Diary of a Depressed Teenager

Intro

Her eyes, it's like they became black. The light brown was gone and in its place, dark as the night's sky. Her lips turned purple, the once bubblegum pink gone. Her skin, a ghostly color and her hair, the brittleness of it.

She became more distant, less talkative and anti-social. She never told anyone how her day went or what was going on in her life anymore. Her friends never questioned it though, not understanding why it was happening. They thought she was just going through a phase.

Her family felt shut out, not knowing what was happening. She spent all day in her room, only coming out to get some food or got to the bathroom. She spent all her time on the internet or her phone, not verbally communicating anymore.

Her teachers noticed a difference in her grades. The once a+ student was now receiving D- work. Her 'ready to work' attitude became more of a 'let's get this over with' mood. She skipped classes a few times and never participated anymore. She didn't care about passing, giving up on school.

The doctors noticed the visits becoming more frequently. Every time with the same excuse. Headaches, she claimed. They tried every medicine they could give her. She always claimed it never worked, sending them back to square one. They tried to figure out why she had them, but could never understand it.

Her psychiatrists noticed the way she tugged at her long sleeves when asked if she cut. Noticing that she always wore long sleeves or a jacket to their appointments. They saw how the sleep medication was never enough for her. The anti depressants weren't working, trying everything in the book. How she never went to therapy, claiming she hated it.

The boys, always hooting and hollering her way. They would make comments about her body, both good and bad. They noticed how she began to ignore them, not caring what they said. How she no longer reacted or played along with them. She didn't notice when they were hitting on her or how they looked at her.

Her best friend knew what was going on, hearing her vent all the time. Promising to not tell anyone, she kept explaining her problems. Her best friend thought about telling someone all the time but knew she would never forgive her. Wanting to let her know she was there for her, she kept everything a secret.

She knew something was wrong. She had been living with it for so long. Crying herself to sleep every night, not even knowing why half the time. Watching her grades slip and skipping school. Her mother making her go to the doctors, knowing her sickness was fake. Knowing her friends didn't care to ask what was wrong. Her family not trying to understand what was going on. Her psychiatrists not commenting on her strange behavior. Her best friend not making her see she was destroying herself.

Lost, alone and feeling abandoned. Never understanding why it happened to her. Was she an awful person? Did she deserve it? Is she damned? Can she even fix it? she wanted answers to questions she never could ask. How could she find love if she can't even understand herself? How could anyone stand her when she hated herself? So, she did the only thing she could think of. And when they all gathered together because of her for the last time, they all talked about how they loved her and wanted to help her.

Why is it that you can suffer your whole life while no one even tries to help you but the minute you end up in a black box six feet underground, everyone feels sorry? It's such a messed up world we live in.