Survival

Chapter 47

(A Few Days Later)

Rapunzel is exhausted.

She has never been so tired in her life.

For the past few nights, Elsa has been keeping her awake when she wakes up from her nightmares.

Rapunzel is aware that she was the one who told Elsa not to hesitate to wake her up when there was a nightmare. But Rapunzel didn't think it would be Every. Single. Night.

She'd be up with Elsa for over an hour, trying to calm her down. It's worked. But Rapunzel is exhausted.

She's saying as much to Merida on the phone right now.

"Every single night?" Merida repeats.

"Every night," Rapunzel rasps as she holds the phone in one hand and writes her homework with the other. She's currently sitting on the carpet floor, by the coffee table. "Every night she wakes up crying and practically screaming. I feel bad for her, don't get me wrong. Plus, it's not like I can pretend to be asleep when she turns on the light."

"I don't know what to tell you. You just have to wait for it to pass. Who knows how long that will take."

Rapunzel lets out a frustrated breath. "For both our sakes, I hope it's soon."

"Why not tell your parents?"

"She doesn't want to bother them. They're only nightmares after all."

Merida was about to say something when three voices scream in the background. "Give me a minute, I have to take care of these wee devils––I mean, my brothers."

Rapunzel lets out a chuckle, "No problem. Good luck."

***

Elsa managed to draw enough strength to go downstairs. After swallowing a handful of antibiotics and painkillers, she realized she was hungry.

So she went downstairs––with the help of her crutches––using the staircase that led her to the back of the kitchen instead of the living room.

But then heard her name.

Elsa peeks over the banister and sees Rapunzel sitting, talking on the phone.

She hears the entire conversation; Rapunzel not getting enough sleep, waking her up, Elsa waking up crying.

A burden. That's what Elsa is. She didn't even consider that in waking Rapunzel, she is depriving her of sleep. For the past few days, Elsa has kept Rapunzel up.

Elsa immediately loses her appetite. She grabs her crutches and limps upstairs. She hesitantly enters the room. She was about to go back to bed, but makes her way to the bathroom instead.

She turns on the light, closes her eyes and shuts the door. She stands in front of the mirror and takes a deep breath.

She hasn't seen how she looks. Elsa has been too afraid to see.

Slowly, Elsa opens her eyes.

The person looking back at her is unrecognizable.

With an unsteady hand––the one that's in an wrist brace––Elsa lightly touches her face. Her fingers scale over healing scratches. Her bruises are practically gone, but the ones that are on her abdominal area will need more time for healing.

Glancing down, she looks at the inside of her arms. The purple dots that are still dotting her skin––the purple dots from where Luke injected her with heroin. There are moments when she is so sick to her stomach, so incredibly nauseous, that even turning in bed proves to be effort. Any slight movement, Elsa sometimes feels like she will hurl her guts up.

Withdrawal. That is what she is experiencing.

A few days ago, Elsa had a painful fever. Her entire body was shaking while sweating though every crevice.

Mrs. Corona stayed with her. She talked her through it and said it was all part of the withdrawal process. She made her soup, dabbed her skin with a cloth, and kept her company.

The day her fever hit, Rapunzel didn't say anything. She probably thought it was a regular fever. But Elsa knows her mom probably explained that it wasn't an ordinary fever but the effect of the drug.

Ever since then, Rapunzel has looked at her differently. Now every time Rapunzel looks at her, Elsa believes she can see the word playing inside Rapunzel's mind.

Drug-addict.

Elsa looks back at herself in the mirror. She runs her thin hands across her face, where her cheekbones poke due to lack of appetite. She was already underweight, but she apparently lost more weight when hospitalized. Right now Elsa is nothing but skin and bones.

Mrs. Corona is trying to regain her appetite, but it's difficult to eat large portions. Her body is still not used to eating every day.

Her tongue licks her lips which are dry and bloodless, just like the rest of her skin. To anyone else, it would look like Elsa has never stepped out into the sun.

Next, Elsa carefully hovers her hand across her bandages underneath her sweater. Her hand contacts the gauze where she had a tube inside her to inflate her lung after she was stabbed. Her thumb presses down on a bruise causing her to wince.

She doesn't bother venturing to her back, afraid of how the lashings would feel. They should look better, but it's going to take time. According to Dr. Felix, he told her that they would heal in due time, but the wounds were too deep to prevent scarring.

Speaking of scars...

Elsa brings her hands in front of her and turns her wrists. She bites her lip and runs a finger over the dim red lines. If Elsa were to cut, there'd be no hiding it. She was always careful to hide her scars. But now...now everyone knows about it. Years of keeping it all a secret, it's now all out in the open.

Elsa spent half her life in pain. She was used to it. This is the longest she has gone through without anyone yelling at her, hitting her, or assaulting her. In response to that, she would cut herself in order to have some sense of control. It is strange and confusing. She would answer the pain inflicted on her with pain from her own doing.

With a shake of her head, Elsa turns off the light and heads out the bathroom having had enough of her dark thoughts.

She wishes it was that way. To forget the raging storm of inside her that eats her alive every day.

***

It was late at night when Elsa woke up panting, tears running down her face.

It was only a dream. Only a dream. A dream.

She reaches over to turn on the night lamp but stops herself.

Elsa quiets her cries and listens to check if Rapunzel has awoken. When a few seconds pass, Elsa comes to the conclusion she is still asleep.

She will not be a burden. Not anymore. So, she fails to wake up Rapunzel like she would normally do to have someone consul her.

With a trembling hand, Elsa covers her mouth as she sobs to herself in the dark. She blindly reaches for some tissues on the nightstand and does her best to dry her tears. She turns to lay on her other side, facing away from Rapunzel and cries to herself.

Facing the window, she sees a small ray of moonlight coming through a gap from the closed curtains. That strangely, somehow, made her even sadder, causing a small cry to escape into her hand that is still draped over her mouth.

That was how she spend her night; awake, in tears, and terrified of going back to sleep..