Audrey Baker has always dreamed of being in the Spurs Ladies first team, and when she does make it, she believes her work is cut out for her. But her journey to the top is filled with tears, failure, fear, and, well, love.
2 weeks later When I woke up in the morning, I must have been crying in my sleep because I could feel that tightness in my sinuses and my cheeks were all hot. I stared up at my ceiling. Suitably, it had started raining. I couldn't stop thinking, not necessarily the usual, but everything had become more confusing for me. My muscles all felt as if they had been blowtorched. I looked at my clock and saw that I was going to be late if I wasn't careful. We were playing an away match at Aston Villa and we needed time to train when we arrived. I sprinted around the house getting ready, knocking everything over in my ecstasy.
We arrived at the stadium to see a good turnout of fans all expecting a win from us. We scrambled a 2-2 draw, which doesn't dethrone us in the championship, which we were on track to winning. I was subbed on for Addison at the 83rd minute, but I didn't do anything too groundbreaking. This made me want to succeed even more, to work harder. We met some of our fans in the car park and took photos with them. I signed the programme of a little girl with ginger plaits who shyly said that when she grows up, she wanted to be like me. This came as a shock to me that anyone would consider me a goal, or indeed, grown up.
Coral called me later on, asking me if I wanted to watch the boys play Everton at Wembley with her. I hesitated at first. "Come on, babe, if you do I'll see if you can talk to-" I hadn't thought of this. "Yes! What did I do to deserve you?" I knew I had to make an impact so I decided I would wear this:
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The next day at training we did defending practice. Defence is a strong suit for me, so it wasn't too demanding. It was actually quite enjoyable. I felt I was really starting to find my feet here. The sun was warm on my skin, everyone was laughing and life was good.
Coral came later to pick me up and take me to Wembley. She was early herself but I had been ready for a long time, just sitting on my sofa, drinking tea to try and settle my nerves. Her car was nice- it was a Range Rover, black and mysterious. She was a bit of an aggressive driver: if you drove at one mile per hour below the speed limit, she would wish terrible things on you.
We had scored front row seats, which was amazing. I felt so lucky to have such a great view of such a brilliant game. Everton were a very strong side, but ours were impossibly stronger. In the few times they managed to take the ball past our wall of defenders, Lloris, now sober, banished them from the goal. Even more spectacular than that was the beauty of the forwards. The elegance, the tact, the aggression. The inability to step down if their lives depended on it. Five beautiful goals soared into the net, miles out of Pickford's grasp. One smooth execution from Vertonghen, a penalty free from errors from Eriksen, an unexpected flick from Llorente. Two annoyingly perfect little shots from- no. There were ten other men worthy of my appreciation. He celebrated his second goal, a long shot drowned in flair, by running into the front row of fans, where I happened to be sitting. I don't think he had already noticed me. He would have avoided it if he had, I think.
He recognised Coral, naturally, and shouted, "Haines!" and high fived her. Then he saw me and I may have witnessed a good five years drop off his life. He gently patted my shoulder and whispered, "meet me in the tunnel. I can explain." Then he was gone, smiling again and jumping on Sissoko.
The final score was 5-0 and the fans were going mental. I was happy but somewhat didn't feel it. Coral winked at me and picked up my hand. You want me to wait for you? Or are you going to-" "Oh, stop it," I laughed. "Be safe," she said before turning and joining the throng exiting the stadium. I pushed through the crowds and made it to the tunnel, where I was alone. I must have looked really awkward there- small, skinny and entirely unknown. Harry Winks walked past and saw me. He smiled at me and raised his eyebrows, so I smiled back to be polite. A wind picked up as he left and I wrapped my jacket close around me. I wasn't sure why I was trusting him again. If he'd left me in the cold in the metaphorical sense, there was no reason why he couldn't do it in the literal sense.
I waited for seven minutes- I checked the time that often- but it felt so much longer than that. I had been there for days, months, years, bloody aeons. I started to call Coral. I just wanted to be luxuriating in the leather seats of her car and then in the warm, familiar surroundings of my little house. But a hand gently grasped the wrist with my phone in it. First, I thought I was being mugged. Then, I thought it was Heungmin, coming for me at last. But it was Llorente, his hands rough like granite. He should invest in some moisturiser. I slowly put my phone in my pocket, as if he was a police officer about to question me and not an entirely unthreatening Spanish footballer often known as Llampost. I looked at him and we held eye contact for a moment. He looked very much the working young man: tough looking with sharp edges. He let go of my arm and tilted his head in the direction of the changing room. I followed him in, years of stranger danger campaigns disappearing. The room was empty, except for him. He was breathing weirdly and his eyes were flicking wildly. He saw me and all the colour drained from his face.
Llorente leant against the door as I was rooted to the spot. "Alright," he said. "Make this quick, we're not all Kevin Wimmer." Kevin Wimmer, I assume, would wait for Heungmin until the end of time. I waited until Llorente had left before I walked tentatively over and sat down on the bench beside him. He was shaking and I could tell that he felt guilty. I couldn't help feeling sorry for him. There was a moment of silence. Then he spoke, quietly and shakily. The words were coming out quicker and quicker. "I- I'm sorry, Audrey. I hope you can understand that I wanted to call you, I really did, but I also get it if you don't accept my apology because-" I stopped him. Any feeling of anger I'd had dissipated into nowhere. "It's okay," I said, and meant it. "Thank you." He'd calmed down a lot. "If you would let me, I would like a second chance. I won't mess it up this time, I promise." He held up his little finger and looked at me through clear brown eyes. "And I never break a promise." I raised my eyebrows. "I didn't promise last time!" "Because you knew you weren't going to?" "No, because I had to leave. Promises can't be made in the heat of the moment or you can't give them any thought and they don't mean anything." "That's beautiful." I took his little finger and held it. He smiled a little and I smiled too. Then, from some impulse, I kissed him. I don't know why, I just did. He didn't let go of my finger, and he put his other hand on my face. His hands were so soft and warm.
We let go and burst out laughing at the same time. Coral had texted me a ridiculous amount of times. Apparently, if I didn't leave imminently, she would leave. "Yeah, I have to go or I'm getting decked." He laughed. "Me too." He kissed my cheekbone and whispered in my ear, "remember, I never break a promise." He smelled soft and sweet, like honey. And then he was gone.
When I got back to the car park, Coral clapped me slowly and sarcastically. "If you're pregnant, you're not getting an ounce of support from me." "Oh, stop," I said, getting in the passenger side of her car. It wasn't even the only one there. She got me home in five minutes, thanks to her just pushing the speed limit. I told her everything, of course, and she kept teasing me but seemed happy for me.
