Destined to shine ( English ) #LookingForAlaskaContest

Chapter 11 - Despair leads us to act irrationally.

Two months pass since I got out of the hospital and on a Friday Tess's mother took us for a spin. We went to a coffee shop very close to Grandma's house, where we sat down to chat a bit and take a milk shake. Suddenly, looking back, I saw that Layla looked at me coldly; she approached and an arrogant tone told Danielle and Tess raise because he had something to tell me. Danielle refused and said that I was under his responsibility.

At that point I my courage and decided to hear all she would say, still had a little hope to get at least your forgiveness. Then I asked Danielle to give us a minute alone. Layla sat down and we were face to face, which I thought was not his goal to be even more cruel and hurt me as much as she could. All hurt and bitterness that Layla stored surfaced. She showed her feelings for me when he said,

_ I never wanted you. It would have been better if those who had died were you not my son. You are solely responsible for the death of Phillip and will have to carry this guilt for the rest of your life. This will be your punishment, I abhor you.

The contempt and resentment that she saved were literally flushed out. I started crying, I felt so rejected.

All those suicidal thoughts returned to my mind, and it was then that I desperately ran at first, aimlessly, while the most distressing memories seemed vivid memories chasing me. I went back to Grandma's house and when I got locked in the bathroom. I took a bottle of perfume and threw in the mirror that broke to try to quell my anger.

After a few minutes in tears and huddled in a corner, I decided that this time could not make another mistake, had to be the end. I was not angry with Layla but me; so I picked up a piece of glass from the floor and began to cut one of his wrists. Danielle called the cell phone of my grandmother and told her about the meeting.

Amelia, who was in his law firm, called home begging Marcus and Grandpa seek me. My brother came into my room, I realized that the bathroom door was locked and began to beat desperately.

_ Sophia, me, please open! I beg! Do not do anything you'll regret later. Sophia, can you hear me? Sophia!

But I kept cutting my left wrist. A minute later, they broke down the door and I was beginning to cut the other; the glass was on about half of my right arm. vaguely remember the blood of sitting on the ground and shout,

_ Go away! I want to stay here! Leave me alone, I do not want to live! I can not feel more pain, just want to rest!

As I struggled, they tried to tie a cloth and stop the bleeding. Grandpa did not want to waste time waiting for the ambulance, he put me in the car and drove rushed to the hospital.

Once there, the doctor emphasized that I was lucky because they acted correctly when compressing the wound. If the answer delayed fifteen minutes would be difficult to control bleeding and I could have died. He also explained:

_ Several times, depression leads the patient to wonder: is worth living? Who struggle with depression and faces this disorder regularly can not just get rid of it, as some people assume without help. This is because many who go through this disorder report feeling nothing, as if their bodies and minds were empty. This is one reason why people attempt suicide or self-injure, they want to feel physical pain. It is a serious disease that usually requires a combination of medication and counseling.