This Is My Last Note, Goodbye

The Light Blue Pills (4)

I was just sitting down inside of the soccer goal not knowing what to do because my best friend, Chloe, was absent that day.

When I looked up, from twiddling with the three-leaf clovers, I saw Brittney walking over. I got up because I didn't want to be at a lower angle, but once she came up to me, she pushed me down to where I was before.

Once I hit the floor she said, "That is where you belong."

I started to say something but stopped, so Brittney went on saying, "Were you going to say something?"

"No I-," I started to say, but got rudely interrupted by her, "Just leave me alone."

"I didn't even do anything!"

"We'd all be better off if you just killed yourself! No one cares about you! Your mom is lucky she only had to deal with you for two years!" Brittney was on her way somewhere else, to just leave me on the ground, bawling.

Brittney knew what she said, and felt happy hearing me weep about it.

The recess bell started to ring.

RING RING RING!

I got up and began walking toward the door, crying, attempting to wipe the tears from my eyes.

I took a while because I was out in the field, and I wasn't planning to run up to the doors.

Once I got closer to the door, I heard my classmates start talking about how fat I was because I was going too slow. This only resulted in me crying even more.

* * *

I was glad to go home. All I wanted to do was eat food and cry, but when I started to think about it. All I wanted to do was cry, I didn't want to eat, at all! Not even a crumb!

A few of my classmates have called me fat and some other names before. For some reason, I took it harder this time. Maybe because it was my whole class instead of a few specific people, but I am use to people picking on me.

I didn't have Chloe there to stand up for me and to have my back either. I felt so alone, so lost, and so targeted. I never did anything to harm them, so I never knew why they always did it to me.

* * *

When I got home, I got put back in the closet. The day couldn't get any worse. I got in trouble for not telling my brothers I was going to the bathroom.

I couldn't believe how ridiculous they were acting!

I am sorry for not telling others when I am emptying my bodily fluids.

I just wanted to lay in bed, cuddle my pillow, and fall asleep. I wanted peace and quiet. I didn't want to be stuffed in a closet. I didn't want to be called names. I didn't want to do a ton of crap for my brothers. I didn't want to do anything at all!

I was tired of everyone and everything. I was glad I didn't have homework that day, I didn't eat dinner, I just went to sleep after I was let out of the damn closet.

The next day I was looking on my phone. I was glad it was Spring Break! I didn't text Chloe though, I knew she wouldn't want to be bothered on such a beautiful day.

Once I got on Instagram, I received some messages. They were all from some classmates at school.

"Go kill yourself! No one cares about!"

"Go to hell Tessa Roberts!"

"Ummm...sorry to break it to you but you aren't invited to the party. So don't try and come with Chloe, you slut."

"Please kill yourself, I am begging you!"

I turned off my phone because I couldn't bare anymore. I am in 5th grade. I am 11 years old. What am I supposed to do about this?

I thought of how happy all of my classmates would be if I just died. Or how happy my brothers would be if they didn't have to deal with my annoying self anymore.

Once again, I started to bawl.

Feeling lonely.

Feeling helpless.

Feeling hopeless.

Feeling useless.

Feeling like all I wanted to do, was die.

After five minutes of straight up crying. I got up and went to the bathroom to see if I could find any pills.

I found a white container labeled, "Prescribed to Jo Roberts." I decided to shake the bottle to see if any pills were in there, it felt sort of heavy and I heard some pills going back and forth across the container.

Once I opened the lid I saw a bunch of light blue pills.

I started to take them, one by one, but then Blake walked in.

"What the hell are you doing in here?"

I stared at him, I stopped taking the pills, and was staying silent.

"Give me that!"

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"Whatever you have in your hands, it looks like pills! Are you trying to fucking kill yourself?"

I was speechless.

"Tessa, answer my question! Were you trying to fucking kill yourself?"

"I was only doing what everyone wanted. It would make everyone happier. Everyone's lives more peaceful."

I began to bawl.

"You have gotten that all wrong! Everyone's life is better because of you."

I couldn't believe Blake just told me that. He normally isn't nice. At least I now know that he is the better twin out of the two.

* * *

This time, I want to succeed without anyone walking in. Before and I look for the light blue pills, I start writing a note, again.

"Dear everyone, I hope you are happier. I hope you got what you want. I only feel bad for two people, Blake and Dad. Blake, you have stopped me before, but it had to happen. Dad, I love you and want to thank you for everything. Hopefully you don't have to work as hard because you won't have to pay for me anymore. Goodbye.

Love,

Tessa R."

I went into the bathroom to look for the same pills. After I took around twenty-three I started feeling a little dizzy.

When I hit the ground from falling, I hear a big bang. After the noise someone yells, "Tess? You alright?"

I started to see dark red liquid on the floor, seemed thick.

Then, all I see is black.

Authors Note:

Thank you for all of the support! If you enjoy the story so far, it would be amazing if you could vote on the chapters and tell your friends about it! :) Have an amazing day/night!