Sensible Ramblings | ✔️

{ s e v e n }

I feel different from other people. Not in a bad way, just that I have a fundamentally different makeup than my peers. I've always seen myself as different, as other, because I don't think the way other people do. In reality I am very introverted and don't share my thoughts aloud with others, which contrasts with what's on here (i.e. Sharing everything I think).

Some of it is due to the way I talk and process information. My natural speaking voice is very monotone except for when it goes up similar to how it does when someone asks a question, it confuses people and makes them think I'm stupid or slow, when it's quite the opposite. I tend to stutter sometimes, not from a speech disorder, but where regular people would pause and go silent when trying to think of a word, I keep stuttering. Now, over the years I've learned to hide this by putting whatever I say through a filter that mirrors how normal people talk.

If you were to hear how I would normally talk, you would be able to pick it up after I say it as a normal person would, but to the average individual who hasn't heard it, it sounds fine. I would like more than anything to just talk naturally, because it's really draining to speak like regular people do, but I can't without getting made fun of.

This is one of the reasons I asked my therapist to evaluate me for autism, because this among other symptoms are things that I have had to learn to hide. Over writing and texting it's completely fine, because I don't have to send the signals to my mouth to make the words, just my hands. And I enjoy writing because it's one of the only ways I can get myself across clearly without any barriers or obstacles, blocking and hindering the process.

Just so you guys know, I have no idea how to write conclusions.