Ghost Of You // A.F.I

Hold on

song: Hold on, Chord Overstreet

Its been six weeks since the accident, nothing's really changed. The doctors say she'll be okay but you can see in their eyes that its all for show. She's not going to be okay. I listen as the monitor beeps slowly along with her beating heart. Her breathing is heavy and assisted by a machine attached to her nose and mouth. The nurses come by every few hours to check her vitals, change her drip and change the small bag attached to her bladder. I haven't left the hospital since it happened. My hand grips onto hers 90% of the day. Praying that she squeezes back but she never does. The guys visit often, Calum brought a bouquet of roses two days ago. They're her favourite. Luke doesn't move from Starlas side, he clings to her for dear life. The doctors have more hope for her. They think she'll make it. In the first week the nurses kept telling me that she can hear me when I speak to her, sometimes I sing her songs that we've written for the new album or her favourite songs from past ones. I asked them if she dreams, they said they can't be too sure but they believe so. The label gave us an extension on the album after the accident, they've given us an extra 6 months to finish. Calum and Michael spend most of their time in the studio writing and recording.

"Hey" a soft voice appears from the door frame. Calum stands at the door, hand rested in Connies. Alyssa standing behind them. I send a soft hi back to them before shifting my attention back to Britney. Calum sits beside me and rests his hand on my shoulder "Ash.. I think you should go home for a little, clear your mind" he whispers. I stare back at him "No" I reply bluntly. Calums eyes shift to the girls then back to me "When was the last time you showered? Or ate something that didn't come from a vending machine?" I look to my hands fiddling with my fingers "What if she wakes up?" I question, knowing deep down that those chances are low "Then one of us will call you" I shake my head "I can't leave her" the room falls quiet for a moment "She wouldn't want you sitting here all day everyday" Calum whispers, I think for a moment before looking to him "Don't leave her side" He nods "I'll be back tonight"

I unlock my front door and a harsh weight places itself upon my shoulders. The now wilted flower petals still scatter the living room floor, burnt out candles and pictures from past dates and other moments fill the room. I place my keys down on the living room table and take a photo into my hand, my mind traces its every inch. Britney's short black hair frames her face as a smile is etched upon her lips, mine in which are connected to her soft cheek. Her smile radiates joy off the image, sending a tear spilling from my eye. I hear a pair of keys open my front door and a female figure appears "Oh Ash I-I didn't realise you'd be here.." she trails off "Miriam? What are you doing here?" I question confused "I came to clean all this.. up" she replies pointing at the mess of memories scattering the room. "Oh" I whisper, placing the photo back down on the table. "Are you okay?.." She stutters, picking up candles and throwing them into a box "I don't know" I reply fiddling with my thumbs. She takes a seat beside me "Do you want to talk?" she places a reassuring hand on my back "I just want her to wake up" I nod into my palms, dragging them down my face with a sigh "but it isn't looking good and I'm so fucking scared" tears sting my eyes "I'm sure she will make it out, she's strong Ashton" she whispers "She won't" I stare blankly at the wall. All feeling leaving my mind, "Don't say that.." I stand up "Don't say what?! That she's going to die?! The doctors know it but they won't fucking say it. She's not going to make it Miriam" I yell, everything rushing back and frustration rowling over me "She can fight this Ashton" She stands in front of me trying to calm me "It's not fair, It's not fucking fair" I whimper throwing my hands in the air "it's my fault" I whisper "It's all my fault" I cry, staring at the photo from before "Don't say that, that's not true" Miriam reassures "She was meant to come home, she was meant to pull into that driveway and come running up those god damn steps and into my arms" I fall to the floor, tears streaming down my face "I was meant to ask her to marry me, she was meant to say yes" Miriam sits beside me and wraps me in a hug "It's not fair" I sob into her shoulder "I know" She soothes.

We sat on the living room floor for half an hour before Miriam reluctantly left, I gathered myself and took my self to the bathroom and ran myself a hot shower. The warm water washing over my skin, I close my eyes and flash back to the moments Britney and I shared in here. Not sexual. Sweet moments, splashing water in her face and helping her wash her hair. The warm water replaces her sweet embrace as I imagine her here. Her arms wrapped around me whilst the water washes over the two of us. Humming ideas for the next album as her eyes stare up at mine, small kisses along her back. My fingers tracing over the small freckles that aligned her skin. Tears begin to leak from my eyes once again as I think about her unconscious body lying in that hospital bed hooked up to endless machines. It's not time yet, it can't be. I need her. I need her here. Alive.