A Random Story

story time

Favorite song: Gravity Zero by Catiso

Guess who is updating faster then normal???? Yo boi is!!! Welp tecnically this is not an update but really? Who cares.

So this was suppose to be uploaded last month but I was having a hard time thinking how to structure this since some days my last 2 brain cells would decide to ditch me and give me a hard time writing stuff,anyways lets get to the point just imagine it is a beautiful day in February 2019 and you'll be fine.

So this day a year ago I joined Wattpad and looking back, I can't believe how much have happened in just one year.

Last year, I was a lonely and depressed prick trying to find an accepting place to share my thoughts when I found wattpad. I was scared of everything and afraid that if shared my thoughts out I will be bullied for being obnoxious.

I remembered how afraid and dysphoric I was when I came out to one the teachers in my old school, I was so desperate to fit in that I force myself to believe in things that I don't personaly agree with since that was the only way that I could do that . I remembered how happy I felt when my dad called me a He and almost took me to the barber to snip my hair off, but unfortunately of course there is still my mom who is so transphobic and genderstereotypical that she said she was not going to let me cut my hair which sucks but that's for another time.

Fast foward 1 year later, here I am having friends thats accepting about my identity, I got transferred into a fresh new school that has a bunch of nice people which help me alot with fitting in. Thanks to Youtubers like Kalvin Garrah and Sam Collins who are willing to share their "unpopular" opinions that I was able to have my own opinion about this topic ( If you didn't notice already I'm probably the most "SJW" looking trans-med kid you'll ever seen but I swear to god, I do experience Dysphoria and it's not fun at all). Even though after I found my own views and opinions I became more of a fucktard but I'll probably blame the natural testosterone that I pumped into my own body.

Talking about natural testosterone, I have to say that thanks to my dad's amazing genes I was somehow a little bit smarter in the science category even though i was always high on antomoxetine to help me concentrate since I have really bad ADHD and I always look like the walking dead but anyways, before I knew I was trans I would already know what testosterone and estrogen is. I knew what food should I eat and avoid to get higher testosterone level and that was when I started my puberty, I remembered me being so dysphoric that whatever I eat I'll have to check if there was ingredients that has estrogen in it and if there was any speck of estrogen I would starve myself that day.

That was what my cousins called the "soup trauma period", I was the typical asian kid and let me tell you if I can eat miso soup without my estrogen level blasting off to mars and making me dysphoric  as hell I'll be shoving bowls and bowls of miso soup down my throat. However there's a incredibly high amount of estrogen in soy and in miso which means I can have none of that. Instead my aunt would make me Miyeok guk which is a Korean seaweed soup and that was what I ate literally every single day.

As of today I am happier than I was in the past, my mom is starting to accept me and the therapist here would problably help me with that, I am thankful that there's people around me that I can talk to (shout out to my pen pal) and if theirs people reading this I just wanna say that it gets better everyday and you're not alone.