Do I Love You? | Phan

Chapter 4

Dan's point of view

I keep thinking of this website, this 'Danshouldbeonfire' thing. I keep meaning to talk to Phil about it but I can't be bothered trying to explain it all to him.

"Dan, lunch is ready!" Phil shouted from the kitchen.

"I'm not too hungry," I replied a good few minutes later, "maybe later." I really do not feel like eating at all, this website is starting to get to me, I've been aware of it for a while and I've never been bothered to look at it but I was bored the other day waiting for Phil to get home from Starbucks and decided to check it out. Bad idea.

"Come on, Dan. You have been barely eating." Phil was now stood in my door frame with a concerned look on his face.

"I'm just not hungry."

"You? Not hungry? Don't make me laugh Dan," he faked a chuckle and went back to his concerned face that I had seen a lot of this past few days, "look, Dan what's up? You've been off all week, you barely eat or sleep, I hear you pacing around your bedroom at ungodly hours in the morning!" Phil started to shout, which was not Phil.

"I-I..." I tried to explain, but I couldn't tell him. Not yet.

"Come on, Dan. I'm not gonna judge you or anything, I just need to know what's wrong. You're worrying me!" He looked more distressed than angry, his beautiful icy blue eyes fixed on my boring brown ones.

"I'm s-sorry," I rested my head on a pillow on my unmade bed, "I'm sorry, Phil."

Phil sighed. "Dan." He said through his sigh, as he walked over to my bed and sat next to me. "I didn't mean to shout," he started, "I'm just really worried, you've never said no to food before and you've refused several meals."

"I found this website, and," I sat up, facing Phil, "and it's-it's.." He didn't let me finish before embracing me in a tight bear hug. The hug lasted longer than expected, Phil pulling in a little tighter every few minutes.

"Dan..." Phil started, "I-" it was then he let go from the hug and silently left, gently closing the door behind him. I felt drowned. For a second I thought that we could have stayed in that hug forever and never worry about anything again, but that fantasy was short lived. When I was hugging Phil, I felt like there was nothing I could ever worry about and everything was perfect. Then he let go and my world flooded, making it hard to breathe under the pressure.

"Phil, I love you." I said gently to a patch of thin air, afraid to say it any louder in case Phil heard.