Someone to stay

~ Game Of T-uesday ~

Pov Beca

It's been four days since I last saw Chloe. And since exactly that moment there's always a fixed nail in my mind: how is it possible that she hasn't told anything about me, about us, to Chicago? To the person she is supposed to share her whole life with? It's as if I've realized that I was nothing to Chloe. Nothing. I didn't even have the privilege and the importance of being classified as "the classic finished stories" that are told to the own fiancé to be better known. It's as if I haven't been part of her past. And now I'm not part of her present, and I certainly won't be part of her future either. It's as if she's never been in her life. And here's another stab. Nice shitty life.

It's almost 10 p.m. and I'm still at the studio, they've all gone home now. I preferred to stay a while, so I could arrange something on the guitar in the recording booth. It's the moment I prefer this, me with the music alone, nobody out there looking at me, telling me what to do. I can't hide the fact that I still have to get used to the situation in general, not that I complain: the producers are very down to earth, trying to give me as much advice as possible, to improve my skills and to increase my knowledge, both about the lyrics and the melody of a song. The contract with the label provides that in two years I must release 3 albums, that at least 4 evenings a month I must take back the clothes of the DJ and go around the clubs, and that means that in addition to producing songs I must also continue to produce mixes. Not to mention touring around America, promoting records, interviewing...in a few months I'll have a more than eventful life. And I can't be more than happy, busy life, busy mind, no thoughts and solve all the problems. Great, isn't it? Yeah, I hope so.

The lights in the cabin are dimmed, the room is poorly lit and this creates a slightly more intimate atmosphere. I can relax more in this way. I settle better on the stool and place my guitar on my legs, getting a little closer to the microphone. The headphones are hanging around my neck but I just put the left in my ear so I can hear any suspicious noise, should someone reach me. Debatable, but it could happen.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. At the moment there is only one song that comes to mind and I can't help but think it's the one that's closest to my situation. Hell, Beca, are you ever gonna get out of this vicious circle?

I heard, that you're settled down...
That you found a...  boy... and you're, married now

The song mentions a girl, but I can't help but change it. Here it's the opposite. It's a guy and they're not married yet, not that it makes any difference. It hurts equally.

There's only my voice filling the cabin, no notes, no chords. Just me, with my eyes closed.

I heard, that your dreams came true
I guess he gave you things
I didn't give to you

My fingers begin to move independently along the guitar keyboard. I've always loved this song by Adele, it's so personal, emotional, everyone can be found in these words. And the melody makes you travel with your mind, as if it were opening a door for you and accompanying you in your past memories, in distant experiences that no longer belong to you. Maybe I didn't know how to give her what she wanted, what she deserved. Is he really the right person for her?

Old friend, why are you so shy
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

Chloe has never been a shy girl, she's always been a ball of shining joy, without boundaries. Since I saw her again I've always had the strange feeling that this side of her has eclipsed. Maybe I'll be wrong, or maybe I'm so stubborn as not to accept the fact that she's getting married, so much so that I see things that are not there. She's fine, Beca, she's happy. Without you. And that's what matters.