мυя∂єя нυѕвαи∂ѕ // иι¢кιfєя σиє ѕнσтѕ

~It's over

Summary: Where Nick is unable to forgive Lucifer and breaks things off between them - crushing Lucifer's heart along the way.

"I don't love you anymore" + Lucifer (request by Raven on Tumblr)

Warnings: angst, heartbreak, sadness, no forgiveness, depression, no happy ending, kinda S14 spoilers idk

Bingo Square:
Lucifer Bingo: Angst

MayBingo SPN Amino: Horror

Note: As someone who ships Nickifer more than anything... this story here is the greatest horror I can possibly think of 😭

~~~~~~

"I don't love you anymore."

Five words, yet the power behind them was enough to break Lucifer and shatter his heart beyond repair in ways the fallen Archangel never even considered a possibility.

Numbly, the angel stumbled back as he was shaking from his toes to his wings. "W-What?" He managed to stammer out, barely hearing his own voice. All he heard was Nick, and those five words set on repeat in his head.

I don't love you anymore. I don't love you anymore. I don't love you anymore...

Nick stood before him, unmoving and unblinking. The man looked up at his radiant true form with cold eyes. Once, Nick had looked at him with warmth and trust, but that was gone now... melted like the snow before the blazing sun. Lucifer reached out to him with a bleeding heart, just wanting Nick to take him in his arms and tell him that everything would be alright, but his human flinched away from his touch and Lucifer let his arms fall back down again.

"I think you heard me perfectly fine the first time," Nick said, still speaking in that cold voice of his. A voice Lucifer never associated with his human before. "I don't love you anymore. Leave me alone, Satan."

Lucifer fell back as if he got hit. He called him Satan... not Luci, Luce, or even Lucifer, but Satan. He was suddenly reminded of the time where he had told Nick how much he disliked that name, how much it hurt him to hear, and Nick said it to his face just like that. No remorse in his tone whatsoever. Like he didn't care at all.

"Nick, why?" He nearly begged, almost falling down on his knees before the man he had fallen for. "What did I do?" He raked his mind to try and figure out what he could possibly have done to make Nick hate him so much, but he came out blank. "What did I do?" He added in a tiny voice. It was the voice of someone who was on the brink of drowning in despair, left stumbling in the dark and crying out for somebody who would never take him in his arms again.

Nick turned him his back and crossed his arms. Then he started to speak in a low voice. Lucifer noticed the tension of his shoulders and he realized he wasn't the only one trying to keep it together. "You know, after I prayed to you once I had killed that priest, I did some digging of my own... and I found out who killed my family."

Lucifer's blood ran cold.

Spinning around to face him, Lucifer nearly cried himself upon seeing the tears run down Nick's face. "The demon Abraxas was the one who murdered them, smashed in their skulls with a hammer... but before I killed him, he told me something interesting," Lucifer had started shaking his head in denial, "he told me it was on your order. Tell me one thing, Lucifer, is that true?"

"Nick..." Lucifer started to say, shrinking down into himself upon Nick's cold glare on him.

"No lies," Nick continued, "no deception and no tricks. Tell me the truth."

His eyes have turned searching, almost begging him to tell him that it was all a lie. And that was what made it worse. To Nick, he could never lie. But he couldn't find the courage to say the full truth either, so he did the closest thing he could. "I'm sorry, Nick," his voice broke as a sob tore out of him, "I am so sorry."

Nick's expression blanked and he stepped back. "So it's true," the man breathed out. The betrayal and pain were too much for him, he could see it all in Nick's eyes like a mirror leading to his soul. And Lucifer was the cause of all that pain.

Lucifer fell down and bowed his head as his shoulders shook. It took all of his willpower to tilt up his head so he could meet Nick's eyes. He realized this might be the last time he would ever see that beautiful shade of blue ever again in his immortal life. Both of them were crying now. "I am sorry for everything I've done to you and your family. Back then, all I wanted was a vessel, someone who could hold me until Sam said 'yes'. But there was one thing I couldn't foresee... and that was you. I fell in love with you, Nick. I love you and I am sorry. Please, take me back. Forgive me, please." He had never been one to apologize, but now he couldn't seem to stop.

He would apologize for Nick, the only mortal man he would ever bow down to.

"Did you ever plan to tell me?" Nick said, still in that cold voice. It unnerved Lucifer more than anything that he still couldn't read him.

"I never found the words," Lucifer truthfully replied, ashamed of himself. Blinded by his tears, he looked down. "I just want things to go back to the way they were," he added pitifully between his cries.

"You don't understand, do you?" Nick asked. His voice seemed to come from far away. Lucifer's chest felt heavy as if his heart was about to break even further. "Things can never go back to the way they were. I loved my family. There's nothing I wouldn't have done for them. I looked forward to being a father and watching my son grow up, you know?" Nick's voice broke. "And you took that away from me because you were being selfish. You took everything away from me!"

"I changed," Lucifer cried out. He didn't care about the tears anymore. He wasn't even sure if he was trying to convince himself or Nick anymore. He gripped his chest, nails digging into his skin as if he could carve out his own heart to lessen the pain. It was like someone tore his heart apart bit by bit. Nick held his damaged heart in the palm of his hand... and completely crushed it. But he knew it was all on him, he was the reason for all this misery and he had no one to blame but himself.  "You made me change. Because of you, I learned how to love again. Please, don't do this. I love you, Nick. I love you."

Nick looked almost sorrowful. "I am sorry, Lucifer, but it's too late."

No. Don't. Don't say it, please, don't. I can't hear those words again. Please. Not from you.

"You are a monster, Lucifer... you're incapable of change. I don't want anything to do with you anymore. Never show yourself to me again, or I swear I will find a way to kill you myself."

At those words, Nick spun around and walked away. Out of Lucifer's life but taking his heart with him. Lucifer reached out a shaking hand at Nick's retreating form as if he could reach him and make him turn around to make it all up to him. As if everything was just a horrible nightmare. Nick never looked back. Not even once.

You already did, Nick. You already did.

As if just realizing what had happened, Lucifer broke down and cried as he had never cried before. Now he was truly alone. He had no one anymore.

The fallen angel curled in on himself and wrapped his trembling wings around his shaking form in a futile attempt to bring himself some comfort - a comfort he knew he would never find.