Diary of a Depressed Teenager

Black

I paint black
My brain
A thick darkness
My mind
A dark charcoal
My heart
A gothic tone
Swamping thoughts
"Does he miss me?"
I hate this
Nightmares,
Chilling dreams
I wake up crying and scared
Scared that he is really gone
I fear that it'll happen
That one day I'll wake up and it won't be just a dream
He tries to assure me
But it doesn't work
All the hours spent waiting for him to reply
To talk to me
Are spent in fear
My stomach dropping
Anxiety at an all time high
My mind floods
Tears come to my eyes
"Does he miss me?"
It seems like a no
Am I the only one who feels like this?
Not being able to talk all day,
Then not even being able to talk at night
It hurts
Because it's a choice
At night
It's a choice
And it hurts each time
I'm limited
The time I spend with him
On a screen, through a microphone
So why does he not understand
That it means so much to me
But I guess
He doesn't know
The pain in my chest, head and soul
It hurts with every second I'm away from him
Does he feel it too?
Am I the only one?
Sometimes I wish it would all just end
The pain
The hurt
The heartache
A button to just stop it all
But that's called death isn't it?
I guess the blackness of my insides will do for now
Numbing the pain as I go through the day
All I see now is black
A dark charcoal
Gothic tones
Is this how I'll see things forever?
No,
Just until the depression rolls away.
An endless cycle of sadness and doubt
The pain,
Hatred,
Deadly thoughts,
All for myself.
The sun never shows.
No light, only darkness for me.
It's like I'm dead,
My brain is dead,
My body is just still living.