

It was one of the nightmares, that nearly brought him to screams, that woke him up that night. It was a mix of things that had happened that only made sense in that dream, but it was still somehow so real...

Nogitsune was sitting above him, looking at him with an unreadable expression. Stiles glared at him, but it was weak. He didn't have the strength to argue with him. No after that dream...

A flash of Allison lying on the floor with a katana in her chest came into his mind and he quickly shook it off, reminding himself that it was only a dream. It was a dream, nothing else.

The trickster continued to watch him. "You dreamt about the hunter again."

It wasn't even a question. No, the fox knew him well enough to know almost all of his dreams were about killing Scott's girlfriend. He averted his eyes.

"And they all blamed you, didn't they? Like always."

"Let me be."

"They always abandon you. Your great Pack always leaves you. And it's not only in dreams. They ignore you." The fox's eyes glowed with malice as he continued to jab at him.

Stiles threw a pillow at him, but it only passes through. "Go away."

The fox chuckled, shaking his head. "You can deny as much as you want but you know it's true. They never listen. They didn't listen when you told them about Matt, they didn't listen about Peter and yet, both of them turned out to be the worst. And they still don't take you seriously."

He leaned closer, smirking. "Doesn't it hurt?"

It stung. Stiles tried to shove him off, even though his hands touched nothing and it only made the trickster laugh harder. At the end he huffed and turned around, facing away from him.

He's just trying to get to you. Don't listen to him. Stiles thought to himself. He's not worth it.

But the fox kept talking. "Really, to think how much none of them even care... I'm sure it must be horrible. To know that all of them think of you just as a pathetic little human."

Stiles kept his eyes on the wall opposite of him. Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him!

"If you think I'm just making stuff up, then think again. They don't care about you. You see it yourself almost every day... What was the last time they talked to you about anything other than research or homework, again?"

He tried to stop listening, but he couldn't. Not when these words hurt so much. Not when they were true.

He didn't want to think about it. But his mind already pointed out so many incidents, just from last week alone, that he couldn't ignore it. His eyes stung with unshead tears and he started to blink them away. He wouldn't give Nogitsune the satisfaction in seeing him cry. No. He would rather die than let the trickster see him being affected by his words.

He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about Scott not even glancing his way. He didn't want to think about the lonely lunch breaks and odd looks his 'friends' gave him anytime he tried to talk to them. He didn't want to think about Malia's excuses for not going on dates, Liam's looks of 'what are you even doing here?', Lydia's bored hums, Kira's nervous smiles followed by abandoning him or Scott's - I'm sorry, I have to go, but see you later – that always just made him more angry than sad. What was more important than your best-friend?

He hated it. Hated it, hated it hated it! He hated that he became a bother to them. He hated that they didn't even acknowledge him on these days. It hurt, oh God, it hurt.

And the fact, that Nogitsune followed him everywhere and was basically throwing it in his face, didn't help. At all. Most of the days, he wanted to just hit him, but each time he tried to even touch him, his hand glided through air. However, Nogitsune sometimes touched him and he could feel it. Sometimes he wished he hadn't. The trickster's touch was always cold. Unnatural. Anyway, this little fact made him even angrier, since the fox always looked so smug about it. He wanted to get that smirk off of his face. But he couldn't. And that was the entire point.

If Stiles was being honest, he had no idea what to even think of the fox. Nogitsune followed him everywhere. Almost like a puppy, but Stiles would have chosen puppy over the fox any day. No, Nogitsune was like some bad smell. It annoyed you and you couldn't get it out of your clothes, but you soon became used to it.

It scared Stiles, that he in fact became used to it. Nogitsune would usually stay by his side, observe things and comment on them.

On good days, Stiles would even silently laugh, since Nogitsune, as it soon became clear, was sassy as hell. Sometimes, Stiles had to work real hard, to keep a straight face after few of the fox's remarks. He sometimes even wished, he could have answered him, but he didn't need others to think he was crazy on top of all the other bullshit, he was already dealing with.

On bad days, Nogitsune would mock and taunt him, pointing out his mistakes and laugh in his face for them. He would make terrible remarks, and this time Stiles would have to keep a straight face so he didn't launch at the trickster. Sometimes, he wished he could strangle the creature but of course he couldn't.

He wished Nogitsune wasn't haunting him anymore. He wished he didn't have to be the only one, who could see him. He wished Nogitsune could've left him when they stabbed him with Kira's katana. He wished for this and so many other things, but no one heard his wishes. No, the fox was still there, still taunting and still messing with his mind.

But he became used to it. He became used to never being alone. He became used to Nogitsune's snarky remarks, his sarcastic comments and jabs. He became used to his ever-lasting presence. It scared him, because if he became used to it, did it mean it was real? That it became real? That this was his life now, and it wouldn't end?

These thoughts were probably the most terrifying ones he got. And probably the worst thing about this situation.

That however didn't mean, that other thoughts – for example about his ignorant friends – weren't hurtful too. They hurt like bitch.

Nogitsune tsked and shook his head. "I don't even understand why you talk to them. You could do so much better without them, but yet, you still hold on to them. When will you realize they don't like you? They don't care about you. And you shouldn't spend your time with someone, who doesn't appreciate your company."

But at this point, he finally had enough. He sat up, facing the trickster. "Oh? And who should I hang out with, then? You?" He sneered.

Nogitsune gave him a sly smile. "Why, but you already hang out with me. I'm just trying to make you see sense, dummy."

Stiles sighed, feeling rather pissed. "Do me a favor and go fuck yourself, yeah?"

The only response he got, as he laid down again, was the trickster's laughter.