A Petal for my Thoughts

Orchid

"Knock knock." Pidge hummed, knocking on Lance's door.

"Come in." Lance croaked.

The door opened with a slight whoosh, letting the girl in. She held a lit up tablet in her hands.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" She asked sympathetically, looking at all the flowers on the floor. 

"Peachy." Lance replied sarcastically.

Pidge chuckled and sat on the edge of Lance's bed, "I found something you might find morbidly interesting." She said.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I found the meaning of blue hydrangea flowers, though it took all night." 

"Pidge!" Lance scolded.

She shrugged it off, "You wanna hear it or not?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"Okay. It says that 'blue hydrangea flowers convey a heartfelt and strong feeling of love'." Pidge grinned, showing him a picture of the flower in the wild, "So you must really love this mystery person." 

Lance smiled softly, "Yeah. I do." He hummed quietly.

He began to cough again, a different petal came out this time. It was bigger than the hydrangea petals, and a richer blue colour. It fluttered delicately onto the bed.

"That's new." Pidge stated, picking up the petal, "Looks like an orchid this time."

"Blue orchid?" 

"That's right. They're real flowers." She put it down and typed onto her tablet, "Here it is. It says that they represent luxury, beauty, and strength. They're apparently really rare.  They symbolize tranquility and are associated with the ocean for its blue and white colour. They also represent delicate beauty, power, and stability." 

"Wow... that's a lot." Lance mumbled, looking at the picture of the flower she was showing him, "But it's accurate."

Pidge tilted her head in question, so Lance continued.

"My crush is strong and powerful, physically and mentally. They're beautiful and one of a kind. I'll admit that they are my stability sometimes..."

"That's sappy."

"I'm dying, I'm allowed to be sappy."

---

Hunk was the next to visit him that day. He came in with a plate of cookies that he had somehow got to taste like chocolate chip (even though it was blue with red chips). Lance eagerly ate a bunch of them and talked with Hunk idly. 

"So... who is it that you love?" Hunk finally asked.

Lance paused mid-bite and lowered the half-eaten cookie from his mouth. He looked down into his lap. He weighed the pros and cons of telling Hunk.

Just as Hunk was about to tell him to forget about it, Lance spoke up.

"You promise not to tell anyone?" He asked.

His best friend nodded enthusiastically.

Lance sighed, "It's Keith."

"Keith!?" Hunk exclaimed loudly, "Like Keith Kogane!? Like, your rival from the Garrison!? Like, the hot headed red paladin!? That Keith!?"

"Shh! Hunk!" Lance hissed, "I don't want him to know!" 

"But why!? You could tell him and then he can like you back and you'll be okay!" 

"I can't put that pressure on him." Lance sighed, "I tell him I like him and then he's faced with the choice to either force himself to like me, or I'll die. I can't do that to him."

Hunk was quiet for a minute, "I guess that makes sense... but Lance... I can't-I don't want you to die!" he cried, hugging Lance tightly.

"I know buddy...I know..." Lance patted his head, hugging back. He could feel tears stinging behind his eyes.

---

Shiro and Allura were the third to visit. They came and kept him company, talking about nothing with him and getting him water after particularly bad coughing fits. Blue hydrangeas and orchids covered his bedroom floor. The disease wasn't slowing down one bit. They asked him if he had made a decision, he told them he hadn't. With a last wish to get well, they left his room. 

Coran came in with blankets and medication for the pain a bit later. Lance asked about Keith, since he hadn't seen him all day. He was told that the red paladin had been holed up in the training room all day. Coran stayed with him longer, telling him tales from Altea and his space pirate adventures. For once, Lance actually enjoyed the old altean's stories. It was close to night time when Coran finally left. 

Sitting alone in his dark, floral scented room, Lance finally had time to think about what he wanted to do. There was the surgery, he'd live but lose all love in his life. No, he didn't like the thought of that. He didn't think he could live without love, and especially not without his memories of Keith. Another option was confessing to Keith. Yeah, no, definitely not. There was no way Keith liked him back, and he wouldn't put that pressure on Keith. The final option was die here, with his feelings and memories untampered with. Yes, that's what he'd do. He knew his friends would be upset, especially Hunk, but he just couldn't live with the other two choices.

Laying down with a sigh, his decision was clear. He would do nothing about it. He coughed up another new flower that night. It floated to the floor gently, resting on top of the sea of blue petals. 

The Forget-Me-Not.

That night he dreamt about Keith and a future he wouldn't have with him. That night, there were a lot more flowers than usual. That night, there was a lot of blood. 

He wasn't going to make it much longer.